Andrea Yates in the news again November 11, 2005
Posted by spacemom in : Depression , 1 comment so farHave you heard? Andrea Yates is in the news again. Her conviction was thrown out (again). I wonder if this will get tried again.
I follow this out of interest. I have PPD. This is more than just "baby blues". It is not something that you "snap out of". And, no Tom, vitamins will not help. This is a disease. A chemical imbalance. Pregnancy does a number on your body. I sometimes envy men in that they have basically the same hormone levels every day of the month, they don’t bleed and they don’t turn into a basket ball carrying basket case during pregnancy. (Although they have to actually remember all of these insane baseball stats and they risk "jock itch", so maybe it is a good trade off.)
In my case, I have a history of depression. I never really sought help, a little during college, but the counselors were so overwhelmed that when I called after a breakup, I was told I could see someone in 2 weeks. I had already been seeing someone and if I couldn’t get in then, I figured I should suck up and deal myself. I spent several nights on the 7th floor of the chemistry building, staring out the window with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s. I may have gained 6 lbs, but I did get through the crisis alone.
How does one describe PPD? It’s hard. Dark is the word I would use most. Very dark. Your thoughts, how you see the world, how you think the world sees you. I would have some very happy days followed by a huge drop. It is scary. I can’t really come up with the words. You can see your thoughts and you think, "hmm, that’s not quite me, is it?" but the thoughts keep coming. Nothing seems (GOAL! Sabres score!*) right. A small story, when I was 13 weeks pregnant with Luna, the depression really kicked in. It started around 7 weeks and I made sure my docs knew, but I was off of the anti-depressants. One night I was doing something to my hand with a knife. I still don’t really remember what. But Dr. Jay stopped me and I called my doc for meds the next day.. It is very scary to not really know what you are doing..or why…
So I follow the Andrea Yates things. It brings an incredible struggle up in me. I can’t understand killing your own children. However, I do know she has PPP (psychosis). This is much worse than I can imagine. How do we balance mental illness and a person’s actions? Can I be sane, yet do something when the PPD takes over than I would never do normally? I truly believe that she is mentally ill. She needs help, but should she be punished the same way that someone who kills in cold blood? I can’t reconcile these two things…
*I am watching the Buffalo Sabres play. I am an avid hockey fan and the Sabres are my team… gotta cheer when they score since they are in a losing streak!
