Watching the Moon

A combination of girl and clown
you wander the world in your own fashion
You don’t want to hurt anyone,
you just love the reactions.

Sometimes, you are quiet
lost in your own world where
princesses reign and princes need love

 

And other times, you need to be loved
and cuddled and snuggled
to leave your sister behind.

 
You are my moon-child.
The light of the sun reflects
the unique facets of your personality.

 
You shine with a light that few see
It is the love of humor and fun
Of jokes and tricks.

 
I don’t claim to understand you
The powers that control you are
beyond my comprehension

So I watch. I observe.

I try to understand why you do
Everything you do
And yet, I don’t understand.

But it doesn’t matter
For I still love you
My little baby Luna.

My forever Moon child. 

 

  © copyright Spacemom 2008 

The post in which I bitch about the lack of time

Time? What is that? I have been rather overwelmed the past two days. Work, kids, Jay, all busy.

BUT… I have had time to exercise, and sleep and get things done that really needed to get done.

Today I got some interesting things done.. I made canned apple pie filling. Yes, it is canned so in the dead of winter, we can grab two quarts and make an apple pie with the apples we picked last weekend.

Of course the apples from last weekend were damaged from hail a few weeks ago. Most of the apples must be cooked instead of eaten fresh from all of the damage. sigh…

Anyway, if you haven’t seen me around? I’m trying to find some time…. 

Neighborhood Gossip

While meeting at the bus stop this morning, our newest neighbor revealed a bit of information she was told.

One of the men on the next road is elderly, and alcoholic. He drives while drunk. He has driven on the sidewalks and the yards before.

Lovely. So we all agreed that it is important to tell the kids to be careful of any car that is not driving as it should. To be aware. To RUN OUT OF THE WAY if a car veers towards them even if they are on the grass.

This will be tricky, mostly because kids are…well…kids. They rarely have the attention to things outside of their current focus. Can they notice a car? Sure. Will they remember the warning and get out of the way? Probably… But little worries will always cross my mind.

I can’t hide them from the world. There are bad things out there. There are people who hate them simply because they say the Sh’ma. I can’t protect them from all of that.

Sometimes the world feels like an awfully big and cold place. 

Banned

I just banned someone from reading. If he figures out how to get back here, I’ll ban him again. Oh yes, this time my favorite stalker is hiding behind a male name. But again from a free account at a large IP. So sorry. Not allowed in.

 

This is MY BLOG. MY Space. You want to email me on how sibling abuse is because the parents suck? Fuck off.

Don’t bother to email me, I have already blocked your email addy. And your IP (which you use to check here) is DENIED ACCESS. Because WordPress allows me to do that, not like typepad.

Bye bye crazy. I am stressed enough without your bullshit. Don’t want it, don’t need it. not taking delivery. 


ETA: Okay NOW my crazy is banned. Until she finds another proxy site. She was using olympicproxy.com to pretend to be someone else.

 

 

Another weekend recap.

In Bullet Form !

 

  • Worked over the weekend to get the presentation for the flight director’s board done.
  • Prepared for, set up girls, got the troop together and marched with the Girl Scouts in the Town Day parade.
  • Let Jay, Soleil and Luna go up in a hot air balloon. Was too busy prepositioning car to do much with balloon.
  • Lots of activities at the parade
  • Laughed at Obama riding in the parade. It was a cardboard cut out standing in a convertible. Go Obama.
  • No McCain or Palin placards in sight.
  • Got a week bit over run by the sheer number of people at the Town Day
  • Went home and took a nap
  • Played with girls…had fun
  • Got up early the next day
  • Went Apple picking
  • Discovered that TS Hanna left a hail storm that damaged the apples.
  • We now have 120+ apples that will need to be made into pie
  • Sunday was 80 degrees. I got a sunburn
  • Made a nice crumble
  • Ate said crumble
  • Took Luna ice skating yesterday. She blew away the 5 year olds in her class
  • Then she melted when I said NO to McDonald’s
  • But we got her a hair cut
  • With pretty pigtails.
  • And Soleil is tired when she gets home from School
  • She had a G&T class yesterday and is mad that the GT teacher only comes once a week
  • She stayed up until 10:30 and couldn’t get up this morning
  • Cleaned out the girls’ clothes and set aside a ton for donations.
  • Exercised. I will beat the depression

 

A normal day?

