Monthly Archives: November 2005

From the inner part of my soul

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5

Ok this is from the heart.

here’s the executive summary for those who don’t know. Julie, aka
Wynona, left a private web board after I exposed her. She claimed her
computer was hacked and she still does. Then she broke into the
web board using one of the member’s password. Than she grabbed a thread
where unfavorable things were said about someone, created a false
yahoo account under someone else’s LEGAL name and sent it to the
person who was the target.  This has ripped about a community that was
loosely bound, but now is ripped apart. Now Julie is posting that she
has bi-polar disorder and she is getting help. But she still claims
her computer was hacked.

So what are my feelings?
First, I do admit to being catty. I am human and I admit it.

Second, I am incredibly hurt by Julie’s actions. I can’t believe that
her computer was hacked. I can’t believe that someone would simply
hack into her computer to harass me on my blog. That is incredibly
silly. And that this person HAPPENED to be near her work and home.

Third, I feel stupid and mean, but I can’t accept that she is getting
help. I feel villianized on the larger public web board, but Julie has
gotten forgiveness. Somehow that makes me sick.
I wrote the following note to Julie, but I won’t send it.

I feel compelled to write to you. Dr. Jay wants me to walk away
and never speak to you again.
I am not sure what I want to say.

I want to believe that you are getting help, but I can’t help but
wonder if you are just saying that. Does (your DH) know?
Have you trusted him?
I have questions beyond belief…
Why me? You told me that I kept hurting you, but I never saw how.
Now you have hurt me in ways that are irreparable.
I have lost friendships because of your
actions. I trusted the whole Refuge with sensitive things about Dr Jay…
our lives and now I feel so ripped apart.

I think I need to write this out. I don’t know if I will ever send it.

You have hurt the entire refuge in ways that you will never understand.
I will never trust a word you write again. How can I? You lied about
the blog spot, you broke our trust. I am so hurt.
I wonder if you lied to Kimmy about getting help. I can only hope
that you are. I worry about the safety of my home. You are so close
to me physically, I worried about things when you came to my blog.
Now I worry that you are still on your rampage of hate and
will hurt my family. You have destroyed my security.

I don’t think I will send this to you, but I need to get this out
—-

So this is how I am feeling right now… I guess I will walk away from
this shit soon, but this is how I feel today. It doesn’t help that I am in my worst part of my cycle. The depression turns on after ovulation and my soul is clouded in a black haze. Today is one of those days….

Hawaii and small children

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1

Our trip was great. The girls did really well on the
flights. I think we had a total of 30 minutes of Luna crying on one flight.
That’s pretty good for 13 hours of flying. Soleil never napped. While this
should have whipped her out, she was up for 19 hours straight 2 days in a row.
Very scary.

 

The hotel/resort is an amazing place. It is a gilded cage.
You are trapped there, unless you have a car. The food is expensive, the birds
have their wings clipped (on the little islands). You are really really
trapped. However, there is swimming galore! The girls loved going in the pools
everyday. We let Soleil use her floatie suit. It’s a swimsuit with floaties
sewn in. After the first day, she got brave and started to swim without holding
onto me! I am so excited. She’s been taking swim classes, but this will go a
long way to helping her become confident in water.

 

Luna was wiped out by all of this. I am not sure if it was
sensory overload or if the tubes have helped, but she is speaking clearer these
days. Instead of individual words, she is learning catch phrases. “I did it!”
is one of her favorites. And “I want that” although many times she just screams
“MORE” and “MINE” to express her desires.

 

Dr. Jay and I did get some quiet time. We disappeared to
Buddah Point to find a group of beer drinking astronomers (that’s kind of
redundant) and we spent a while there talking one night. We did go out to
dinner alone 2 nights.

 

One day, we did travel around the island. Instead of taking
the short way to volcanoes (which we were afraid that Soleil would get motion
sickness), we did the long way, to the north. We never made it to volcanoes. We
stopped at

Akaka

Falls

,
a beautiful state park with an amazing water fall. We got caught in a down pour
there. Soleil and I had fun, but the rest of them, didn’t. We made it to

Hilo


and ate at Ken’s and then headed back.

 

I think by day 6, the girls were wiped out and wanted to
head home. I don’t blame them. We had another 13 hour travel day. Luckily, we
had a direct Kona- LAX flight. But then our connection was on the other side of
the United terminal. With 20 minutes to connect.

We made that flight just as they started boarding. Then we
finally got the girls to sleep. After 1-2 hours of sleep, there was a medical
emergency. Someone was having a heart attack! Did you know you can land an
Airbus 320 in about 7 minutes? We landed in

Chicago

.
Neither girl had trouble with their ears, although I did and my left ear is
still hurting. I think I stressed the eardrum, but didn’t break it.

The guy was not in great shape when he got off, but at least
he had pure oxygen on the flight.

 

We got home to…as Sparky said…SNOW! I had snow on my roof!
Yikes!

Glad we missed that!

 

So all in all it was a great trip. But man, traveling with
small kids can be tough!

 

I’m back!

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3

Whew, I am back and what a mess!

Hawai’i was great. Johnny, your kid would LOVE the Hilton Wiakoloa. It is perfect for kids. We swam, played by the dolphins, and looked at flowers all day long. We also had some tv time to help calm down the brains. We have one hysterical photo of the girls on the pull-out watching the portable DVD with the scene of paradise out the window.

I have a ton to post about with the trip. But I have one very important thing to say T-Shaped Girl goes to CHINA To meet her daughter TOMORROW!
yes, you read that right, T leaves tomorrow to meet her daughter. I am so excited for you! Stop by T’s blog, it’s on the sidebar under "Are we there yet?"
Can you see I am excited???

I also had a webboard explode under me while I was gone. Thanks Julie! I think she might have the password here too if CL didn’t delete that PM in her inbox. Julie got in via CL’s account and then created hell. Sigh. Women are sucky. Why can’t women be more like men sometimes?

Anyway, I have GOT to get through my work emails. I have another meeting this week (same poster) and then I need to do some data work. I will compose a post tomorrow and hopefully get it back up.

I missed you all! I need to check on Sparky and Mary-Mia and Amber and Johnny….sigh