Mom Sucks today October 19, 2006
Posted by spacemom in : Mom Phrases , 3 commentsLet me start this post of with the following disclaimer.
In no way do I really think I am a terrible mom. I am having a shitty morning and I know things will get better. My children will not become mass murderers because of this morning and life will continue.
Okay- Now that we have that out of the way, DAMN, I am having a bad morning.
Soleil is in an egotistical phase. It is driving me nuts. I hate it I hate it I hate it. All she can think about is herself.
UGH!!! I am so frustrated by this.
Today is photo day at daycare. I carefully selected clothes last night that would coordinate for a sibling photo. We waited until after breakfast to dress the girls. Then Jay wanted a few photos of his own. They did not cooperate.
Finally, he got frustrated and walked away. I talked to him and then to Soleil. I asked her to try to sit nicely for one photo for Daddy. She said No. I don’t want to do that. I asked if she could do this because it was nice for daddy. She didn’t want to. I got frustrated. I asked her why should people be nice to her if she isn’t nice to others? She ignored the question. So I told her that Lil, my stuffed animal, could not go to school today.
The tears! The screams! The crying and sobbing. I have nicely given up my favorite stuffed animal for her to play with. I had my backup auxiliary cat, Frieda, take care of Lil today.
On the ride in, we talked about helping mommy and daddy. Listening to mommy and daddy. Helping the family. Blah blah blah. Then Luna decided she didn’t want her seat belt on. OH My G-d! The screams! You would have thought we were torturing her by making her wear a seat belt in the car.
When we get to daycare, Luna wants Daddy. Nope, Mommy’s taking her in. Now it is "I don’t want my seat belt off!" UGH!
I ended up carrying her in with the "over my shoulder so you can’t hurt me" move. She did get down once and then she started to scratch my neck, she almost ripped my earring out, and she started pulling my hair. Sigh…
I feel like the worst mother in the world on days like this.
How am I raising such a fricking egotistical child? Why? Why? What am I doing wrong?
What is up with Luna? The freak!
Why am I dreaming of just leaving and not coming back?
I don’t care if the kids hate me, I just want them to be respectful adults at some point. UGH
Okay. enough whining. I have some data to cross-correlate.
I’m weird in not a good way? October 18, 2006
Posted by spacemom in : Weblogs , 1 comment so far
You will swallow some tacks. You are a little weird, maybe not so much in a good way. Buy a yellow tie and wear it on your head.
Take this quiz!
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All I’m saying is… October 18, 2006
Posted by spacemom in : Nance , add a comment… if MEN had to go through menstrual periods and the associated cramps, there would be a little blue pill that would a) remove the pain b) make you feel good and cause you to lose the bloating and c) make intercourse during this time cleaner.
That’s all I’m saying….
Beauty is skin deep October 18, 2006
Posted by spacemom in : Spacemom , 1 comment so farI will admit, I am not THAT vain. Really.
I am trying to work out to be healthy. I am trying to get to my goal weight to avoid the "weight gain of the midyears" as I hit my late 30s.
Only recently have I started to really pay attention to my skin. It started after Luna was born. A friend got talked into a Mary Kay visit. She wanted moral support, so a few of us went with her. I bought a few items and used them.
Slowly I discovered that I liked how my skin felt using the Mary Kay stuff. I have never been high on makeup, but I realized that I should start taking care of my skin. I am now using the right cleanser (feels nice) and a daily sunscreen (which I am good about since I BURN otherwise) and a light moisturizer. I am also using the "day/ night solutions" which help "reduce lines and wrinkles". Surprisingly, they do. I am very shocked how these products work. I like how they make me feel and they keep my face much clearer than it had been in the past.
I still don’t wear much makeup. If I can get eyeshadow (very subtle) and mascara on, I am in good shape. That’s about 3 times a week. But I am good to my skin care regimen. It it seems to be good for me.
I wonder if this means I am vain?
