Feels just like I’m falling for the first time *

So, let’s talk about feeling like a failure at parenting. First, the disclaimers. No, I am not a failure. Yes, we all have days where we feel like failures. No, this doesn’t mean that we are all creating a master race of self-centered crazy children…

I think, in general, Dr. Jay and I are good at this parenting thing. We’ve tried to create realistic expectations for the kids. We’ve tried to create a balance between responsibilities and fun time. We make sure they get things done, and let them be kids.

However, there are times, like this morning, I feel like I have created a spoiled brat. Luna is, well, stubborn. I can’t imagine where she got it from. (looking away and whistling). When she gets frustrated, she grunts and screams. And I mean SCREAMS. Like holy hell has broken loose and the hounds are about to be released on the next high pitch she makes. This morning? The kitchen island stool she wanted was stuck. So, she yanked at it while grunting. Both Jay and I were right there. All she had to do was ask for help. No, instead she got more and more frustrated. We both lost it. We both yelled (go us! NOT) and she started sobbing for us yelling.

Shining parenting moment there, eh?

The truth is, she’s been staying up too late because she screams at bedtime. I wish it were as simple as putting her in her room, shutting the door and walking away. It doesn’t work. We’ve tried. Trust me. This has got to stop. I just don’t know how.

We’ve tried a new reward routine. That worked until she got enough for her reward.

We’ve tried natural and artificial consequences. The natural leave EVERYBODY in the house pissed. The artificial leave one child sobbing and throwing up and the other with an upset stomach from the screaming.

I just don’t know what to do. I know she is only 6.5 years old, but MAN, shouldn’t she be doing better at this????


Any misery that you would like to share?

* barenaked ladies

Sunny and…warm?

What is up with the weather? It’s over 70 and sunny here in Boston in late October. WTF? At least I can enjoy my iced Coffee!

Dr. Jay’s MRI came back. It is clean. No tumors, no cysts, no bleeding in the brain. Just his old fractured orbit (a whole other story). We do wonder if his brain was in there. So, the verdict is Meneire’s Disease. Not great, but could be SO SO SO Much worse.

I’ve been very busy and working on not stressing. Three days into the less stress, and I think parts are working. I am blogging, so that has to be evidence, right? We have a busy weekend coming up. Hopefully, it will not be too crazy. The new room is moving slowly because we are still waiting for the last window. Nothing else, but the concrete floor for the storage area and the deck can be completed until the last window is in. Sigh… Thursday is the current ETA.

Mostly, I’ve been looking at the good side of life. The good things we have. How our girls are mostly healthy. They are happy and intelligent. They have a sense of humor along with the seriousness, and except for streaks of stubborness, they are really great kids. I have an awesome husband. He’s the best you can get! He works with me, we partner on so much… While I am not thrilled with my current supervisory position, I am learning to let it go, because I like the work I do. Life is good.

I have also been busy with my allergy shots, now that we’ve added bees/hornets to the mix, but I am not terribly happy about this, so let’s save it for another day.

Halloween Party tonight. Gotta run!


Go with the flow

Trying something different today, I am just going to write what comes to my fingers. Humor me…

Listening to Blues Traveler on Pandora. I love Pandora. I hear just what I want to. Except they often play the Beatles, and I have little love for the Beatles. Nor do I love spiders. With the addition still being open to the great outdoors, we are getting the creepies coming into to our lower level. We still have our sliding glass door in place upstairs, but a single blue tarp separates the new room from downstairs. The windows will arrive tomorrow, sans my window seat.

Yes, I am claiming the window seat as mine. I have always loved window seats. They just allow you to curl up and hide from the rest of the world. That is what I need sometimes. To hide from the world.

I have thought about the job situation. I love what I do. I just am not dealing with my boss. I have started to say "Manny being Manny". It’s the only way to deal. I can’t imagine dealing any other way with this personality clash. As my girls grow, I see more and more importance of being with them, and the more and more he focuses on his job and in turn, those under him. I may wait until June, but then I might start look at another science lab that is within biking distance to my house. I looked this month and they had a job analyzing weather patterns. To me that seemed awesome. I love what I do, but…Maybe someone else will have jobs if I can wait. Dr. Jay and a friend are working on a new mission proposal. I could hang around for that. You never know.

