Grinding away August 6, 2008
Posted by spacemom in : Life...otherwise , 3 comments( a follow up to yesterday)
I enjoyed my break in NC. Not from the kids (HA HA HA HA HA!), but from some of the other pressures I have in life. What pressures? Let’s see:
- work. I love my job. Love it. Love it Love it. The people I work with are fascinating. From the woman who works in the next office (Hi HG!) to my officemate to the crazy mission planners, it is so neat to learn about these people. I enjoy the work I do. It can be stressful, however. That make a huge pressure on me.
- Getting the kids to where they need to be and tracking everything. I am the keeper of information. I track everyone’s parties and appointments. I know when and where events happen. Even though I track it on the Google calendar, I am still the keeper of information. That is busy.
- House projects. I am the one who tracks when certain jobs are getting done on the house. When we do what. When our cleaner comes, when the landscapers come, when the paper gets paid, etc.
- Exercise. HA HA HA HA! Jay tries to get me to exercise everyday. Let’s just say that isn’t happening right now.
Personally, I found work somewhat fulfilling before I had kids, BUT… I also had started painting classes. I really enjoyed creating. I also enjoy baking (and eating) sweets. I love doing DIY projects at home. All of these things make up me. Not just the work, but the other parts. Now I find that I feel stuffed in a tiny box. A box that says "Nance is a part time mom and part time worker and a full time nothing". That box is hard to fit into. I still want to paint. I still enjoy baking. I have less time. I need adult companionship. I need friendships, but how to balance all of this? There are so many hours in the day.
As we approach fall 2010, I find things even more crazy. In September, 2010, Luna will go to first grade. She will be in school 5 days a week. I have been asked if I will stay part time at work. The implication is that I should go back full time. To be honest? I don’t want to go back full time. I like part time. I would love to be 3 days a week instead of 4 (although that is hard to do, so I doubt that will happen). I am planning to stay 4 days so I can take 1 day for Nance. That person who doesn’t fit in the box. I need to break from those parts of me that say "I am mom and I am on science operations" and say "I am me. This is what I want to do today."
The American Dream? Is it really to work full time and raise a family and save money and then what? Die? I want to explore. So far, we’ve saved a pretty nice chunk of change. We are saving for college and for retirement. I want to be able to explore the world and myself while I still can. I wonder what is the American Dream these days.
