Bobby’s words- What does “woman” mean? May 28, 2008
Posted by spacemom in : Life...otherwise , trackbackI have been reading. Jay picked up several books and left a few Robert B. Parker books. He left one called "Double Play"
This is one of Robert B. Parker’s best books. It deviates from the Spenser novels in that the main character is new to the reader. We don’t quite understand Burke’s history. The story is simple. An 18 year old ships off to war, he returns barely alive. After recovering, he finds his life in shambles and takes a job boxing. Slowly this job evolves to a "persuader" for people to pay their gambling debts to being a body guard. After being fired from one job, he is offered a very difficult assignment: Be the bodyguard for Jackie Robinson, the first black player in the National League.
If you are familiar with the Spenser books, then you know Parker’s style. His heroes are stiff in business and soft in bed. They love their women, but know how to distance themselves from the job. In the Spenser series, the sidekick is Hawke, a large black man whose street smarts and fighting style compliments Spenser. Hawke is no dummy, he is well read and well heeled, when he wants to be.
This book explores a whole other side of the black and white culture. It is fascinating to read how Burke and Jackie get along, work together, hail cabbies, eat together.
Interspersed in the story are chapters that are simply labeled "Bobby". It took me three of these to realize that Parker was referring to himself. These chapters are oddly disturbing. They change the story. The views of the culture after the war and the culture during the war were disturbing. Hearing how his parents wouldn’t sell their home to a Jewish family because it would "betray the neighbors" was upsetting.
But I think Parker nailed it with this quote:
The culture presented premenopausal women as girls
This phrase has stayed with me. Is this the problem we have in our society with female equality? That men think of women as no more than large girls? Is this what people who are now in their 60s and 70s were taught? How about in the 50s and 60s? I think late 60s was the change.
I am not a girl. I am a woman. I have change my own tire (with the right tools). I can take out the trash. I pump my own gas. I put up drywall. I do not kill spiders, but that’s a phobia, not a female thing. I bleed once a month for a week and live. I don’t need protection from a man, I need love and companionship.
Today, what does woman mean? I hear people call women "girls". "Girls’ night out" (No! Women’s night out! I am not a girl!) "The girls and I are getting together." "The girl at my office."
What does woman mean? I am careful to call any female over 18 a woman. She is legally an adult (except for drinking because our country is insane), she’s a woman. What does woman mean to you?
Comments»
Steve-
I don’t think it is over analyzing. I’m in a male dominated profession. I see sexism all of the time. And if you look carefully, it is not that Parker wrote that the culture “Called women girls” it “presented … women as girls”. The point is that childbearing women were still viewed as children. Not as adults.
It’s more than a name, more than a label. It’s an idea. or perhaps an ideal.
BTW- I would slug Jay if he called me his girl.
Each woman is different.
I guess I would rather be called a girl than a guy - as in, “What are you guys doing this weekend?”
Well, biologically men prefer young women who appear vibrant and fertile. Thus, female fashion (both mainstream and porn) tend to infantalize women. Big doe-y eyes, smooth legs and skin…Culturally we devalue old women. Our culture in particular has no image of the female elder, no recognition of the value and power of motherhood. There is no old woman ideal to strive for. Which is why I guess I never refer to myself as a woman. I always call myself a girl and I call others girls even though we’re in our forties now. It feels funny calling myself a woman, it seems…old. Which I think is why so many of us call ourselves girls (girls night out, etc). So that’s my two cents on the subject!
Are 18-year-olds automatically women? I’m not sure. I think it’s more a matter of life experience than of number of years lived, and most high-school seniors have (hopefully) not had those sorts of hard experiences yet.
For me, I’ve thought of myself as a woman for a long time now — probably since my mid-twenties — but for several years after that, I felt strange about describing myself that way to other people, especially if they were older than me. I think I thought they would scoff and tell me I was a poser!
At this point, though, I have no more qualms. I’m closer to 40 than I am to 30; I’m self-supporting; I’m the widowed mother of a 9-year-old. If I’m not a woman by now, I never will be one, so I’ve claimed the title for myself. The only time you’ll catch me “going out with the girls” is if I’m taking G and her friends to the mall.