Daily Archives: March 4, 2008

Day 3: The scream of the Nazgul

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If you have seen Lord of the Rings, you know what a Nazgul is. Tonight, Luna was one.

I tried to send them towards bed early. They were given a time to get jammies on so we could chose a TV show. They asked to play longer. Fine with me! So I set up the timer, warned them when it was getting close to zero and let them play.

Then Luna lost it. She didn’t want to have snack, books and bed. She wanted to watch TV. She knew they made the choice not to watch it. Sigh. Then she screamed because she didn’t want snack. Then she wanted a different book than Soleil. Then she screamed because I used the Superman toothpaste instead of the Princess toothpaste. Not that we HAVE Princess toothpaste. Apparently, that’s at the store. But she wanted it. And then she screamed because she got a blue flosser instead of a red flosser.

I finally got her in bed at 8:25. And THEN the fun began. She started sobbing for Daddy. Daddy daddy daddy daddy. Screw mommy, just want daddy. I stayed very calm during all of this. In part of my mind, I feel that we baby her too much. She is 3.5. She should be able to not need someone with her. Of course when Daddy is gone, it throws her into a panic, so she doesn’t sleep as well. So of course I need to give her more attention. But of course Soleil more attention. Which is why Luna finally feel asleep at 9:50 and Soleil is watching the Vancouver vs Colorado hockey game with me.

I made lunches at 10. Put the garbage and recycling out at 10:15. I am exhausted.

How do you single parents do it? Or parents who have the partner travel a great deal? HOW? 

Soup and Jelly Beans

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Yes, that is my lunch today. I eat like Crap when Jay’s not around to check on me! :) Besides, I can only get good jelly beans during the Easter season. And peeps. Yes, my friends, it is that time of year again to horde peeps and let them get stale…mmmm… stale peeps…

Okay- enough of my freakish eating habits!

I’ve been thinking alot about depression and genetic ties. I have a family member (not to be named- Let’s call her Francine) who has been experiencing violent episodes and depression. She’s a teen, so there is this attitude of "oh she’ll grow out of it" that some people have. But…but what if she doesn’t? What if the depression I have always felt, the depression that I saw my grandparents deal with is genetically passed on to Francine? What if this is a life long struggle? How do you tell a kid "it’s okay. I spent my junior year of college wanting to hurl myself out the window of a 7 floor building and I’m okay. Except for when Soleil was born. And when I got pregnant with Luna. And after Luna was born and my meds stopped working." Yeah, there’s some hope for you.

I am considering working with my doc to deal with the fact that I will always have depression. It will wax and wane, but I will always have it. How do we tell our children this? Soleil will sometimes do small, minor damage to herself when she is angry. Things like digging her nails into her arm. I watch and suggest others ways to get her anger out. But, what if she has the depression too?

How do we deal with something like this when it is so damn hard to accept in our society? When people tell you to "just get over it"? When people say "it’s not that bad". How?