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Thinking…. December 19, 2006

Posted by spacemom in : Life...otherwise , 5 comments

I’ve been thinking about Corey alot lately. We are coming up to 7 years since he died. Seven years is a long time to not hear from a friend. As his wife says, "He’s dead, not deaf". She talks to him all of the time, unfortunately, he doesn’t respond much.

I think this loss was one of the hardest I have ever experienced, and it wasn’t even my own spouse. Corey died at 29, just shy of his 30th birthday. He had two children, 2.5 and 6 months old at the time of his death. He was straightening out his life. And then he was gone. It shook me to my core. I did everything I could for my friend, his wife. We have been friends since we were six years old and I would do anything for her, including just listening on the phone at 3 am while she cried. Inside, it felt like I had lost something huge.

It was more than a loss of a friend. I hated thinking about never being about to talk to him again. But I think we also lost some of that immortality that you have when you are young. Life is good. You don’t hurt in the mornings or on rainy days. You feel good. You have so much to do and to look forward to. And suddenly, you realize that in a blink of an eye, the snap of the fingers, it can all be gone. Zip. Nada. Nothing.

I know I spent days thinking what Corey’s last thoughts were. Did he know he was going to die. Did he see the train and have time to come to grips with the situation? Did he say goodbye in his heart?

I sometimes wonder why we do things. Why we get angry over stupid things. Why we lose our temper and say hurtful things… I know it is human nature, but when I stop and think about him, I try to remember that we are here today. And we can’t promise what will be the next minute.

I am not sure of my point. But I am almost in tears now and I think I need to end this now.

Why Titles are important December 19, 2006

Posted by spacemom in : Life...otherwise, Kids, Depression, Dr. Jay , 2 comments

Scene: in the car

Luna: Mommy, I want the white song
Me: (WTF??) What does the white song sound like honey?
Luna: (off key) I want adventure in the great white sunwear
Me:(think think think) OH! You want Belle’s second song from Beauty and the Beast?
Luna: Yes! The white song!
Me: Sweetie, it is "the greade wide somewhere…not white"
Luna: No mommy, it’s white
Me: Whatever gets you to sleep at night kid….

The depression is passing. That is good. I actually sent Jay that last post. He came down to my office, gave me a big hug and we talked. It helped. Sometimes it is easier to write things down instead of talking..

Remember I said I MIGHT have a minute this weekend? HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Saturday’s hannukah party went great! Started just at 11 and ended around 4:30! Yes, the last people left around 4:30! But that was okay. We then let the girls watch a movie so Jay and I sat on the couch for an hour and talked. Like an honest to G-d adult conversation. Wow.
We thought Sunday would be better, but after our party time (12-2, food at 2! yikes), we got a call from Kobyashi and Crazy H. Their youngest was hospitalized (6 months old) and they needed a sitter to watch their 2 year old in the evening so they could both be there… I took that job. She is home now and doing much better.

I spent all of yesterday in a state of motion. Sigh. Today is not looking much better. Oh well…
I have already informed my sister that when we visit her, she is REQUIRED to babysit one day so Jay and I can get some sleep!