What’s your style? November 6, 2007
Posted by spacemom in : Parenting 101 , trackbackChicagoMama had a great post about her parenting style. I liked this post and I promised to appropriate it. It is funny how CM and I differ! 
- I push politeness. I do my best, but I forget sometimes. I use Please and Thank you with my husband and children. I do my best to explain that we need manners. As far as I can tell, we have done pretty well on this front. I still have the "climbing on the furniture" issue… Sigh
- we encourage television. I know, we are horrible modern parents, right? But…but…both Jay and I learned a great deal from TV. We both watched shows that are now on discovery channel. We both retained factoids from shows like this. We would watch these and go to the library and learn more. The girls will watch a show and then play act it. I like to see this kind of imagination. Take an idea and expand on it. We discuss what we watch on TV. My most often repeated phrase during TV is "nope, we aren’t buying that". Sure, they get exposure to toys that they would otherwise not see, but I can’t prevent them from seeing the world forever. So let them see it now, with the explanations of what manipulation is.
- We sadly encourage free thought. I say sadly because it means that we get into minor power struggles. Teaching respect while teaching independence and standing for what you mean is a tough line to toe. But we are doing it. I want my girls to have the balls to stand up and say "This is wrong. I will not allow this to happen" while doing it with respect. This is so hard. Some days I just want them to listen and do what I ask….
- Lack of cleaning gene. I failed to get the cleaning gene. I failed to pass this on to my children. Last night, Soleil lost it when I pulled back her sheets… Why? Because she had made her bed! And she didn’t want to have to make it again (as in EVER) sigh… Luna’s room is just as bad
- toys? Ha! I try to eliminate some, but I don’t go as crazy as I could. We have 2 leap pad books and will have 2 leapsters in the house. The girls love these toys, as much as they love books. We don’t go crazy with educational toys, but we also don’t discourage them. I originally thought I would do without plastic toys, but I found that you can have a healthy mix.
- I was surprised to discover we don’t punish much. The two biggest things that we use are removal of TV privileges and quiet time. We will ask the offender to go to their room and calm down so we can talk. Not letting TV be watched is a huge issue for the girls. We don’t use time outs (we limit what we do use), we encourage discussion, we don’t hit.
- In the same vein, I encourage the girls to work it out. A common phrase in my house is "So? Why are you telling me what she did? Go tell her how you feel!" I make them discuss their feelings with each other. I refuse to be a referee. If I wanted to be a ref, I would sharpen my skates and apply to the local league.
- I believe strongly in the "try out and find the answer" parenting. As long as it isn’t going to hurt anyone, I allow for experimentation. So far, so good. We have the most interesting dinner discussions. And we have a great deal of "..and if this breaks, who’s fault is it?"
- Everything is fair game for discussion. Imagine the day that Jay went to Elie Wiesel’s talk. They now know that Wiesel spent time in a "camp" for Jews that was created by a man who was not nice. A man who wanted to run the world his way. A man who hated Jews just because they were Jewish. I am not going to explain Auschwitz with them today. But they have a right to learn about the evils of the world.
I think that sums up the space parenting…
Comments»
Oh I just read Chicago Mama’s a few minutes ago and then popped over here. I love reading this. Different strokes for different folks, very interesting. I was raised in a house very much like Chicago Mama’s but have ended up being a little more relaxed about the tv and a few electronic toys and strict discipline. Good post…makes me think about the way we parent.
I parent on the fly. Meaning I don’t have any hard and fast rules, other than politeness, not hitting your friends or grabbing from other kids (I guess that’s politeness). Everything else is flexible. Sort of. And I’m the first to admit that Diego does more babysitting than he should, but it’s the trade off for my very imperfect work at home mom situation.Then again, there are days like today where the tv hasn’t gone one once. Yet. It will, oh but it will….
Very interesting post. Thank you. I like to learn abuot other’s parenting style. We are very much into politeness and it’s finally taking shape with Grace. I would like to hear less of “I want” and I need to turn the TV off more on the weekends. I tend to use it as a means for me to get things done…but it is on too much.
There are other things I need to work on….consistency being one and picking battles being the other. DH and I need to start getting on the same page with that one.
I love this post…because I get so many great ideas when other people tell me how they parent. I will admit to shamelessly stealing ideas I think sounds good and trying them out on the girls. If they work, I appropriate them forevah!
I have been working on not being the referee in disputes at our house as well. This is hard sometimes, especially when I am pulled in several directions and forget to let them work it out becuase I want it over so I can get what I need done, done. But your post is a good reminder for me about that issue.
p.s. Could you do me a favor and drop me an email with your address again? You’re on my x-mas card list, but I can’t find your address in my folder. Ugg, apologies in advance.