Sir, could you spare a minute?

I am exhausted. Completely. Totally exhausted.

I believe the cymbalta is causing some of this. However, the other part is life. Life…don’t talk to me about life.
Eh, what the hell, I’ll talk to you about life.

I have this meeting I am going to next week. I leave Wednesday morning ’bout 6:30 am and arrive in San Fran around 9:30. The meeting I am going to starts at 8:00am. I am hoping to make it to the 11:00am session. That is the one I really want to be at.

My poster isn’t up until Saturday. I am hoping that a friend of mine will bring it back. I can also ask my officemate.
However, I am still writing the damn poster. Somehow, that is only slightly stressing me.

But somehow, I feel very pressed for time in all of this. It boils down to our schedule. I leave Wed, come back Sat. Jay leaves Mon comes back Wed. Then a short break. Then we both go to a meeting in Nov (my parents will stay with the girls), then Thanksgiving (which might actually be at our place), then Hanukkah and Christmas (yes, we do Christmas with my family, but not sure where this year).

Jay is looking for days to take off because he has "use or lose" days. Since I actually bothered to TAKE TIME OFF for my children, I am not so lucky in the vacation department. He is trying to find time to take vacation days. Isn’t that crazy?

Anyway, this is my rambling post about how crazy life gets. It is always crazy around here in the summer. Has to do with the students coming back to classes and meetings ramping up again… oh well….

Not a good start to the day

Last night was painful. I don’t write much about this, but I have a mild case of scoliosis. I also have 6 lumbar vertebrae (should only have 5). L6 is malformed and not fused to the coccyx like it should be if it exists. The means a lot of things, but mostly that my curve is not large enough to require repair work and my muscles have compensated by being stronger on one side than the other. I have a large muscular knot on the left side of my back. Last night, I was in so much pain from this condition that I cried out in pain trying to sit down to read stories to Soleil. She immediately started rubbing my back to help me. I had Jay help rub it out, but the muscles are all inflamed right now. I think it is from all of the work I did last week.

So I didn’t sleep well. And when I did, I was awoken, first by Soleil, then by Luna. I finally asked Luna "What are you going to do when Mommy is gone next week?" She looked at me and said "Daddy will take care of us". Ah, yes, Daddy. I bribed her with a popsicle. If she stayed in bed until the sun came up and didn’t ask for mommy or daddy, I would give her a popsicle tonight. It worked. She quieted right down and sometime after I left, she took off her pants and put them back on because this morning both legs were in the same pant leg. (?)

I was still in pain and underslept. Lovely.

We manage to get out to work/daycare late. Great. Without thinking, I head the car towards 128. Omg. What a mistake. It took 50 minutes to make a normal 25 minute drive. We get to the daycare, no parking spots. All of the "Parking for daycare dropoff only" spots are taken. All other spots are taken. Grrr. Go to the next lot. All of the spots except the 6 bank spots are filled. Even though there is a sign that says "bank parking only" I park. I figure, okay, I will feel guilty, so I will use the ATM when I am done. There is a man there who yells at me for parking there. I explain the situation. He cuts me off, telling me he will have me towed. Frick, I don’t have time for this. I finally help Jay get the girls across the street. I run back to the car. I ask the man his name. Get it and tell him that I will be contacting the bank to complain about his rudeness. He comes up to the car and starts banging on the window as I back up. Then he grabs at the side view mirror as I continue to move.

Grrr. This does NOT make my day start well.

I did call the bank and talked to the manager. The guy is supposed to let people stay for 10 minutes, but he had someone lie to him today so he was in a bad mood too. But banging on my window was so not okay…

Sigh. I feel really bitchy today. No wonderful prose from me…just bitching.

My faith, my belief

As the High Holy days of Judaism are here, I reflect on my religion again. For those who don’t know, I am an agnostic woman in a Jewish family. My upbringing was Christian, but I have agreed, at my wedding, to raise a Jewish family. We have done all in our ability to make sure the girls are Jewish.

Friday night was the start of Rosh Hannah, the New Year. Jay went to services alone, I stayed home with the girls. He went Saturday morning while I took the girls to swimming. He commented to me that it is hard at this point, because the girls are still too young to share the faith. The children’s service is really for K-2nd grade. After 2nd grade, you are expected to go to the full services. Next year, Soleil will be going to the children’s service. But for now, Jay celebrates alone.

Monday is Yom Kippur, the day of atonement. The idea here is that you make amends with those you wronged this past year, and ask for forgiveness. Not from G-d, but from those whom you have wronged. An interesting concept to actually force you to contemplate your own actions.

I have spent 14 years with Dr. Jay. I have studied his religion, yet I remain agnostic. There are just a few aspects of Judaism that I am not comfortable with. Most I go for, but there are a few sticking points (which I am not going into).
He accepts my decision and would never force me into his religion, or any.

This whole situation of my family being Jewish and I am "not" kicked in recently when we were looking over the Reform Judaism magazine we get. There was a discussion about the sisterhoods being asked to open the offices to non-Jewish members. This happened at our Temple. I stood up and pointed noted that you can be Jewish by birth, and hold an office, but not believe. Or you can be non-Jewish and mostly believe, but not be allowed to hold an office. Which was right? Which was okay? (that’s rhetorical…no real answer).
One woman stood up to say that she was a "Jew by choice" (ie converted). She felt that if the sisterhood let non-Jews serve as officers, then her conversion was nothing. The article in the magazine reflected the same thoughts.

I feel so, angry, for lack of a better word, when I hear people say that. You should worship the way you want simply because it is what you believe. Not because your family does it. Not because "you do it anyway". Not because your spouse is that way, not because you were raised that way….But because it is how YOU believe.

