*apologies, Douglas Adams

 Yesterday Soleil had her 6 month checkup at the dentist. She LOVES the dentist. This visit was good and bad and left me feeling inadequate as a parent.

Hence, the title of this post. Shall we investigate my soul right now? Oh joy! Sit back and join me!

THE GOOD:
       Soleil went right into the dentist chair, after taking her shoes off because we don’t put our shoes on furniture, and I spoke to the hygienist. "She’s been having pain down here, with this tooth in particular. It is at a bad angle and I swear it was not like that 2 weeks ago. I think her adult tooth is pushing it, but it isn’t loose." The hygienist looked and agreed with me that the adult tooth is pushing up. It is only a matter of time. In the meanwhile, a little Tylenol will help her with the pain. Then Soleil looked up and said "Mom, Please go to the waiting room. I can do this alone. I am in Kindergarten you know."

This is not the first time my sweet little one has asserted her independence. However, this one floored me. I felt so…unneeded. Mom is not needed. Not Mommy, Mom was not needed. I sat down with a copy of Real Simple and watched from the waiting room as my child went on to talk to the hygienist. To be honest, I wasn’t sure how I felt. It was bittersweet. She didn’t need me there. She wasn’t rejecting me, she was just trying to show that she could do this on her own. She is very independent this way. I expect to buy a set of walky-talkies this year to let them play in the yard more and we will communicate via the walky-talkies. She heads to the restroom herself in restaurants. She insists that she can do things that I worry about. I try to let go…within reason. She is a strong, confident human being. I respect that and I feel it is our job as parents to foster these emotions. But it doesn’t mean that I don’t feel the sting when she walks away.

THE BAD
      2 cavities. Yes, 2! Horrible horrible news in my opinion. This is all my fault. You see, she was always a terrible sleeper. She needed her bottle to fall asleep. We didn’t make her give up her bottle until she was (gasp, hang my head in shame…) three. Her sister was born when she was 2, so we had already moved to sippies then. But for nighttime, she needed her milk. She needed the primal comfort of sucking. So we let her keep the bottle. To take it away and then let her baby sister have a bottle, that would have been cruel. So we waited. And waited. After our first trip to Hawai’i with the girls, she traded it in for a magnifying glass.  Instead of a bottle of milk, she took a sippy of milk to bed. This tradition continued until last night. I finally said ENOUGH! I am terrified that because I am soft hearted I let the milk sit on her teeth all night and this is why she has 2 cavities. Sigh.

So, am I a good parent? Or a bad parent? Should I let my 5.5 year old foster her independence, but take away the milk sippy at night? (it’s now a water sippy, a change she took in stride, Luna did not handle the change very well)