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What am I IN for? September 20, 2005

Posted by spacemom in : Life...otherwise , trackback

On Friday, Dr. Jay is heading out to a meeting in Spain. I will be single mom to the girls for a week. I don’t work on Mondays, so my first half of this week is being with the girls, 24/3 (instead of 24/7, of course). Then I get to go to work Tuesday-Thursday and he comes home on Thursday night. I am scared. Can I handle this? I am lucky that I am going through the “good” part of my cycle. I have PPD and the week before my period I can really be a bitch. I have MUCH more patience when I am in the early part of my cycle.

I am scared to put them down for bed. If you haven’t noticed, the girls are a pain in the ass (PITA) to get to sleep. Luna is a screamer. Luckily, she doesn’t throw up when you leave her the way Soleil did. Soleil will constantly ask for one more thing. And she “needs” mommy. Every night. I am trying to figure out how to handle this. I don’t let Luna cry it out. For all of those people for whom this works, I am very honestly thrilled with you. Vicki and Rose, especially. But I can’t do it. It is me. I get panic attacks when I let them cry. Serious honest to G-d panic attacks. So, I will let Luna cry for 5 minutes at a time, but I just can’t go longer than that. I don’t want her to suffer and I just panic, so… How do I keep Soleil calm while I get Luna down? Any suggestions are welcome.

I can handle the days. Even when things get crazy, I can handle the days. But the nights scare me. If Luna wakes several times, should I bring her in my bed? She will probably expect it then and I don’t want that habit to start. Not when she hogs the whole bed when she gets in there already (yes, she is 31 inches long and can take up an entire queen sized bed. How the hell do they do that?)

I keep thinking that if she gets the ear surgery, then she will sleep better, but deep down, I think I am kidding myself. Soleil has sleep problems, I have sleep problems, Mom has sleep problems, my SISTER has sleep problems… Sigh…

Do you think I can do this? If the weather is nice, we might venture
to the Public Garden. I love seeing the Mallards. And so do the girls!

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