I’ve been thinking about Corey alot lately. We are coming up to 7 years since he died. Seven years is a long time to not hear from a friend. As his wife says, "He’s dead, not deaf". She talks to him all of the time, unfortunately, he doesn’t respond much.

I think this loss was one of the hardest I have ever experienced, and it wasn’t even my own spouse. Corey died at 29, just shy of his 30th birthday. He had two children, 2.5 and 6 months old at the time of his death. He was straightening out his life. And then he was gone. It shook me to my core. I did everything I could for my friend, his wife. We have been friends since we were six years old and I would do anything for her, including just listening on the phone at 3 am while she cried. Inside, it felt like I had lost something huge.

It was more than a loss of a friend. I hated thinking about never being about to talk to him again. But I think we also lost some of that immortality that you have when you are young. Life is good. You don’t hurt in the mornings or on rainy days. You feel good. You have so much to do and to look forward to. And suddenly, you realize that in a blink of an eye, the snap of the fingers, it can all be gone. Zip. Nada. Nothing.

I know I spent days thinking what Corey’s last thoughts were. Did he know he was going to die. Did he see the train and have time to come to grips with the situation? Did he say goodbye in his heart?

I sometimes wonder why we do things. Why we get angry over stupid things. Why we lose our temper and say hurtful things… I know it is human nature, but when I stop and think about him, I try to remember that we are here today. And we can’t promise what will be the next minute.

I am not sure of my point. But I am almost in tears now and I think I need to end this now.