Why I love Jay October 17, 2006
Posted by spacemom in : Dr. Jay , 1 comment so farI have been very tired as of late. So tired that I have been crashing asleep before any nighttime "fun" can happen.
And I feel terrible about this. Poor Jay has to put up with me. He’s put up with my depression. He’s managed to put up with my OCD, he even let me buy a coffee pot that turns itself off so I wouldn’t panic about turning it off.
He puts up with my wild parenting theories. He deals with my arachnophobia. He even leaves chalk outlines.
He only sometimes mentions that I eat the maraschino cherries out of the jar. He sometimes tells me that I don’t empty the lint filter in the dryer and then he sees I do it, he tells me he notices. He buys me cool surprise gifts when I am not expecting them.
He will tell me when I look good, he is honest when I ask if I am gaining weight. He helps me when I try to be healthy.
He is calm and understanding of my many character flaws and he puts up with mom.
And for all of these things, I love him
Castle Ruins October 16, 2006
Posted by spacemom in : Life...otherwise , add a commentAll that remains of the castle cake the girls made for my return…
Cats… Ah ah chooooo! October 15, 2006
Posted by spacemom in : Life...otherwise , add a comment This weekend turned out to be quite the time. Yesterday, we helped Crazy H’s husband, Kobayashi paint their house.
The Crazy H house hold has been slowly working on their house. When their oldest, who is 27 months old, was an infant, they removed a chimney from the house and redid the living room. Before they moved in, they destroyed the small bathroom to make something a little more useable, given it is a one bath house.
The latest adventure has been painting. Kobayashi, and Crazy H started the painting last fall. They bought the paint. Two sides of the house were scraped, and we had a painting party and painted the two sides of the house. Then H got pregnant. So, Skip the spring painting. Other projects (like giving birth and oh, sleeping) were finished. Yesterday we returned to help paint.
Soleil insisted on helping. She decided to paint all of the little shingles she could reach. This means any partial shingles around the house were painted. It was very cute looking and once Kobayashi got over the mess a 4 year old makes, he didn’t mind the "help". She got bored after 20 minutes and ran inside. Jay, Kobayashi and I continued painting. Crazy H was off somewhere and K’s mother in law was watching 4 kids! Yikes!
We actually got one side of the house (the larger side) completely done and about 1/3 of the back done. Fortunately, the back is a) shorter in height than the side, b) shorter in length than the side and c) is interrupted by a window, a door , a chimney and a basement walkout. This will make this a quick finish job.
Now, where do the cats come in? Well, I am deathly allergic to cats. I want one of these. I was calming Luna, who missed mommy and daddy. She was resting on my lap with her precious blankie that I STUPIDLY allowed her to bring in. K&H have 3 cats. Her blankie spent 4 hours getting covered with cat hair. I could hardly breathe after holding her for 5 minutes. I got out of the house and froze at the temps had dropped with the sun. I was wheezing and had a horrible burning in my chest.
Tonight, I discovered that even after we washed the blankie last night (taken away after someone fell asleep), it still has cat hairs on it. I am in oxygen deprivation again..sigh..
PS. Kobayashi did live up to his name last night. We went out to dinner at Bugaboo Creek. The wait was 25 minutes long even with a call ahead. I suggested the pancake place across the street. They could seat us immediately. So we switched. Crazy H had developed a headache, so she was resting at home. She gave K strict instructions not to call until we were seated. So he chose not to call her when we changed venue. Then, after we sat down, he called and got no answer. We figured she fell asleep. About 10 minutes later, my phone rang. It was H. She was wandering around Bugaboo looking for us. She was angry that we hadn’t told her that we were changing restaurants.
Poor Kobayashi…
To all my friends back home… October 14, 2006
Posted by spacemom in : Spacemom , add a commentKeep warm.
Bundle up.
Have a snowball fight.
Remember that it is fun to be in Buffalo!
PS. for the record, my sister is hoping to have power by Tuesday Or maybe Friday… Next week….
