Ah… Almost there

My poster is finished. My packing, almost done. We have a short Poster_new_small_2

Sukkot
celebration tonight.  

The girls have been fruitcakes. I call Soleil Fruitcake and Luna is
Fruitcake with Rum and Nuts. Last night, Soleil went to sleep at 10:30
for the SECOND night in a row. Luna was up between 2-5am.
News flash for tired parents. PBS Sprout is available on some cable
carriers. It is a BAD IDEA to have Barney on at 4:45am. An almost
asleep child suddenly jumps up and starts dancing to Barney while
Mommy wants to beat her own head in with a plastic frying pan that
sits on the toy kitchen.

Dr. Jay checked us in for our flight tomorrow on-line. Turns out we
have to BUY OUR FOOD on the plane! WTF? BUY YOUR OWN FOOD on a 5 hour
flight followed with BUY YOUR OWN FOOD on a 7 hour flight. Shoot
me. Shoot me now. We are quickly revising our carry-on stuff to
include more food for the girls. This just sucks.

We will be on-line in Hawaii and I will try to blog when I feel like
it. The weather looks eh, 87 and rainy? Well, as far as I care, we can
still swim at 87 and rainy!

Tonight’s goals:

1) get the girls to bed at a REASONABLE time
2) get toiletries packed
3) get the backpacks for carry ons together
4) get EVERYTHING ready for the taxi at 6:15am!

Wish me luck! We should be in Kona at 9pm EDT.

Calming myself down

I had a nice quiet lunch today. Dr. Jay and I ate at a nice restaurant and talked. Since we work at the same place, we have 2 days a week that we go out for lunch. It is like having a mini-date. I like that. It gives us time to reconnect. Dr. Jay mentioned that my worry jar is full. I said yes, but then amended that statement to say it was full, but only because things are a mess in there. If I rearrange it, there will be room. Somehow, I am not mananging well right now.

Take the poster for the meeting for example. Right now, I am letting a code run to pull information out of my files to prepare for the poster. I worry that I won’t get the poster done. But that is SILLY. OF COURSE, I’ll get the poster done. I have no choice. It may not be as complete as I want, but it will get done.

Packing? Not worried. Well, I was, but then I realized that since it is Fall in New England, and summer in Hawaii, it will be easier to pack that normal. Getting to the airport? Not a problem. I am going to call for a taxi service because parking is so high at the airport that a taxi will be cheaper over all. Car in Hawaii? Not a problem, Dr. Jay worked out with the adminstrative gods so we can rent a mini-van and we will pay the extra costs out of the travel reimbursements at the end of the trip. Kids? Not a problem. They love travel, the airplane may be tough, but as long as I keep my humor, I should be fine. They will LOVE the trip. I had worried as someone emailed me about this resort not being good for little kids. Once I looked at the website, I understood why. Tons and tons of programs for kids 5 and up. Nothing really for little kids. BUT, there is a monorail to travel around the complex. And BOATS to travel I can see my kids riding the boats all day long. And the pools….Soleil is learning how to swim, so I can see her having a ball and Luna loves the water. We also want to take the girls to Kona, let Soleil learn more about mommy’s drug of choice, COFFEE! and she wants to see if the letters fit on a coconut tree.l We told her that you can EAT coconut and she was excited…

So why is my worry jar full? I am working on that. I think that I have all of these issues stored up in my brain and instead of taking them one by one and placing them in the jar, I am shoving the whole lot in the jar, like throwing crumpled paper in. What a mess!
I started at lunch to take the worry jar down and work on cleaning it up. Just writing these things out have helped a great deal. Deciding on the taxi company helped (I now have to call) and to get my dentist appointment out of the way helped.

So I am in the process of deep breathing, and sorting out the worry jar. I told Dr. Jay that I need to figure out how to keep up with life. He asked what that meant. I said that I think it means just enjoying what we have and to lower the worries…

It’s official, My kids are NUTS

Once upon a time, I worried. I thought "Why do we want a second child? What if they hate each other? What if I destroy Soleil’s world by having a second? What if the kids truly never get along?" I never should have worried. Take tonight for example.

The kids have been dumping the little people out of the bin I store them in and jumping off the the upside down bin. Tonight, I made them stop. "This is too close to the couch. It should be at least this far" the mean mommy said while moving the upside down bin about 5 feet from the couch. Cue Soleil to drop to the floor sobbing.

