Listen, despite that Paris chick (don’t you have enough money to get her a shrink? and underwear?), I really like you. You are a wonderful hotel. You are almost always clean. The staff is wonderful and you have so many pillows on the bed I can have a separate pillow for my head, my torso and every limb. But I digress. We have a problem.
I really do love you, but I think we need to discuss this. Bluntly. You see, the problem is this. You’re too greedy. I have stayed in your low end hotels before. They are still clean, sans the extra pillows, but with wonder staff. I have never had a problem staying at homewood suites, even that time we had to go out for a pacifier in the middle of the night. At your low end hotels (which are still pretty pricey), I get free Internet, free pool, free breakfast, free butt scratching (OK, no free butt scratching, but you get the point.) Now here I am, in Texas at a downtown Hilton. I am paying $9.95 per 24 hour period for Internet. Hello? I am asleep about 8 of those hours. 10 if I am lucky! And you are already paying for the Internet access anyway. It’s not as if the cable company charges you more if more people are using the line. Come on, this is just plain greedy. If you must ask people to pay for it, charge $9.95 per stay. And this afternoon, I went to work out. I brought my workout clothes, including sneakers, just so I could keep my exercise routine going. $10 a day or $15 for the stay to use the equipment. Dudes? Dudes! The stuff is here. You have got to be kidding me! I blew the $10 since I know I need to keep my mental health going.
Now just to be sure, I checked with the front desk. The two bottles of water in my room? Those are free. (although I could just drink the tap water, which is what I am doing) In Hawai’i, that Hilton charged us $6 a bottle of water. (I am NOT kidding).
I know, I know, you are saying "most businesses pay for these extra. It’s not like it REALLY comes out of the pocket of the people who stay here." You see, I COULD charge this to work, but my gut says no. I am not going to charge the government for the exercise room. (On the other hand, I did do work today from my room, which required Internet connectivity.) This is just a lousy business idea. Don’t screw around on the little things. Charge what you charge for the room and make the other stuff free (okay- you had a great breakfast buffet this morning and I don’t mind paying for that!).
Okay? let’s just work on not screwing over the companies that use you for business.
And seriously, get Paris some help. That woman is seriously messed up.