Last night, I was snuggling up with Jay in bed. The afternoon had been a whirlwind where I had picked him up from the airport, finally arranged our travel for the High Energy Astrophysics Meeting in March, and picked up the girls from Temple school. We even had dinner at a friend’s house and discussed the finer art of politely refusing food. He suddenly asked "What are you thinking? I can’t get a read from you."

We often can read each others moods and thoughts. It is a funny thing that started when we were dating. Now it just is. I’ve gotten so used to it that we will often say the exact same thing with the same timing and tone to the kids. I have to say I didn’t have an answer to his question, so I didn’t say anything. Instead, I thought, "what AM I thinking about?" He then asked if I was just decompressing from the week, or if there was something more upsetting me or what? (Luna was sick Monday night, I kept her home from school Tuesday and then Soleil got sick at the after school program on Tuesday… it was a long week). I decided I must be decompressing, because the week was stressful even though I didn’t feel that bad except for Tuesday.  IT really was a milestone trip. Luna didn’t ask for Dad once, unless you count her daily "Dad? I mean Mom?" No major meltdowns except for the point when Luna was loosing it because she was puking her guts out. And Soleil, being the wonderful sister that she is was yelling "ew, Mom! That’s gross! Make her stop!" Duh, if I could make her stop puking, I would, trust me.

Okay- Let’s get back on track here. After thinking a bit more, I finally stated that I must be decompressing. I really couldn’t think of any big issues for me. I was really tired, I don’t sleep well when Jay is gone. Then it hit me. I don’t really know me right now. Seriously. Right now life is a bunch of Girl Scout things, taking care of kids, getting schedules organized, etc. Not much me time.  Recently, a former blogger invited all of her facebook friends to come to her birthday party in a city that is close enough that I can drive to if I leave early enough. And I said yes. I don’t have clothes for such an event, so I am making a new little black dress. This is the highlight of my life… Sad isn’t it? Even sadder that I haven’t even had a chance to CUT OUT THE DRESS? I did, however, wash and dry the fabric, so kudos to me for that.

I sometimes wonder where Nance went in here. She got lost earlier this year. Somewhere with the work stresses and the depression and the hyperthyroidism back to hypothyroidism, the trip to Rio and everything else… I lost her. I need to find her. So part of that is blogging again. And reading blogs again. I will do my best.

And maybe I can even find myself out there.

*Drops of Jupiter by Train