A decision of a lifetime October 11, 2006
Posted by spacemom in : She Blinded me with Science, Nance, Dr. Jay , trackbackWay back in 1993, a young woman graduated with her BS in Astronomy/Planetary Sciences and Physics Majors. She applied to many jobs in the NYC area, but only got a few bites. Just before the return to Western New York for the summer, one of the astronomy professors asked her if she would be interested in a job in the fall.
Over the summer, she thought about it. She made the decision to take this year off of school, take the Physics GRE and prepare for graduate school. The summer was filled with teaching the sun show at the Buffalo Museum of Science and studying for the GRE. Physics until her brain was saturated with examples and formulae. Finally, she talked with a friend and they rented a house from September to May.
Returning to Long Island was easier than it sounded. The woman felt comfortable there. She had grown accustomed to the sounds, the smells, the people. She was also in love. She had fallen in love with the graduate student she had worked with. He was a PhD candidate, tall, dark, and strangely understood her completely. They had met working together, but hadn’t really fell for each other for a while.
The professor approached her when she returned. He had research for her, but in addition, several of the staff wanted her to take classes. The department would pay for her tuition in return for some teaching. What a deal! She jumped at it, and suddenly was a graduate student without a goal. She took the GRE and did moderately well. She fell below the cutoff for several schools by one question, but still applied everywhere.
Meanwhile, her love grew deeper. The young couple suffered a trial by fire and a crisis of confidence and trust, but they worked through it, building up the trust that had been crushed. They worked together and created a stronger relationship based on mutual respect and trust.
Suddenly, rejection letters came into her mail box. Colorado, Hawaii, UCLA, sigh. But then a call from Ohio State. Would she come for an interview? Yes! YES! A trip to Ohio, visit to his family a bus ride to Columbus. The visit went well. The group indicated that they seriously wanted her. One of the students told her that she was in. The staff wanted her and she was in.
This was what she wanted. To get her PhD. To become a Doctor of Astrophysics. The nights at the telescopes. The data reduction at the computer. The random thoughts of science and connecting the threads while taking walks or in the shower. This was it! She got the acceptance letter in the mail along with a phone call a few weeks later.
And then reality hit her. He would finish his degree in 1995. She would be expected to finish in 1999. They would have to be apart for at least 6 years. And then what? She started a research project. Most married couples in astrophysics lived apart. The "two-body" problem. Could they do it? Could they really live in different cities or COUNTRIES to do their work and still be a couple?
They had a long discussion. He told her that he would try, but his last long-distance relationship failed. He wanted her to go. Go, get your degree. Don’t let me hold you back from your dreams. Her head spun. What to do? Should she go to Columbus? Should she stay on Long Island? She only had a research assistant job on Long Island. What would she do for money? What if the relationship fell apart? She took several long drives to Montauk and walked on the shores of Long Island Sound at night while the future paths lay in front of her.
After a long two weeks, she spoke.
I have thought about this. I really want to earn this degree. But there is something that I can’t leave. There is something in our love that I can’t let go of. I can’t explain it. I have tried and tried and I can’t put this into words. I can not leave you. If I go to get my PhD, I will lose you. I can’t afford to do that. Maybe in the future, I’ll get my degree, but for now, I am going to call Ohio State and tell them no.
He cried. She cried. He took her out to dinner after she called and gave her decision. The professor who had hired her asked her to do a Master’s degree. He offered to be her adviser. The department allowed her to become the first Astronomy/planetary sciences Master’s with Thesis.
10 years later, they rested in their new home. A baby girl slept in her room. They were a family. She stayed in astronomy, but her desire for a PhD is gone. She doesn’t need that. She has all she ever needs now.
Comments»
Beautifully told. I’m so glad you wrote this all down and shared it with us. Life is always interesting, and the choices we make (choosing to go on a last-minute vacation where I ended up meeting my husband, in my case) play out in fascinating ways to define our futures.
That was beautiful…I can identify with your story, and I think we should never miss out on an opportunity like love.
I agree with everyone else. Just love the way it is written. Thanks for sharing.
wow, that was amazing! i’m glad you shared that with us!