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Check Engine Please August 10, 2005

Posted by spacemom in : Life...otherwise , trackback

What a surprise, the restaurant turned out ok. Leslie did well, Renee
did well, Max wanted Renee’s high chair instead of a booster, so we
got him one, Anna lost it when her dad took away her spaghetti (note
to J: Don’t take away all of her spaghetti. Take a little from her in
the beginning or leave her some at the end, but don’t take it all!)
I didn’t get anything at the bar. Note to self, just because a place
says “Kids eat Free” doesn’t mean the adult food is any good.

Anyway, life continues to roll. I had a long conversation with my
loving DH today at lunch (still debating what to call him). We talked
about how incredibly hard it is to find yourself when you are doing so
much for the kids. I never realized that life would take this
turn. The songs going through my head are children’s music, I can’t
imagine a movie theatre anymore (or at least I can’t justify wasting
my precious babysitters on a movie), I can’t wait to go to bed and
it’s for the sleep, not the sex. Will my life forever be on a course
of helping my kids and not myself? I know that the answer is no and
that I will be able to start up my life, my activities again in the
future.

I also wonder how selfish I am to want to have some of my old life
back. I mean, we sacrificed so much to have kids and now I want some
of that me time back. Is this really selfish? Or is it just human?

I was very good last night at the restaurant. I saw a couple with a
4 month old. Renee stopped by and kept pointing to
the little girl while I said “Yes, that’s a baby”. I never said “Just
wait until they are older.” I hated that when I was a new mom. Just
enjoy the moment. Enjoy the smiles that you get from a 4 month
old. Enjoy the pure love sans tantrums. Enjoy the coos without words
even as you are dying for the words to come. Every stage is
precious. Every stage is wondrous. Enjoy it mommy, enjoy.

As we left day care this morning, my check engine light stayed
on. Lovely. The adventure continues.

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