An Open Letter to Jerry Remy* October 2, 2009
Posted by spacemom in : Depression , add a commentDear RemDawg,
I was at the Red Sox game last night. I was actually there to watch the Cleveland Indians with my husband, but as you saw, the Indians suck and the Red Sox are getting ready for the playoffs. We both knew who would win. We left Fenway by the stairs at Gate A, you know those stairs, at the intersection of Yawkey Way and Brookline Ave? A large, black SUV was approaching the temporary gates coming from Yawkey Way. Th policeman let us cross, then he moved the gate. I didn’t expect it, but I looked over and saw you driving the SUV. I lifted my hand in a wave and you repeated my actions. Not a big "hiya" wave, but a simple hand raise. What got me were your eyes.
Jerry, I have seen that look before. That one were you look like a deer caught in the headlights, but you are too exhausted to care about the oncoming car. You see, I too have depression. I also have days I can’t get out of bed. I am so overwelmed that you came out to the public to announce this as the reason for your prolonged absence. I am thrilled that you have the energy to come out to Fenway and announce for the home games. No, you are not back to the days when you and Don Orsillo would have the "Inane Banter Warning" flashing on the screen, but you are making it out to the ball park and that is a huge step.
Your eyes told me last night just how hard this is for you. You put on a public persona for the game, and then go back home with that hole in your chest and heart and wonder why anyone would care about you. You wonder what the point of anything is. You want to hide in your own world and not have to think because simply being in existence can be too painful.
I just want you to know that last night, I saw the real Remy. And I know that look. And I can tell you that there will be better days. There will also be bad days, and days where you hide away or weeks even. But you will be able to travel with the team again, you will be able to relax again and the hole will get smaller.
You are not alone.
Spacemom