Cool. Wicked Cool October 13, 2006
Posted by spacemom in : She Blinded me with Science , 1 comment so farSome days, my work sucks. Some days, it is fun. And some days, it is Wicked Cool (as we say in New England).
Today was Wicked Cool.
We needed to test our new voice loops. What? What’s a voice loop?
Well, when you watched Apollo 13 and Tom Hanks is talking to Houston, he was on a voice loop. Every conversation on these loops are recorded and saved for future archival purposes. Today, we tested our new voice loop boxes. We should start using them next week.
Now, my team only uses them when the spacecraft, or our instrument is in trouble and we need to send commands up in real time. Otherwise, we review commands that are stored on the telescope and executed as the time comes around for them to be executed.
Today I got to play. Let’s say I was at terminal "TST". So here’s a sample conversation:
System to TST on Test loop
System, this is TST on Test Loop, go ahead
TST, could you switch over to the Flight Ops loop and report in the with OC?
System, I copy that… TST to OC on Fligh Ops loop
TST, this is OC
OC, I am just checking in, Going back to Test Loop
TST, I copy that
TST to System
System here, go ahead TST
I am back on the Test Loop, I checked in with OC on the Flight Ops loop.
BORING I am sure, but this is SO WICKED COOL!
We once had a software update that we were loading to the spacecraft and we had to delay for something.
The OC (operations controllers) asked us if we were okay or if there was an error. Turned out it was just that someone forgot that it really did take 1 minute for the commands to come back down.
I am recorded on that loop as saying "OC, this is TST, we are okay. We just had a human memory error" Followed by laughter by the OC, he couldn’t stop….
I love my job
A matter of Confidence October 12, 2006
Posted by spacemom in : Kids, Depression, Nance , add a commentI have a set walk time at work of 11am. I leave my desk, walk around the town for 15 minutes and return refreshed and ready to attack more at work. I spent my walk yesterday think about my last depressive episode. I was thinking how I had turned the corner. Perhaps this episode was completely behind me. I am now making decisions based on real factors, how I feel, how will this affect the kids, Jay, how are the time factors, etc…
In the evening, we had a preschool parent meeting. This meeting discussed 3-4 year old behaviors and ways to help create positive behaviors. The usual things were discussed, be consistent, be calm, consequences (natural and logical), etc. At one point I mentioned how we don’t do time outs as much as asking the girls to go to their quiet space, their room to calm. They can come out when calm, but I don’t like being screamed at.
After the meeting, we got the girls and went to a Chinese restaurant with Soleil’s friend R. It was fun, BUT my confidence was suddenly gone. The girls were given a little flower when they came in. Soleil and Luna played so hard with them, they broke. Soleil wanted another and I used a natural consequence of "nope, sorry, you had one and you broke it". She did ask for another from the woman at the front. The woman said "NO, you get one! Only ONE!" very harsh. I was torn. On one hand, I was embarrassed by Soleil asking for more. On the other hand, it’s a fricken paper flower, lady..chill!
Bedtime went poorly. Soleil kept pushing my nose. Luna had kicked me in the nose the night before and bruised me. Now I was getting angry. I held Soleil’s arm away from me and told her for the fourth time to not touch me. She cried. I felt like shit.
After she fell asleep, I talked to Jay about this. I felt like I was a loser. Suddenly, I went from being confident in my choices to being a lousy mom. What the hell was going on? Jay pointed out that the meeting was kind of like little picks at you. This is what you should do. Do you do it? And repeat this for an hour. Slowly, I was starting to question my parenting.
Do we yell? Yes, I know we shouldn’t but we do sometimes. Do we hit? No siree. We have no hitting or humiliating in our house. Empty threats (such as I am going to leave you here?) no. I am not a bad mom, but after a meeting like this, I felt like it. I really felt like it…
Add a 2 year old screaming terror, and you have a complete shattering of confidence. Today I am going to focus on what I do, not what I don’t do…
