I am watching Jay play "trouble" with the girls. It is quite interesting.

I had a breaking point yesterday. I suddenly lost it in the shower. One of the problems with the ad drugs is that I find i can’t cry when I need to.  Jay noticed that something was wrong and asked. I replied the worst thing in the world

"There are sometimes when I just want to be ME. I don’t want to be your wife, or Soleil and Luna’s mom, or on the science ops team. I just want to exist alone for a day or two…It’s not that I don’t want the girls, but they are so much work at not being me."

The guilt monster took over. Jay kindly reminded me that this is normal…
And it is.

But sometimes I can’t stop the reality and the guilt from clashing…