We had a whirlwind weekend starting on Friday afternoon. We collected small children from various locations, grabbed the car that was packed for the weekend and headed north to the New Hampshire airport that Southwest flies out from. (there is a hope that Southwest may come to Boston!). We tried to eat dinner there, but the girls were too excited. They love planes and air travel. They don’t see that mom gets airsickness and is fricken’ terrified. Oh well. And the fact that Friday, the news came out about the crash in the Buffalo area was most likely pilot error. Somehow, that really bothers me that the pilot pulled the nose up when the plane started an aerodynamic stall instead of down. Even I know that is what will kill you and I don’t even LIKE flying!

We finally get on the plane, and we find 4 seats for us. Jay took the girls because I was not feeling well. They watched a Looney Tunes disk and had a ball.  I got a chance to read (finally started "The Golden Compass"). We finally got to BWI and the rental car. Then the fun began! The girls were up until almost midnight. They played with their cousins (ok, second cousins. I think. I can’t ever remember the first removed crap. These kids are the children of Jay’s cousin. close enough. We just say cousins, so if you’re going to get all technical on me? Yeah, I can find some choice words) Then we crashed around 1am. Jay was kind enough to try to let me sleep in, but the kids were playing and Soleil decided to hide in my room. Thanks! We managed to get dressed, girls bathed, and in the car by 11 to drive down to DC. All I could hear was "Are we going to see where Obama lives?" YES! but we are not going in…sigh. We visited the mall and the mothership (The Smithsonian Institution.) We saw at least 3 museums and when Soleil was acting like a 15 year old,(she even said "Yeah mom, Whatever" when I asked her not to throw crayons! calgon, take me away!). We finally took then over to air and space. Yeah- we stole our nephew, Eagle, because he is a better fit to our family than his own.  He loved the attention and doing what he wanted to do.

We kept Eagle for several hours and then met the family for dinner. We found out that Jay’s mom had a head injury last week and failed to tell any of us about since she was afraid we would yell at her to not come to DC (Hell woman, of course we are worried!) She had an emergency CT and was sent for further testing. They found an old bleed and some other damage that was old. Sigh.

Jay and I scooted out of dinner to meet our cousins for a comedy show. We saw Stephen Lynch. Check out our new favorite song. Just NOT WITH KIDS OR BOSSES AROUND. It helped that Soleil was being well, a 15 year old. It really helped me enjoy this song.

We had a huge family brunch with about 40 people on Sunday. Wow. We were all wiped out and made the kids go to bed by 9. Amazingly, they DID go to bed (two nights of staying up to midnight might do that.) We had to get up at 4am to get back to Boston. We made the early flight, got the kids happy and fed, back to our car, made it to Soleil’s school with 2 minutes to spare. Life is good.


Yeah, I know… I should not feel this way, but I am struggling with a simple code right now and it IS NOT WORKING!

So, I am jamming away to Bare Naked Ladies in attempts to solve my issues (because I have issues!)

Random Bullets:


  • Am I the only one who loves the Candian references in BNL songs? Like "Chesterfields" instead of sofas and "Hydrofield" instead of power plant (that may be because I grew up near Buffalo/Niagara Falls and never realized the rest of the country burns coal for energy), and "Chicklets" to refer to broken teeth?
  • I randomly quote songs and movies to my children. We pass a dress shop on the way home from daycare and when ever they have green dresses in the window, Jay and I scream "But not a real Green Dress. THAT’S CRUEL!"
  • I miss "Scarecrow and Mrs. King"
  • 4 year olds can be a real pain in the ass in the morning
  • But sometimes they are amazingly cool
  • I sometimes wish I had $1,000,000 just so I could take a year off of work. Or at least a month.
  • I love my job, but to lower my stress would be cool
  • Soleil loves violin, but she freezes if she has to perform for others
  • She has no sense of rhythm either.
  • Nor do I. That made marching in the High School Marching Band quite humorous.
  • Can I correct all of the grammatical errors above?
  • Do I care?
  • My nephew got into ITT. We’re all very excited for him. He will do well in the tech fields.
  • But a traditional college would kill his spirit.
  • Anyone perfect must be lying. (BNL)
  • It is going to rain soon
  • Things that I feel should be trivial aren’t
  • My book is in a frozen state. I think I am changing some of the main story in my head. I only have 15,000 words. Crap
  • I do wish that I could actually take a week to work on the book. Maybe I would get the first draft done.
  • There are too many things to do in my life time
  • And I don’t know how to do them all



I don’t understand why time moves so quickly. Between all of the activities for everybody, time gets lost.

We had such a packed weekend, that I forgot that Luna had a birthday party to attend. Crap. World’s Worst Mother. And the tears yesterday when we remembered? Broke my heart. I still feel like crap for it.

Both of my girls have now passed US Figure Skating Basic 2 level. Soleil is halfway through Level 3 and Luna is just starting Level 3. Amazing. I promised Soleil we will do hockey for her in the fall. She really wants to play. Luna wants to figure skate. Every time we have tried to set up a basic skills competition? Yeah, the teacher falls through on it. Luna is getting very sad. Sigh.

