Do you fight with your spouse?
I wonder if Jay and I are unusual. We rarely fight. When I say rarely, I can recount 3 fights during our 14 year relationship. The first biggie was me yelling and he agreeing that secrets are not to be kept if trust is to be honored. The second was when we disagreed about a leaking pipe. The third was right after Luna was born and we had her Brit Bat at home and we started arguing and I turned to him in tears and we both agreed we were stressed from everything and we hugged and made up.

I don’t mean to say we agree on everything. Certainly not. We disagree alot. But we don’t FIGHT about it.
The first big fight was within the first 4 months of us dating. I won’t go into details, please don’t ask. That is between us. But we did discuss that we need to be honest with each other. That trust is earned, not given away like a present. We also agreed at that point to be civil at all times. This is a serious one to me. I know friends who have been in abusive relationships. The words that can be spoken and hurt harder than any blow could just tear me apart. I don’t understand why people insist on trying to hurt the other person with harsh words.

Since that first one, we have kept things civil. We agree to disagree when things get tough. We agree that I can sweat the details and he can sweat the big stuff. We have agreed to always have a plan to deviate from.

How does your relationship work? Do you have knockdown fights? Do you discuss things? are we weird because we calmly discuss things when the going gets tough?