My Kid won’t… April 20, 2006
Posted by spacemom in : Mom Phrases , trackbackBK (before kids), I would hear this phrase often. Usually from my mouth. "My kid won’t (fill in the blank with hideous behavior)". Then I became a parent. And something happened. I realized that I can only control a portion of my child’s behavior. I cannot force her to do certain things.
Here’s an example:
Luna. Yesterday. On the plane. She cried during takeoff and promptly fell asleep after that. I could hear the voice saying "My kid would never do that" in the background. But the child was tired. She was confined to a row of seats on an airplane and didn’t understand WHY she had to sit still. That’s a tough thing to explain to an almost 2 year old.
We realized pretty early in this parenting thing that kids are, well, kids. They are not miniature adults. They are not born with a built in obedience system. They are people who are learning how to work within themselves, their emotions, their physical limitations and the outside society. That’s a lot on their plates!
Our family made the decision that we would raise our kids to be respectful, but not necessarily obedient. I wish that they would listen and do what I ask more, but instead, I ask them to talk to me about what they want to do instead. We often have discussions that go like this:
Me: "Soleil, could you please pick up the toys?"
S: "Not now"
Me:"Yes now"
S: "No!"
Me:"Soleil, can you tell me WHY you will not pick up those toys?"
S: "Mommy, I am building a car and I need those toys"
Me: "OK, then when you are finished building the car, please pick up those toys"
(shaking my head thinking, Why didn’t you just tell me that in the first place?)
The answer? She is a kid. She isn’t born with the skills we adults have. As you become a parent you do understand the phrase "pick your battles" and you understand that your kid WILL do those things that
you never wanted them to do pre-kid. It’s our job as parents to teach our kids what behaviors are acceptable, and what aren’t. And we have to expect to remind them often.
Because they are their own person and they are people with their own wills and wants.
And yes, Your kid WILL do that. At least once!
Comments»
Hmm, that is something I need to remember to do. I often get so frustrated with M#1 for not doing something that I’ve asked her to do. I should try asking her WHY she thinks she can’t/won’t do it instead of just getting mad and frustrated at her. Thanks for that insightful parenting tip!
A-men, sistah!