"MOMMY"she cries," If you put it there, I can’t jump on the couch! See?"

Followed by her getting on the bin and doing a belly flop on the floor, falling short of the couchby 2 feet. "SEE mommy? See? I can’t reach the couch! I have to have it closer!"

How do you argue with that? I was laughing too hard to say no. I moved it closer to the couch. Luna took the opportunty to climb up on the bin, and do a face plant on the floor, sit up and giggle.

My kids are nuts. just plain nuts.

I have nothing to worry about. Soleil will teach Luna the insanity.

Telecomuting Life Part 2

Continuing on my thoughts of phoning in life.. this is quite rambling, my apologies.

For some reason, Autumn is the worst part of the year for me. Time speeds up, and I feel lost. The weather turns just enough to not be fun. It becomes cold and rainy, not crisp and cold. The sun sets sooner and sooner, and the dawn arrives later and later. As a child, school started in the autumn and while I did well in school, it held a series of social challenges that I preferred to avoid. As an adult, work still follows the school year as meeting pick up in the fall.

Moving to Boston has also thrown me. The sun sets so early here. Looking at any reasonable map, Boston should be in the Atlantic time zone; one over from the Eastern. But there is such a small part of our country that would be in the Atlantic, that it makes no sense.

I am feeling as if I am completely unproductive in all aspects of life. I am way behind in my poster (although I would be no matter how on top of things I felt). I feel like I am failing my bosses. I feel like I am failing my girls. Somehow, Luna’s ears have me feeling like I should have done something sooner. But what could I do? Once her initial ear infection went 8 weeks long, we scheduled the first consult with the specialist. We’ve been seeing him all summer. So why do I feel guilt? I KNOW I have done everything I can.

Home, I feel completely behind on everything. Where does this come from? Why does this permeating depression come from? I mean besides the PPD. Where does this layer come from?
Why am I measuring my self worth by goals that are not real? My children are mostly happy, we are comfortable, I have a wonderful husband who even supports my crazy blogging.

I wish I understood this drive to attain goals. It’s something that has plagued me all my life.
I wish I had learned how to just be happy to be happy…

Telecomuting Life

First a quick update:
Luna came out of the surgery just fine! Turns out her "clear" left ear
had a great deal of pus behind the ear drum. The "fluid filled" right
ear was, fluid filled. The tubes are in, the ears are drained and I
swear she could hear better yesterday. Several times she stopped just
to listen. It was so cute!

Soleil has a horrible cough. I had just finished staining one side of
the interior doors we are installing when she awoke coughing. I got
her back to sleep downstairs watching the Angels/White Sox game, but
every time I tried to transfer her back to her bed, she would awake
coughing. The doctor saw her today, the verdict? Post nasal drip. Poor
kiddo.

And me? I am getting melancholy again. Must be this time of year when
I feel utterly useless. Do you ever feel like you are phoning it in?
Everything? All parts of life you just feel useless? I know that I am
not, but I can’t shake this feeling. Maybe if I can get this poster
done and enjoy myself in Hawaii I can shake it.

More on this later. I need to stop taking a break and get back to
work.

What a life!

Ppvlogo_1What a crazy life. We are leaving for sunny Hawai’i in two weeks!
For what? For THIS.However, this
leads me right back to my work on Sigma Orionis. Ack! I have GOT to get my butt in gear. Right now, I am running a coordinate matching code to see if I can get some of my sources to match up between two different telescopes.

Add to this our ORL (otolaryngology) appointment from yesterday for Luna. Remember when these guys were the "Ear Nose Throat" doctors? Not
anymore! Now you too can try to pronounce otolaryngology.
I digress.
Anyway, Luna’s had 3-4 ear infections over the summer. Her last one was last Sunday. I count that as over the summer. We’ve seen this doctor 3 times now. In June, he was all happy that we were out of  ear infection season, no tubes would be needed, we just need to monitor the situation. With the added ear infections and the fluid build up, the mild hearing loss and our upcoming flight, the decision yesterday was "tubes". I’ve been researching this all summer and I think it is the right thing.

Given our trip, we are doing the procedure (aka puncturing my child’s ear drums!) tomorrow. Poor girl can’t have any food after midnight (that means milk) and only 4oz of water or applejuice between midnight
and 8am. Then NOTHING. She is not going to be a happy camper.

