You never forget July 17, 2007
Posted by spacemom in : Weblogs , trackbackI’ve had a sinus infection for a few weeks now. Since I prefer to let viruses (virii?) run their course, I let it go, but this weekend it got rough. So today I went to to the doctor where we decided I am "somewhat itisy" and gave my amoxicillan.
The weird part is when I got my temp taken. I explained that I fevered over the weekend and the nurse said "but your temp is low at 97.4" I almost said "Duh, that’s because I am ovulating today and my temp won’t go up for another day. Check it on Thursday and it will be 98.2"
Yes, My baby is 3 years old and I still can tell you
a) my pre-ovulation temp
b) my post-ovulation temp
c) my ovulation day and sometimes the time
Once you traverse the roller coaster of infertility, you never forget. Some people who are still on the ride don’t realize that. There is the thought (and I was there too, so don’t think I am talking about YOU) that "You have a kid! How could you possibly understand!"
But I do. I was there. I am forever in touch with my sucky reproductive self.
I know far more about reproduction than I ever cared to.
And I have not forgotten the pain of finding that another cycle failed. Or the pain of seeing a babe in a mom’s arms. Or a smiling pregnant woman.
Comments»
I was just discussing IF with my cousin this morning. She went thru it, did IVF and has twins…..I went thru it, did IVF twice, have my little girls….but you are right, you never forget. I will never forget being at the beach and my pregnant cousin and pregnant sil coming down and just getting AF. I left in tears.
I don’t believe I am done with this journey either. I believe there is another baby in my future. Most likely not concieved naturally, that would be too easy.
But you are most definately right, you never forget.
True true….I have a friend who is trying desperately to get pregnant, and I so return to That Place when talking to her, like it was yesterday. I am so grateful to have my boys, but I too remember with heartache every aspect of the journey, and still experience a horrible sense of loss when I get my period (even though we are not actively TTC).
And its hard, because I want to share with women the “I’ve been there, I’m so sorry” pain, but I also know that as a mom, while some see my support as helpful, to others I am simply salt on their wounds.
Hope you are feeling better soon!
Since we decided to give number 3 a try, I started hanging out on the TTC forum at my fave parenting place. It’s a sad, desperate, obsessive place and my heart goes out to all the women who are finding out that it’s not as easy as our high school counsellors said it would be. I don’t know what it’s like to suffer from the pain of infertility, and I found your post really interesting, Spacemom. I, too, would have assumed you “get over it” after you have kids.
yeah… temperatures… yeah, bloodwork… yeah, a lifetime ago and yet every 28 days it feels like yesterday…
Now though, each month comes with the fear of getting pregnant, I just can’t go there again, it’s this all consuming fear that each time I some how manage to prevent from taking me over.
the rollercoaster sucks, I can’t say more about it at this time.
I havent forgotten, but the pain has lessened so much that it almost seems like it happened to someone else. I cant quite believe I went through all that pain. Maybe I’ve closed it off as I know that part of my life is over
(and yippee! I love the new format and just discovered I can comment!)