One of our neighbors is moving. They put a bid in this weekend and I was debating, is this good or bad. They have a daughter who is right between ours in age. But I get along with them (as in strongly tolerate, but not really friends). I suspect a family with kids would move in their house. So maybe this is good maybe this is bad. Our girls love to play with their daughter. They are in our temple. Luna ice skates with their daughter. We’ll have to wait and see.

Damn, my life is getting dull. Sigh


Death and dying… a continual phase of life.

Last night, Soleil climbed into bed with me and said "mom, I’m a little afraid"

"Afraid of what?"

"Of dying one day"

"hm, that’s hard. One day, we all die. That’s how it works. I hope it doesn’t happen for a very long time."

"I know that. It just makes me sad."

"What about dying makes you sad"

"I’ll miss Luna for those 2 years"

"What 2 years?"

"You know… the 2 years between us" (Her new phrase is "you know" when clearly I don’t)

"Honey, we don’t all live to the same age. Just because Luna is two years younger doesn’t mean you’re going to die two years before she does"

"Oh…I’ll still miss her"

" I know… I understand."

This talking about death and dying is a tough one. It gets scary for everybody and one day, we all have to face our own mortality.
I just wish someone had included a big manual on how to talk to your kid about death and dying. It’s like sex. A conversation that you have over and over and over.



I am having a pretty good day! Yesterday, I worked through something at work that has been hounding me for several weeks. This has been frustrating and I wanted to fix it. I was able to draw out the geometry of the spacecraft and get it working. Very very cool!

I’ve noticed that the whole Mom thing is taking a whole new direction as the girls get older. Yesterday, I signed BOTH girls up for the town’s after school program for the fall. I have all of Luna’s paperwork together, except her physical, for Kindergarten. I feel like we are less about bodily functions and more about emotional dramas, activities, and friendships. As Jay put it, we are getting out of babyhood. The milestones that you read about in the “what to expect when you’re programming a  brand new human being that you can’t understand because all they do is scream” books are done. The new milestones are more like cairns, you can find them along the path, but you hit them when you do, they are not always easy to see and sometimes, you’ll have to veer off the path to find them. I was watching Luna eat her breakfast today and for the first time, I could see cheek lines. Her cheeks have the most amazingly cute baby fat roundness. But today I could see that they are starting to thin out.  This is not one of the milestones you see in the books, but it is real: the day your pre-schooler starts to look like a kid. When you realize her motions are that of a kid, not a toddler. When you see that she is growing in length, not girth anymore. Her legs are stretching out, her arms are stretching. She is becoming a kid in body, emotions and soul. 

What are the new milestones of kids? So far, we’ve had the sleepovers, the friends saying I don’t want to be your friend anymore, the skinned knees, the first day of schools (except Luna), what else will we run into? Are they different for everyone? Do some kids pick up new milestones that others never see?  Oh the questions of parenting


I’ve unplugged myself the past few days. Actually, I’ve been fairly busy with life and I was enjoying the break from constant connectivity. On Thursday, I realized I was hitting a pretty big depression. Frick. I hate my monthly depression cycle. It affects Jay and the kids. Friday, I took off because we had several daytime activities. We had a teacher workshop day, so I knew I would never get any work done at home. I had lunch with a friend who was also taking off Friday and it was nice to try to just be. I did have a full evening, but then I tried to just relax on the weekend. It didn’t quite work with the depression.

I am in the middle of filling out kindergarten forms and Summer camp forms (most are already done) and all sorts of Things Which Grownups Must Do. I am not very happy that I do the grownup thing so much. Sigh.

Yesterday, Luna read "Hop on Pop " to me! She did really well! I was shocked and guilted because we don’t spend as much time helping her read as we did with Soleil. Sigh. 

We did show the girls the shuttle launch on Sunday. (for those non science geeks, that would be the space shuttle Discovery). They loved it. I had to explain why I suck air every time I hear  "go throttle up" (that was the last transmission to Challenger before it blew). I also had to explain MECO (pronounced mee-ko), the girls laughed when they heard Mission Control give Discovery the prepare for MECO command. We explained what is means (Main Engine Cut Off) and we watched it happen. It now is the catch phrase in our house. MECO!


Lunar Finds

I sometimes feel that I am not discussing Luna enough around here. She is an amazing kid. I am not sure how to explain her in words, but I will try.

She is very much like her father and I find it hard to relate to her the way I relate to Soleil. Soleil is so much more like me. Luna is a jokester first. She loves to be silly and play games with people. And when I say play games, I am not talking Princess Monopoly (although she is ruthless in that game),. I mean that she attacks you where you are weakest. She pokes and pokes at you and then laughs. This is something she does to everyone. I am her favorite victim, but I have given up letting her install my buttons. I am supposed to install hers. We have a joke between us, I tell her "I love you" everyday, at least twice. She then rolls her eyes and says "I KNOW" (like a teenager) and then we have fun with her being silly about it. I have promised to call her everyday when she grows up just to tell her that I love her. She says she won’t answer the phone. I then have promised to text her. She laughs.