I hate the thought of doing this, but we survived Soleil’s tear duct procedure, she was only 13 months when we had that done, We can survive this…

Now I can Watch the Post Season in Peace

So the Red Sox blew it. Big time. Sometimes event the best teams can bite.
Oh well…At least now I can watch the post season in peace and just enjoy the games.
Redsox
And you’ll never believe what I saw last night….A HOCKEY GAME ON TV!!!
Yes, hockey is back and I am happy. I really missed hockey last year. Now if the girls will let me watch the game, that’s the question.

We are getting pounded with rain. I laugh because our neighbor is watering her lawn still. We’re getting almost 2 inches of rain tomorrow and she is still watering! Some people are just strange.

I am hoping to catch up with an Internet friend tomorrow at the Children’s Museum in Boston tomorrow. I hope it works out. I don’t have her cell and I couldn’t leave a message at her house. I hope we find each other!

Thanks everyone for checking in. I appreciate it very much.

Starting Over

OK, just trying to get back to normal. For those coming onto this drama, I switched because I was so upset at what Julie, aka Wynona, had done. I felt a bit violated, even though I know the web is open.

Dr. Jay is a little upset that I am willing to blow $90 on this, but I would rather do this than feel nervous to post about how I feel. Also, now that I am in a more private area, I am planning to use my children’s real names.

Hi, My name is Nance and welcome to my blog.

I have 2 kids, Soleil (aka Soleil) and Luna (aka Luna). Luna is pronounced LAY-ah not LEE-ah. Sorry, still bothers me at the doctor’s office. Soleil was my follistim+IUI girl. Luna is my "hey let’s try on our own for 6 months before I get the guts up to shoot myself in the stomach again, oh hey, I am pregnant!" girl.

I work for the Chandra X-Ray Observatory. That’s my telescope up top.
I am married to Dr. Jay (still not his real name) and he works here too.

I am trying to put this whole damn Wynona thing behind me. To be honest, I feel badly for her. What appears to have started as a simple not liking me turned into what appears to be an elaborate lie of her computer being hacked by someone who decided to put malicious comments on my blog and who tried to apply for credit cards. I just don’t buy it. I think she has been under alot of stress and needs to deal with it. I am sorry that it came down like this.

I started blogging to help me relax. Get out my feelings, put things down in writing. Dr. Jay wants me to buy a diary. He thinks it would be cheaper. He is such a silly guy sometimes.

So, Here I start again. If you know someone that I forgot to email, tell them to email me and I will give the password and username.
Thanks for you guys!

And the great news of the day…..
IF the RED SOX make it to the next round, we managed to win the ticket lottery and we have 2 tickets to game 4!!!!
Eat your heart out Sparkybear!!! (actually I wish they would have let us buy 4, I would have sold the other 2 to you!)

Welcome to my New Blog!

WELCOME!

Here is my new home! I hope you all like the place. Sit down, relax and join in! Please leave a comment. This account is password protected! Only those I think should be here can read!

Tell me what you think and I will post more later today about the whole JulieV/Wynona thing…

Wynona McGregor

I will be moving my blog soon to a new location. If you want to know, I will email you the password and location when it is ready. I will try to email everyone I know who reads this.

You see, I am on some web boards. Sometimes people like you, sometimes they don’t. Well, Wynona McGregor (NOT HER REAL NAME) doesn’t like me. That’s ok. We’ve gotten into clashes, I try to respect her opinion, but we don’t get along. Dr. Jay has suggested that I just ignore her except for the “nicey-nice” posts.

I did. Until today. Wynona wrote a comment on my blog that peeved me. So I checked the stats from my site meter. I determined that Wynona was the person I thought it was. You see Wynona, the web is not anonymous. In fact, the person who commented after you wrote me to tell me who it was, but I could have found out if I wanted.

Wynona, If you don’t like me, then IGNORE me. I write in this blog to get out parts of my emotions. To exhale, if you will. I don’t need your shit and your issues on my blog. BOTH of your IPs will be blocked when I start my new typepad blog. And it is password protected. And I am NOT posting the password.

I am sorry that you had to behave like a child and then go and deny it. You should be glad that the thread was deleted accidentaly. Only those who saw it know about this. And they do know who you are. I hope that you can learn to let bygones be bygones and let go of whatever there is about me that makes you treat me like this. I know you don’t like me. That’s ok. I can live with that. Don’t treat me like crap too.

So, in a few days, when I figure out how to convert my blogspot to typepad posts, I will move over to typepad. $90 isn’t so bad when I know I won’t have to deal with Wynona anymore.