There is a little wave a depression hiding. Perhaps it is hiding under the bed, or in the corner, or in my closet. When I stop and just be, I can see it out of the corner of my mind. It is there, lurking, waiting to pounce on me.
Maybe the rain is getting to me. 2 weeks of rain. A Nor’easter that just dumped 7 inches on the South towns, another Nor’easter arriving this afternoon.
Maybe the feeling of futility is getting to me. At work, I get things done, but I am feeling out of touch. My teammate gets all of the cool stuff. I get the big and slow projects.
And perhaps, the depression monster is just there because it is. Maybe it comes and goes as it needs to, hiding when I am happy and waiting when I am on the edge.
I am looking into the abyss, and deciding if I am just going to look into it, or jump down into the depths of another episode.
Dr. Jay wants me to call Mary Lou, my therapist. Maybe next month. Maybe I can just watch the abyss for now.