This morning started as a normal day. The girls were grumping and fighting. At one point, there was a blood chilling scream. I was brushing my teeth at the time and ran out in the hallway just in time to see Soleil chasing her sister down the hallway with a tube of toothpaste. Lovely. Then there was the "But she started it" By both of them. In Stereo!

The day was great as they were separated. Then before dinner, Luna teased Soleil, so Soleil refused to help clean up Luna’s room and then they went to jump rope outside and I hear more screams as Luna is hitting her sister with the jump rope. And when I go to stop her, she decides that the rope is not good enough, let’s attack her with the handles.

Oy! We explained how this is BAD M’kay? BAD IDEA that leads to STITCHES and BLOOD and HOSPITALS.

Is this normal between siblings? 

Afternoon clouds, sunny disposition

Okay- Maybe sunny is too strong of a word. I am doing better. My doctor suggested taking 2 anti-anxiety pills to help me get to sleep and lo-and-behold, it worked. For the first time in 2 weeks, I’ve been able to sleep. I hope this will start me to accept that Yes, I will sleep again and YES I will not have to use medicine all of the time.

I find it very odd that when I fall into the spiral of depression, the pain is so real and dark. I can actually physically feel a pressure of sadness in my chest. I noticed that I am holding my back up straighter this week and that I actually so of care if my clothes look okay. The oddest thing of all, however, is that the emotions from the last two weeks, the thoughts, the pain, the horror story that my mind wrote for me, are all faded as if the breaking sunlight is washing them out. I remember parts of it and I remember I was in pain, but to actually say it felt like…like what? My memory is but a shadow of the actual emotions.

I am doing much better. I am NOT out of the woods. I WILL be diagnosed as clinically depressed my entire life. I WILL have to fight these demons and try not to let it affect those I love, even though I know it will affect them.

A conversation last night:

Soleil: Mom? You look tired. Is that why you’re going to bed now?

Me: Yeah, it’s part of my brain sick.

Soleil: The brain sick that you take medicines for?

Me: Yep. Remember, when I take my medicines, it makes my brain happier and not so sad and angry.

Soleil: I like you happier.

Me: Me too, babe. But the medicines that help my brain work right is making me stay up all night.

Soleil: (sitting up eagerly) Can I stay up with you?

Me: No babe, YOU have school tomorrow. I love you.

Of course, she came in at 10:15 and watched 30 minutes of Jurassic Fight Club with us. It is rated TV14, so we made her leave to her bed before the actual fight. But she did ask me why it was called Jurassic Fight club if the dinosaurs on last night where from the late Cretaceous period. I told her it sounded better than Dino Fight Club.

Moving forward

 

On a side note: my book has suffered a serious set back. I couldn’t write at all during the MDE so I am trying to figure out when I can write again…. 

IF I have any readers left….

Well, HI There!

Yeah, if I haven’t depressed the crap out of you yet and you’re still reading, KUDOS to you!

Doing better, but I still can’t sleep.

Anyhooo….I am starting to get a bit concerned about the economy. I mean, we’ve already switched to using our Discover Card to buy gas the past two months because we were getting a 5% cash back on gas pruchases until Sept 30. And we were all over that since we go and get gift cards from the cash back and buy things that we pretend are free! Like Soleil’s backpack this year.  With the embroidery, the monogram of our last name, it cost us a grand total of ….ready? $3! From Lands’ End, no less! Since we have a Sears with Lands’ End near us, I can call in an order and there is no shipping. Add the gift card from Discover? $3!

But seriously there are some problems here. How many bailouts is the government going to do? My sister has worked at a large bank since she was 18.  This bank deals with mortgages. What if she loses her job? What do people who are barely making it by do? What if this is a cold winter? In the Northeast, oil heat is common. I remember when we were on oil heat, we were PISSED when our oil went to $1.50 a gallon. HA HA HA HA HA! It is now between $3.70-$4.20!!!!

So what to do? I wish I had some answers. Will the markets crash? Just Wall Street? Or the Global Markets?

I am glad I asked the Girl Scouts to bring a can of food for the town parade. We’re donating what we get to the food pantry in town. We need to do something, and this is a start!