She is growing very tall. She can wear some of Soleil’s current clothes. I got her a new dress in size 6 and it fits perfectly, she is only 4.75 years old. She complains every day that she wants to be in kindergarten and she is pretty peeved that she cannot go until September. She wants to go NOW.  As in fling her body to the floor NOW…Of course it just pisses her off when you point out that sort of behavior is not accepted in Kindergarten.

She is also and AMAZING ice skater. She is close to passing the Basic 2 level of the Ice Skating test. I think her test is next week, so we’ll find out then. I promised her that I would look for a new ice skating outfit. We got one for a $1 and she wears it every ice skating day. It’s cute, but getting tight. I looked at some stores and fell over! $200 for a kids’ skating dress! Man, she better be damn good at skating.

I can not express how much I love this child. She frustrates me to no end, but I cannot imagine anything else I would want in the world when she snuggles up to me at night.

Gray is the new black!

Ugh, rain and rain and more rain today. I need a nice sunny day. To be honest, I’ve been doing well on the depression front, but today does NOT feel like a good day. I am tired. Very tired. I had HORRIBLE nightmares last night (about a blogger, go figure) and then I woke up to a down mood. My co-leader for Girl Scouts is in disagreement with me over something for the girls and I don’t want to give in to her, but I see her points and the conflict is bothering me deep down.

I am planning on some exercise today. That should help. We also have an interfaith meeting at the temple tonight. I want to go because there have been more and more interfaith families coming to the temple and for a while, there was a push to convert the non-Jews. Sorry, that doesn’t fly well with me.

Last night was a long one. Soleil had a nightmare. About small pox. You see, a few weeks ago, I saw this very cool article about the flu virus and how all strains of the flu virus have a similar section of DNA. The group that was studying this wanted to find a way to destroy the virus by attacking that section, so it didn’t matter which strain of flu it was, it would protect us from the flu virus. Soleil was curious about this, so we talked about small pox. Jay got a vaccine for it, I didn’t. It is simply that I am 5 years younger and they no longer did the vaccine when I was born. Soleil is a nerdling (as is Luna) and she loves all things sciencey. She has been fascinated with viruses and microbes for a while. Last night, she was sobbing in her bed, afraid of someone breaking into the lab where small pox is kept and making the world sick with small pox. Then she wanted the scientists to stop work on the flu virus because someone might do that if we get rid of flu. Sigh…. It took a while to explain to her that small pox is well guarded and we know how to fight it. And then Jay gave her all sorts of examples of doomsday prophesies that just don’t come true! She finally relaxed enough and went to sleep.

Luna was a lunatic last night. Actually, all day. In the morning, she was pissed that Jay took Soleil to the bus stop and so she yelled at me and threw the couch cushions at me. Finally I threatened (in a beautifully calm mom voice) that I would carry her to the car with no shoes and seat belt her in if she wouldn’t cooperate. She screamed "But I am cooperating!" I asked if she knew what cooperating meant. She replied "NO! Wait I mean YES, but I won’t tell you what it means!" which roughly translated means "Up yours mom! I don’t know and I don’t care But I am doing it and I am 4 and I rule the world!" Sigh. Her night wasn’t much better, but I figure that isn’t so bad. She has a cold and I am terrified it will hit her ear. Again. Maybe I want it to so we can get tubes again. That really helped her when she was younger.

 BTW one of my favorite bloggers is hanging up the keyboard. Go say goodbye to Halcyon Mama

It’s gone

The time is here to celebrate! The DUMPSTER IS GONE! Hooray! 

We had a snow storm yesterday, an all day March snowstorm that gave us only about 5 inches. It was surprising since Saturday and Sunday provided enough melting that our dumpster was free of the ice that had snared it since mid-December. At 7 am, we heard the truck come and by 7:15, the dumpster was gone! Glory be! Let the birds sing and the animals frolic! it is SPRING! 

We are moving forward on Soleil’s issue. I am much better about this now. Sorry about the freak out. Mommy guilt.

On a VERY good front, I am wearing a pair of jean I haven’t worn in about 2 years! I’ve only lost 6ish pounds, but I think this is okay. I know my goal is still a bit away, but I am trying to go slow with it. If I can get back in my old jeans comfortably by June, I will be happy. The ones I am wearing today are okay, a little muffin topped, but I can easily bend and I could zip and button without sucking in! Now, to keep this going… That’s the hard part.

Better days

I am doing better. I just needed a day or two to process all that I heard and I that I knew and fight the little "bad mommy guilt" voices in my head.

This has been a long weekend. We offered to take my friends’ daughter for the afternoon/evening. This week they’ve had, 1 brother go to the hospital for an MRI for a really bad headache (okay after a 10 hour stay), the husband may have some medical issue, then work hit the fan and finally, her brother had a heart attack. We thought they could take a break, so we offered to take their daughter for the evening. We had pizza, we started a sugar rock candy and finally two movie halves. It was a great night.

Today was crazy. I always hate the spring forward day. I am tired now even though it is 9:25pm yesterday. Weird. I know I had the Girl Scouts today and it was long and busy and crazy. 4 hours with the girls. Wow.

Calming them back down was hard, but we did it. Life is slowly returning to normal.