How to get the Spacemom’s panties in a bunch July 15, 2006
Posted by spacemom in : Kids , trackbackToday was a day. Wow. After shipping Dr. Jay and Luna to swimming lessons, the kitchen cleaning and a few quick games of "hi-Ho Cheerio", Soleil and I went to get her haircut. Then off to the store to pick up the shortest lived product in our house, Milk.
As we walked in the store, we passed an obese woman. I noticed her, and noticed she was quiet pretty when Soleil said "Wow, she’s fat!". I was a little embarrassed and then made a mental note to talk to Soleil about polite in public when the woman sitting next to the woman screamed out "That was wicked rude!"
"Excuse me, she is a child, she was just making an observation"
"No, that was rude and as her parent you are to punish her and correct her"
I was beyond flabbergasted and moved Soleil on. I explained to Soleil that some people think the word "Fat" is rude. BUT I also explained that what the woman said was rude.
Soleil was afraid that we would run into the rude woman again and I said, well if we do, we just leave them alone and not say any thing.
UGH, when has our society gotten so body image conscience that we can’t let a child make a statement like that? She wasn’t being mean or cruel, just honest. I honestly don’t know what the woman who Soleil said was fat felt. She didn’t say a thing during this interchange.
So now I am still angry about this encounter hours later. Sigh. Why is it OK to call someone thin, yet fat is bad? What if she said "Wow, he’s so tall!" is that rude?
I hate working over the little nuances of people’s perceptions.
What are your thoughts on this?
Comments»
You do have to cut kids some slack because the learned and REMEMBERED rules aren’t all set, yet.
You’re right, that woman was mean to Soleil.
But….and I’m going to flip this on you a little….what if your child learned some nasty racial epithet (at school, not from you guys) and blurted it out towards a person?
Hmm, we’ve already hit the “Booty” one where Soleil learned that booty meant butt and started using that until I told her I didn’t like that.
I would certainly tell her that it was wrong to use a racial epithet in any case. She has asked about racial differences in public and I have always answered that people are different but that doesn’t change who we are inside..
I guess the difference is that a slur is always rude (in my opinon), but is saying that someone is fat is rude?
No, my point is how would you have reacted in public in terms of an apology to the person and/or a public rebuke of your daughter if it had been a racial slur versus a “fat” slur?
I think I would have done the same thing as you, by the way.
I think I would have thought, “Well, if I apologize to this person for Megan saying ‘fat’ then I’m drawing attention to their weight.”
But if it had been racial? Then, I would immediately have apologized to this person “for Megan”.
I think you are right. She’s a child. And that woman might think punishment is appropriate but you know better. Chalk her up to one of the ignorant masses. Sorry that had to happen to you two!
You are right Johnny, if she used a slur, I probably would have said something right infront of the person offended. Racial stuff is much different.
I have had Soleil ask why someone’s skin is dark and I have explained right then, in front of the person how people are different.
J- have you had this with Megan? (not racial stuff, but noticing that people are different looking?)
She’s come close, but not yet. The most offensive thing she might say is, “Mommie she has RED HAIR!!!!”
As a fat person myself, I think you handled it the right way by moving away and later explaining why it’s best not to comment on people’s appearance. I would have been far more embarassed by a 3rd party’s outburst than by a child’s innocent comment. That woman was equally rude to you, Soleil and the obese lady.