Monthly Archives: August 2006

Bad night

Posted on by
1

You know, when you start a new medication for depression, it MAY NOT be the best time to have your parenting partner and main support leave the continent for 9 days.

The kids are asleep, no body got hurt, voices were raised (Luna’s and mine), but I called a friend for help and got through even the roughest patch when Luna was asking for Dr. Jay  by his FULL NAME! No mommy, no want you! I want my daddy Doctor Jay!
Yeah, that just warms the heart doesn’t it.

Going to bed. Right after I finish this Pop-tart.
Tomorrow will be better…. It will be better

the zoo

Posted on by
Reply

Today, was Zoo day. Soleil’s class was heading to the zoo. So, we all got up early, watched mommy take a shower because G-d FORBID she enjoy a shower in private. Then run off to play. Then after mommy warns that the bus will leave to the zoo without us, the get dressed and pick up toys. Daddy skypes from Prague. We talk and joke while mommy gets lunches and milks together (made them the night before, just need to sort it out). Go to get frozen waffles out of the freezer for breakfast, shit, no waffles.
Give the kids frozen go-gurts for breakfast. Blue and Pink.

Quick, get them in the car. Quick run back for doggie and kitty (stuffed, of course), Quick, get on the hwy. Quick, curse at the traffice while the girls are behaving perfectly. Really.

Get to daycare 5 mintues late. Discover preschool is a mess and the kids are running around like mad. Get Soleil sunscreened,kissed and hugged. Get Luna to her room. Discover it is pizza day. Give Luna a dollar for her pizza slice and then realize that she now has enough food to feed a small army. Great.

Take a deep breath as a leave, but the co-director starts talking to me about nothing in particular. Then rush (RUSH) to Dunkin’ Donuts to get the much needed caffine in my system…..

I feel that I am IN the zoo.

********
On a great note, Sparky and I are having lunch tomorrow as I am heading her way! Yippie!

High Anxiety

Posted on by
Reply

Do you remember that Mel Brook’s movie? Very funny.

I have been dealing with some anxiety attacks the past few days. Have you ever been through one? They are amazing and not so funny.

First, you are paralyzed with the thought that one is coming. You feel the blood pressure start to rise, your pulse quickens. If you are well tuned to your body, you can almost see your heart pumping faster. Breathing becomes more shallow. You start to have a flurry of thoughts, all bouncing into one another as you try to sort out what is happening.

The worst part of all of this, is that it is mostly a chemical cause and a physical reaction. Many times, there are no triggers for an attack. People who haven’t had them may tell you to just calm down. There is nothing to worry about, just relax.

They don’t know that you are out of control. Your body has taken over and you can’t just relax. You aren’t even worrying about anything, you are just reacting.

I have learned to recognize when one is hitting and to try to clear my mind when they do hit. If I let it run and pick up the thoughts in my brain, I will go nuts, but if I just let the physical reactions to flow through me and keep my mind clear, I survive them.

Don’t worry, my ass.

And this is why I hired Eliete!

Posted on by
2

So far, the visit from the in-laws has been okay. The girls LOVE playing with Grandpa and Grandma, as long as I am not there. Lovely, right?
Anyway, Back to the subject at hand, Cleaning.
I blow $80 biweekly on a lovely woman from Brazil, who I am positive has a work visa (not) to clean my house. Shit, better not run for public office now that I declared that!

Eliete does a pretty good job. I never get a good chance to pull out the vacuum, dust, mop the floors, clean the toilets, etc. Hell, cleaning the toilets in a house with a crohn’s patient is worth $80 in itself!
But, I digress again. My MIL informed me that my kitchen floor is dirty. No Kidding. The floor is in prime 1970′s colors. Who wouldn’t want the goldenrod and orange look?
Floor

The original vinyl had a poor wear layer on it. This stuff was probably laid in the mid-70s.  You know, like I had to have sex with Mike Brady to get it installed?

There is NOTHING protecting this sucker. So…The dirt sits in the crevices. Eliete does her best, but unless you SCRUB it on your hands and knees, it ain’t going to look good.

Guess who has cleaned half of the floor this weekend on her hands and knees? My MIL? NO! That would be me! Because I hate hearing how horrible my house is and how yucky the floor is.

