It is interesting to read how different people have different relationships with their parents. I can only assume that my family falls within the normals of dysfunctional, as in all families have some form of dysfunction.
My mom is a very kind person. She tries to listen to others and relate to them. She tries to do nice things for people. Unfortunately, she has a bit of egotism that reflects within all of her actions. For example, when she listens, she will then tell you of a similar woe that occurred to her. She is not trying to do one-upmenship, it just comes out that way.
My dad was in the Navy. My grandparents(mom’s parents) used to say that he was accustomed to following orders, so he and mom work well together. He is suddenly computer savvy and combines the skills of computers with the retired life and has all of his medical records on the computer or on-line. Kinda scary. It’s like "Medicare meets the Hacker". He is enjoying his retired life and that is good.
I love them very much, but six days of visit is about all I can handle right now! Mom got herself in trouble with Jay (yea for Jay) when we left her alone at the house for 90 minutes and she showered and started her laundry, but failed to clean up the breakfast table. Sigh. Her logic was that she was concerned she would put things away in the wrong place and upset us (see, she was being thoughtful and didn’t want to upset us by putting things in the wrong place). Jay calmly explained that you don’t get in trouble in our house for trying to help and doing it wrong. Because trying is better than not. She got the point and did dishes a few times which was VERY helpful when we have 6 people eating at the house. Dad helped when he could to. That’s good. We had them put the girls to bed 2 nights, so we could go out and relax. Tonight, the 4 adults are going out. Soleil is a little sad, because she wants to take grandma out to dinner.
The best part of this visit, and the reason why I am trying to stay calm and centered with all of the stress of family, is that this is good for the kids. My parents and Jay’s families live so far away that I am sad we can’t just visit once a week. But these long visits do make up for that. The kids get to play and meet their grandparents. And that is important. I don’t want my girls growing up not knowing their grandparents. I want them to be comfortable with them.
I do have quiet panics that I will create a relationship like my mom and I have, but Soleil and I have an unspoken bond that goes deep. And Luna and I are developing one. It is odd, given how long it took me to bond with Soleil as a baby, but now she is sad if I go out for a night with a friend.
Communication, honesty, respect. If we keep these avenues open, I hope to keep my relationships with my children open. And maybe when I am older, they will call me one to three times a day!