The Reality of Life March 11, 2007
Posted by spacemom in : Life...otherwise, Depression , trackbackI am watching Jay play "trouble" with the girls. It is quite interesting.
I had a breaking point yesterday. I suddenly lost it in the shower. One of the problems with the ad drugs is that I find i can’t cry when I need to. Jay noticed that something was wrong and asked. I replied the worst thing in the world
"There are sometimes when I just want to be ME. I don’t want to be your wife, or Soleil and Luna’s mom, or on the science ops team. I just want to exist alone for a day or two…It’s not that I don’t want the girls, but they are so much work at not being me."
The guilt monster took over. Jay kindly reminded me that this is normal…
And it is.
But sometimes I can’t stop the reality and the guilt from clashing…
Comments»
Know that you are not alone in your feelings. There are many times that I would much rather crawl back into bed then face another day as Mom/housekeeper/cook/grocery shopper. As your husband said, your feelings are definitely normal.
Oh so true in what Stephanie said. I sometime get myself so involved with many activities that I get myself boxed into a corner. Being a Mom is not an easy job and I wish we have a day where we are given a free ticket to do nothing.
Please know you too are not alone - chime in when you need to talk/email me.
As a father I can only confirm just how normal that is. I love the girls. I am the happiest person for having them in my life. And still, there are the moments where I just want to be me.
I feel terrible about it. And I feel terrible that sometimes I look forward to the next business trip. I tell myself it’s human to feel that way… you said it perfectly: reality and guilt are clashing.
I so understand that feeling…last Mothers day, scott asked me what I wanted. I said what I really want is to go somehwere alone…
Oh yes, there are many times when I think back to my single years, living in my own apartment, having entire weekends empty to do whatever I wanted…there are times when I wish so much to go back there *just for a day*…
I hear you, loud and clear, spacemom.
Lawmommy