A little peice of me August 8, 2006
Posted by spacemom in : Depression , trackbackSlowly, it has taken over. My mind is slightly numbed from the coup. I am deep in the depression. I called my doctor this morning and picked up the new medication this afternoon.
I worry. I worry about taking a new drug. I worry about the side effects. I worry about the fact that I will probably be nauseated the next 2-10 days.
I worry that my children will suffer from this disease. I worry that my disease is affecting them. I withdraw a little more each day. I see Soleil trying to be more affectionate to me. This morning, she came in as I was getting up for a shower. She pouted and asked for a snuggle. I gave her a 5 minute snuggle. Damn the clock. I want my kids to know I love them. I don’t want them thinking that Mommy is withdrawn because of them.
I worry about everything and nothing.
I need to fight this depression, yet the disease leaves me ready to surrender. I think it is a self preservation of the disease. Between the withdrawal from others and the desire to ignore the depression, it allows itself to gain strength.
I will start the new meds tomorrow along with a low dose of the lexapro. The hope is to wean down the lexapro and wean up the cymbalta.
Wish me luck, I need it…
Comments»
Good luck, and many healing thoughts your way.
Oh honey, I’m so sorry - depression is a constant battle, isn’t it? I hope the new meds help. Sending you good thoughts and thinking of you.
(Really glad you got to meet the cool bloggers - sounds like a great time!)
Bigs hugs to you Nance. I’ll be thinking of you.
I am so sorry that you stuggle with this disease. I am sure your kids know that you love them very much, you seem like such a wonderful person..although I don’t really know you as you only the blog as you. Please keep fighting for balance, you so deserve it.