I am actually insulted that the fact that I am true to myself would upset someone who converted. They should convert because they wanted to, not to hold an office in the sisterhood.

And that is my rant for the day.

I would like to take a moment to promote a friend’s blog. He is D-Mac. He was my office mate for a few years and a good friend. He is outraged by the current administration and their ideas on our place in the global community. Take a minute to stop by and read. He’ll update about once a week or so, but he is a very intelligent and thoughtful person. Notes From a Handbasket

And what did you do last week?

I wasn’t a very good poster, nor reader this past week. Oh well, this is what happens when you redo the bedroom. Despite my best intentions to take the week off completely to focus on this project, I was needed at work about 2 hours of every day.

Oh well, I spent most of yesterday finishing the painting and by 10pm, we finished moving the furniture around.

I spent most of the days working to TLC. I found that some of these shows were, to put it in Johnny’s words, "sunshine up your ass". All of the baby stories were sweet and kind. Of course, I am sure they didn’t go around looking for people who were high risk, and few of the couples were infertility patients, and of course, the worst thing that happened during labor was an epidural headache. I did feel that if you are watching these shows because you are expecting your first, then you might want to know that there are more scary cases of bad births and occasional deaths. It is scary, but it’s what happens.

Then I fell in love with "What not to wear". That was a nice show. I wish I had $5000 to buy a new wardrobe.

The show "10 Years Younger" was a disturbing concept. They took a person (all women that I saw), who wanted help and they have 100 people look at the person and come up with an age for them. Then the show’s goal is to do dental, facial, hair & makeup and clothes to make the person look 10 years younger. I do think the people looked better, but I wonder if the concept of worshiping the age you look instead of the age you feel is reasonable or not.

I doubt I would be a long term TLC watcher, but it was either that or Nick Jr….
So, you probably want the photos… Here are the before and afters. The Befores were taken in April, 2003 and the Afters were taken tonight.




Happy New Year

L’shana Tova! For those celebrating today, have a wonderful new year. May the year 5767 be sweet and kind to your family.

For those not celebrating, if you know someone Jewish, say "La-sha-na Toe-vah" to them tomorrow. It will bring a smile to their face!

We had a wonderful dinner and the girls loved the apples and honey. Luna was mad that Daddy left for Temple, but after two failed sleepovers, I took them on a drive through the death trap big dig and they fell asleep.

I’m avoiding…

I am hiding, and shivering, in the living room. Why? Soleil is curled up in the comfy chair in her bedroom. She refuses to sleep in her bed tonight. Jay is still with Luna, who is, well, a lunatic tonight. She was demanding that she get a diaper because she had pooped, then she claimed there was a mosquito in the next diaper, then she demanded potty. Jay just told me there are 4 clean diapers stacked in her room.

Now Soleil came home to a rearranged room. I moved her room around today because her new big girl bunk bed is coming tomorrow. The bunk can only fit on ONE wall of her room, so I moved things around and put the comfy chair where her bed had been and her bed to the other corner where the new bed will be set up.

She will not sleep in her bed. She has to sleep on the chair.


Daytime drama

I stayed home today painting the master bedroom. Good news, I got the two walls painted that I had planned on. Bad news? I still have two to go!

Since work has been crazy, this has been the first possible week in months that I could take off to do this painting. I was told by my bosses that I might be needed at work this week. Okay, so I am checking my email every morning. This morning’s email was that my co-worker’s daughter had  a regular checkup yesterday and her 37 week pregnancy is over. No heartbeat.

This hit me hard. I know R was really excited about his first granddaughter. But I think it hit hard in other ways. I had two losses while building the space family. Luckily for me, they were early. Crazy H lost her son late, 32 weeks. I can’t compare the two pains and griefs because they just are so different. At 8 weeks, I had dreams for Pathfinder. At 32 weeks, H had felt her son.

This really ripped through me this morning and I switched my TV watching while painting from TLC to the History Channel. It was much easier to watch 3 hours of adult dying than it was to watch 3 hours of baby stories today. I think of the terrors I had at 33 weeks with both girls, I was in the hospital in May with Luna. Fighting contractions. Everybody looking at me with this pained look, "oh, you’re 33 weeks"..
I remember willing the contractions to stop. For her to keep growing.

I remembered the odd case of my friend S. At 38 weeks, something felt wrong. She decided to mention it at her regular check up. The NST showed a saw tooth heartbeat on her son. She had an emergency C-section and her son was given blood transfusions. For some reason, her body started to drain all of his blood from his body. He is a fine 3 year old today.

There are so many stories out there. Good and bad. Right now, I am following Julia’s story. I am nervous for her, but holding out hope because good things can happen…

There is too much drama right now. I need a little less.

A shopping photo fest

Okay, As promised, some photos!

The shoe fest! I bought 3 pairs for me, one for Luna and one for Soleil. Soleil’s are the pink ones, Luna’s blue (I wanted black, but none in her size) and I got the other two that are shown here.

Then an except of the clothes binge. I didn’t really buy the girls much since my sister sends us every good thing from her daughter, who is 3 years older than Soleil. Here is a nice GAP outfit for Soleil and a pretty Carter’s dress for Luna.


At Williams and Sonoma, I found two amazing finds. First, Dino cookie cutters. Oh man, these are cool. 10 cookie cutters for $4. Not bad. I made the cookie dough Saturday and yesterday we made the cookies and frosted them.
Cookies And my last find, was 2 bottles of margarita mix, 1/2 price. I don’t drink much (maybe once or twice a month), but I want good stuff when I do!Tequila