Ok Folks, time to Confess!

Yesterday, I received ANOTHER email that stated "I have heard you have a great blog.. Can I have the password?" (of course I said yes)

Who is spreading the lies that this is a good blog? This is just one woman’s rantings about life in general!

But I do appreciate the compliments!

Remember my car post? UGH. Today I took my Trusty Faithful, POS Contour to the muffler store. Why? Because it sounds like I a driving a Harley. A Harley with two child seats and playing the Beauty and the Beast Soundtrack, but it sounds like a Harley, nonetheless. I took said Contour to this shop a month ago and the guy said "there’s nothing wrong with your exhaust system". Hmmm. Now the noise is so bad that Dr. Jay and I are constantly yelling to Soleil and Luna "What? I can’t hear you? What?"
I swear, it sounds like we are the geriatric types. Anyway, I was told AGAIN, that it wasn’t the exhaust, so I insisted this guy take a ride with me to help me figure out the sound. After 20 seconds of driving he said "Oh, that’s your wheel bearings." AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Ok- so tonight, Carl (yes, my car’s name is Carl) goes to the Ford dealer. Tomorrow, he gets fixed. UGh. I so want to get my new Accord. But not yet….not until the financing deals come out.

It’s a beautiful day (and toilets)

The sun is shining. The birds are singing. It is starting to look like almost spring in New England! I think I am really coming out of the weekend fog. It was a rough week and somedays I hate the whole word depression and everything that goes with it!

A quick sleep update: Luna is slowly doing better with her sleep. Last night, NO wakeups! Since our desparate post,  she has done well, sleeping through 4 nights! Now we have to get her to sleep through more than 2 nights in a row!

The downstairs bathroom/laundry area is done with the tiling. So Dr. Jay is trying to reinstall the toilet.
He has a history with toilets. A bad history. So last night, he gets it in, and turns on the water…..You can see it coming! Water EVERYWHERE!
So we THINK the bowl is not leaking, but the junction between the bowl and the tank is.. Which is where this toilet tends to leak…
We are buying a new toilet for upstairs. One with a 1.6g flush…One that might not spray water everywhere when we install it.. I hope…

I have become adicted to Sudoku. Sad isn’t it!

Foggy, but better

Thanks everybody for the emails and the comments. I am doing a bit better. The extra lexapro helps. I didn’t get much sleep over the weekend. I tried to nap, but Luna came over to the bedroom and started calling for me outside the door. How can I refuse a pityful "mommy" cry from outside my door?

Good news for the week (now I have to post photos!) I finished the painting in the living room. It now has one wall in "New London Burgandy" which is REALLY dark, but I love it. I have photos, I will post later.

We have the downstairs bath/laundry tiled (mostly). The upstairs is today and tomorrow.

I had a crazy day yesterday. It was BEAUTIFUL so I took the girls to 3 different playgrounds. At the first one, my favorite, there is a toddler play area and an older child play area. Luna goes on both. The older child area has one of those cool Indiana Jones bridges on it. She loves it. I had just helped her climb the rope wall to get onto the playset. She and Soleil were on the bridge together and then it happened.

Luna fell on the bridge and slipped under the rail, falling the to ground. She landed on her butt (perfect landing for a fall) and then her head hit the ground. This playground has the soft rubber stuff on the ground. Whew. I ran for her (all of 10 feet away) and so did every mom on the playground. They were all watching me as I picked her up and soothed her and took her to a bench. Soleil came over and apologised. I asked what happened and she said that they were playing and Luna fell. I asked if it was an accident or on purpose. She said on accident. I told her that it was ok and why doesn’t she go play because Luna looked ok. No blood, no broken bones, no concussion (her pupils had already dialated down for the sun). Once I calmed her, we went back on the bridge, together. I don’t want the poor kiddo to be afraid of these things. She went on the bridge with me, and then dropped my hand like a hot potato and was off for about 20 more times on the playset.

Somehow, the parental reaction was more bothersome than Luna’s. I think there was this feeling that I was nuts to not just coddle her and take her home. I got some strange looks when I had her go up again. Maybe I am just reading too much into it, but there was something there….

BTW- at the second park, Luna slipped and bit her lip. Blood everywhere and then she started picking her nose so one woman thought her nose was broken..nope! Just blood from her lip….up her nose…because that’s where the good tasting boogies live!

