Stress and Anxiety

The downward spiral began a few days ago. But now it has gotten close to the bottom. 

It starts small, a stress over an imperfection. Then it starts to gain speed until it becomes a giant snowball. We leave for a wedding in a few hours. I am currently a ball of stress and anxiety. Once we get on the plane, I know I will crash. This is just how it is right now.

Last night, I was down in the pit of despair. I could not move, I was paralyzed with depression. I will hit that again tonight.

I’ve had more good days than bad lately. So why is this hitting me so damn hard?
 

What would you write?

I have a strange ambition to write something. I don’t mean my blog, or a letter to my kids or things of that nature. I mean, I want to write a book. I don’t know why. Perhaps it is a desire to have something of mine created? Something that will make people think?

The problem is, I don’t know what to write about. I wouldn’t know. Things that I think of are often trite. I like science fiction, but I don’t ever feel cleaver enough to write in that genre. I love murder mysteries, but more because I like to solve them. I am not sure I could come up with a good murder. I have a story rolling around in my head, but I am not sure how I would write it. It would be based on truth, but obviously it can not be the truth anymore.

I am also unsure how to create a character. Seriously, people go to meetings and classes on this. How could I just create characters and work with them? What if I create Frankinsteins instead of Belles? What if I ever decided to just start writing? Would it suck ass? Or would it actually work?

Have you ever thought of writing? Have you ever thought of branching out in such a strange direction that is abnormal to all you have done?