I am currently reading a book called "Odd Girl Out". It’s about a woman who decided to explore why girls are so aggressive towards each other. What she has learned is that where boys will beat on each other and move on, girls have learned to be less forward and will use emotional daggers instead of physical blows. The girls can suffer from the emotional scars of these relationships more than people think. The author explains this is a form of bullying, but school administrators often consider it to be "girls being girls".
This book reminds me alot of my childhood. Friends who would say they were not your friends, girls suddenly ignore you and you don’t know why. The cliques are bad enough, but when your own friends are mean, you don’t know what to do.
I wish there was a way to get away from this for my girls, but I see no way around it. I see this in women, not so much in men. The women I work with can be petty, unkind and very hard to deal with in general. A snub to their team is a snub to them. I find this odd. Shouldn’t an issue between two people be between two people?
I can’t really stop this from happening, but I can see that my girls are going to have to experience this and live on…I can only hope I can talk them through this.
I read that book a few years ago… very interesting stuff. The movie “Mean Girls” (with Lindsey Lohan no less) actually was developed from some of that research.
I have used some material from that book for some groups.
I work with adolescent juvenile offenders, and our female population is really challenging.
I agree that it does continue into adulthood. Being a woman is no picnic
You know how to stop it? Have them hang around boys as much as they can.
I know this sounds sexist (and I’m a girl), but girls can be really petty and clueless and most girls grow up into petty and clueless women.
For me, I’ve gained an incredible perspective from hanging around boys and men, than I never would have if I ever hung around women.
Fortunately for my girls, they hang around boys at home. It’s absolutely wonderful to know they are not being influenced to be petty and clueless by other girls.
Yup, guys do say, “You suck.” and then move on.
It’s not as severe for all girls. There are very sweet girls out there who hardly go through this at all. Talking about the friends they choose and how to be a good friend (including the skill of communication) will hopefully help. I’ve taught middle school (all three grades) for 10 years now, and I’m fearful for what my own daughter will go through, but seeing the girls who aren’t mean and the ones who really do try to talk through issues give me hope.
We can just choose their friends for them, right?