I am back in the fog

I have wondered if I should post this, but last night, I felt I needed to write this out. I am getting back into the depression fog. I don’t know why. Perhaps I missed my ovulation date this month. I should start kicking my lexapro up to 15mg tomorrow. But last night, I "fell into despair" (I tripped on a worry)*. I was helping Luna to bed. She was a bit annoyed when I told her that if she got up over night, I would help her. She wants Daddy. Every night. I think telling her that I would come helped because she slept through last night. But as she was resting in her crib and I was in the comfy chair waiting for her to calm herself into sleep, I got a strong sinking feeling.
The voice inside my head and I had a talk
The Voice:" Is this what life is now?"
Me: "what do you mean"
The Voice:"work, come home, chase kids, corral them into bed, hope they get to bed before 9:30 and then collapse"
Me:"Um, I guess"
The Voice:"Don’t you want your life back?"
Me:"This is my life!"
The Voice:"OK kid, whatever helps you sleep at night"
Me:"Wait a minute. I love these kids! They are just well, kids! Soleil’s not even 4, Luna’s not 2. Shouldn’t they need me more at these ages?"
The Voice:"According to society, you should be teaching them to be more independent. Hell, your own mother in law is terrified of watching them this summer because they don’t sleep"
Me:"Won’t they have to be independent most of their lives? Why is sleep such a big deal?"
The Voice:"Because Good Parents know how to get their kids in bed"
The Voice:"You know that is it, right?"

And there I left the conversation because Luna was asleep. Sleep is our biggest issue. And I feel like a total and complete failure in this respect. I don’t know why. My grandparents told me that even when my mom was 4 they had to drive her to get her to sleep. My parents told me that they couldn’t let me calm myself to sleep, I would throw up. I don’t sleep well, I am prone to insomnia. Why should I let society tell me what to do with sleep? I don’t know, but somehow, when my guard is down, this is my biggest issue, I can’t get my kids to go to bed and to stay in bed.

* We have been listening to "Beauty and the Beast" in the car since I ripped it to my MP3 player. Soleil always asks "Why did the Beast fall into despair?" And yesterday Dr. Jay answered "He tripped on a worry". "Why did he trip on a worry, Daddy?" I told him he deserved that one!

Random updates

Some random updates:

  1. We are getting two floors in our house re tiled. I had thought of doing this myself. What a fool! The poor guy took out 1 inch thick of concrete yesterday from our bathroom/laundry room. Apparently the builders had placed the tile in the wet concrete. Lovely.
  2. Luna is now not getting any milk overnight. She is not interested in the sippy. She does ask for her bottle, but doesn’t go too nuts when she doesn’t get it.
  3. Luna is still waking once a night and sometimes throws a full tantrum because Mommy comes and not Daddy. Pisses me off royally.
  4. I am explaining decapitation to my 3.75 year old. Yes, decapitation. Why? Because she is now into Beauty and the Beast. "Beast" "Beast" cries Luna. Anyway, in the appropriately named "Mob Song", Gaston (the bad guy) says "We aren’t safe until his head is mounted on my wall" and "We’ll lay siege to the castle and bring back his head" WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS APPROPRIATE FOR CHILDREN? Anyway, so we have discussed why you can’t live without your head. And why Gaston would just bring back the head and not the body (I argued the Beast would be too heavy to carry) and why if you lose an arm you don’t die. The " But mommy, Why would he bring back his head?" questions just go on and on.
  5. I fear that some people will flame me for talking to Soleil about decapitation, but then again, it is there in the movie. And she won’t stop asking. And we never go into the detail of how the Beast would lose his head…
  6. Dr. Jay is on his third week of the 6MP. Can you say that steroid withdrawal sucks? I knew you could! It is worse than 4 women with PMS at the same time (I lived in dorms!) sigh
  7. We finally convinced someone at work that what I have been doing for, oh, 6 months is worth doing! Yahoo!

The Rules

Recently, we have started a series of RULES for Soleil.

So far, we only have 3

Rule #3:
No wrapping kite string around your neck or your sister’s neck.
(kite string is any string attached to any people of paper which happens to be a kite that day)

Rule #2:
No swinging from Shower Curtains.
(oh, you think this would be funny, but not when she ended up in the tub with the pressure held shower curtain rod just missing her head. "I was just swinging mommy")

Rule #1:
Never ever go on the Roof of a castle.
(We’ve seen Beauty and the Beast. Nothing good can come out of going on the roof of a castle…)

Ah, the new rules of life. A friend of mine wants to add "never start a land war in Asia", but I don’t think she would get it….


We actually got out today to a play. A  musical, a SPAMALOT!

To be honest, it was funny as hell. Anyone who likes Monty Python should go see it. It has us all laughing so hard!

The best part of it was that Crazy H’s husabnd, E, had answered the phone when I called to see if they wanted to go with us. He did it all as a surprise to her. So they went downtown to Boston, then he directed her to another theatre, then turned away and entered Spamalot. She didn’t know we would be there either, so she was rather shocked when she sat down.

Then we all went to my FAVORITE restaurant of all time, Finale  Awesome awesome.
MMM, I had this for my dinner. YUMMY!

Great day out! Really, it was nice to be a grown  up for a day!


Wow, Rule number 1 of fixing a vacuum cleaner-


Or you could just PRAY like I did that the stupid thing works once you have dust all over the place!

On the plus side, I fixed the vacuum! (turns out there was an airline bag tag stuck in the intake…)