In a moment that would make Herb Urban proud, I took Luna to the Dollar Store Monday. It was one of those great days where everything seems relaxed and we got everything done that was needed, so we went over to check out the Dollar Store.
As we went to walk in, a elderly gentleman stopped us. I noticed his American flag pin and the Purple Heart pin under it. I noticed that he had one tooth. and halitosis. It reminded me of North Carolina (jk).
He told us of the wonders of the Dollar Store. He spoke of the glorious toys and food items we could purchase. Then he told us the most amazing news of all; it only cost $1 per item! I was shocked and awed by this. (NOT!)
Then the wacko in him came out. He leaned close to Luna, who quickly grabbed my hand. He said "I know you are a good Christian like me…" Luna scrunched up her eyes with a look of WTF? and said "No, I’m Jewish. Mom was a Christian, but she’s not anything now". The Little Old Man (LOM) blinked and said "eh?" in the way that only the elderly can. Luna sighed, as she rarely suffers fools and repeated it louder, "I’m JEWISH, NOT CHRISTIAN". Well, LOM just smiled and said "That’s okay because Jesus loves the Jews and Muslims too. As long as you believe in G-d, Jesus loves you" (Gee thanks! I guess I can cross Jesus off my Christmas card list now…oh wait…is that a Birthday card list?) Luna squeezed my hand a bit tighter then. He then pulled out a special card. It had been blessed by a priest. It was a card with Jesus, a glowing heart on his chest, the little glowing halo (What is up with the Halo thing? Seriously, if you get it, please explain it) and the stigmata! Yes, I want my child staring at Jesus’ bloody palms. LOM then held out the card for Luna, and explained that it would protect her if she put it in her room. Jesus would watch her in her sleep if she put it there. (Should I place it right next to the Mezuzah on her door jam?) She looked at the card like it was covered in the swine influenza virus. She gripped even tighter. I took the card and told her that I would hold it for her.
LOM then went into a long speech about his late wife and his children and how Jesus saved them. I was finally able to break free and get us in the store. I leaned down to Luna and whispered in her ear "we’ll talk about this later".
I can understand this LOM was lonely. He had lost his wife. He had lost his teeth. But dude, when a small child clearly states she is Jewish, let’s not toss Jesus in her face, m’kay? Let’s leave it alone. I let him go on for a bit because I could tell he was lonely. I knew I could talk to Luna about this and she got it that he was weird and lonely. But seriously.
And yes, we bought 4 things at the Dollar Store for $4.20.