We are planning to replace the floor when we redo the kitchen, but not yet. Why waste the time on scrubbing if we will eventually fix it? Sigh….

I sometimes wonder why I bother….
So what does YOUR kitchen floor look like?

Oy! What a day!

Posted on by
2

Okay, I survived day 1 of mommy, and grandparents without killing anyone.
Including FIL when he dropped and ENTIRE ROASTED CHICKEN on the floor. It was accidental.
Or Luna when she screamed and pulled my hair because I took her out of the tub, you know because she was standing and screaming in the tub that she didn’t want bath. I take her out and she screams that she wants the tub. **slam head into wall here***

On the good side, we have 2 tax free days, so FIL and I bought a 32" LCD flat screen TV for them. They drove here, so they can drive it back to Ohio. Saved them about $140 in taxes.

Also, I got a pedicure for the first time ever. Time consuming and a bit odd to have someone lavishing attention to my feet, but I have cute red toenails now instead of purple on one foot and blue on the other (ask Karen, she saw!—My girls each wanted their favorite color on my toes) And the foot massage was orgasmic.

Questions and Answers:

Posted on by
Reply

Soleil: Mom, where does the sky end?
SM: Well, the sky is like a blanket. It wraps the Earth. You know how
the Earth is a big ball?
Soleil: Yes
SM: The sky is a big blanket that keeps the Earth warm, but you can
see right through it. Where the blanket ends, you can see outer
space. That’s why we can see the stars at night. Does that make sense?
Soleil: No, Mom?
SM: yes?
Soleil: Can I have candy for dinner?
SM: sigh….

Luna:Mommy, these your eyebrows?(poking my eyebrows)
SM: yes, they are my eyebrows.
Luna: Luna has eyebrows?
SM: Yes, Luna has eyebrows
Luna: Soleil has eyebrows?
SM: Yes, Soleil has eyebrows.
Luna: Daddy has eyebrows?
SM: Yes, Daddy has eyebrows.
Luna: No, that’s silly, daddy has eyebrow!
(laughing hysterically)
Guess it’s time to tell Jay to shave the unibrow!

Great! Something NEW to worry about!

Posted on by
3

If you haven’t heard about the threat against the British Airlines, please, go to your favorite news.com and read. I’ll be here.

Okay. So is it okay for me to be freaking out about Dr. Jay leaving the country tomorrow? He’s on a flight to Germany and then onto Prague. Given the changes, I think he needs to be at the airport mucho early tomorrow.
I am paranoid of plane travel. I also have been, but over time, I have conquered this phobia. Except when Jay leaves on a trip. Now I need to worry about his safety, how to pack for this trip and why we can’t have liquids on board…..

Sigh…. hopefully, in time, the liquid restriction will change, but for now, this makes life so much more difficult.

Why do people have to learn hate so that it is ingrained in their soul?

Working and waiting

Posted on by
Reply

Even I am getting bored with being so depressed, so I will wait for the cybalta to work and hope that I don’t get the headaches and nausea that I got when I started lexapro.

So what is going on here? Well, Jay is starting to pack for his trip to Prague. Originally, I was to go also, but Luna is just not ready right now. So instead, Jay’s parents are coming to visit while he is gone! The girls are very excited!  They love both sets of grandparents which is wonderful to me. I am so glad that they are so close to their grandparent emotionally even if we are physically apart.

I also have an organizational bug taking over me. I want to rearrange our bedroom and I want to rearrange the office space. We have a kick-ass work desk in our office. However, we have gone completely wireless and have only laptops at home, no desktop computers. So I want to move this honking desk out of the office to the down stairs and place the printer, the router, and the scanner on something smaller. We are looking at IKEA and buying a set there to deal with this…

Work is slow. I am waiting on a bug fix from a team mate. This is hard. The poor guy is sweating it out and we had hoped to have a release on AUG 9. Oh yeah, that’s today. Ain’t gonna happen.

Jay promised me that in 1-2 years, we will go to Italy. I have never been there, so I am game. I wonder what life will be like in 1-2 years?

And last, a big congrats goes out to my cousin N. She has two IVF boys, 2 years apart and just discovered she’s pregnant! A shocker for sure as she is still making payments for her last son’s IVF. Surprise!