Or maybe I can write my Great American Novel. I have a new idea. I have 3 paragraphs. I haven’t a clue about the main character’s mental condition except how it can play into her personal relationships and her job. That’s what research is for. Maybe if I start it now, I can do the 1500 words a day for the National Write a Novel Month. Then I could publish and makes tons of money, retire and do all of those things I want to, but need the money.

In truth, money is a funny thing. We probably could live in Dr. Jay’s salary alone, but I am not ready for that. I am too damn independent to have a single salary in the family. Granted, we already have his salary greater than mine, by a bit, but…. you know? That damn feminism.

Oooh! If I had a $1,000,000!

Want to go listen to this song!

Well, that was fun!

It’s been a terribly long week.

Luna’s been fevering

Dr. Jay has been feeling ill.

Last night, Jay had a horrible vertigo attack. The current thought is: Meniere’s disease, however, we need to have an MRI done on tuesday to rule out the "scary" things. Not going there. Okay? I am not going there.

I have to get through until Sunday… We have a Girl Scout event on Sunday that I have been helping organize. Worried that it will totally suck.

Okay- focus on the good things. Focus on the good things.

The art of being Nance

The panic attacks have started again. I know why. I don’t know how to stop them.

Someone said an offhand comment that cut to the fiber of my being. I won’t go into details here, but yeah, I’m pissed. And it set me into small panics about life. I need to stop these.

I understand why I am uncomfortable at work. It is personal, and not professional. I need to just ignore the words of someone that I feel that I want to impress. I have considered other jobs, but I am not ready to make that jump yet…

I am feeling good about parenting as of late. Luna is working on her screaming. Our system of giving a check mark for no screaming and a second check mark for good behavior has been helping. I think a Halloween party for her is on the horizon! Soleil has been working on several things, and she is comfortable discussing the tough stuff with us. For example, she was goofing at school and got in trouble. She needed to get it out because it was bothering her. She told us, we asked if she felt she was treated unfairly, she said no and we said, good. It’s done. Don’t do it again. And that was that.

On the health front, it has been tricky. I need to exercise more. I like the T-Tapp because it is definitely calming the depression, but right now, I haven’t been able to fit it in my life. I need to get it back in( I have been doing the shorter one more often, but I really want to get the long one in. Maybe I should focus on doing the 15 minute one every other day for a few weeks then moving in the longer one when I can)

On the house front, we are stalled. We are awaiting the windows. This means that our house is damned cold because we can’t get the insulation in until the windows and siding are up (town regs). The addition is open to the outdoors, and then opens to our house. We are getting into the 50s downstairs and low 60s upstairs in the morning. Brrrrr. So we haven’t bothered to turn on the heat so we don’t waste the energy. The windows should arrive by the 20th, although the largest window may not make it until a week later. Don’t get me started on what is causing the delay…NONE of these windows are custom sized. They are all stock sizes from pella.


Blog reading? HA HA HA HA! I barely get time to write in my own blog, not to mention reading everyone else’s. It will pass. I will find time.

Girl Scouts? Yeah- right now that is taking a lot of energy. More later on that.

It’s hard being yourself. Stick to it.

Parenting…not for the weak hearted

The popular radio station in the Boston area is Kiss 108. The kids "ALL" listen to it and one bus driver leaves it on the radio. Jay and I also listen in the morning, but mostly for the morning host. I also like to know what music the kids are listening to, so that does help.

The newest hit that I get stuck in my head is Eminem’s Love the way you lie.  If you are unfamiliar with the song, go, click on that link. READ those lyrics. Note that the female singer is Rihanna. Yes, the same woman who was beaten up by her boyfriend and polls at the time showed 1 OUT OF 5 thought it was OK to slap wives or girl friends. Yes, 20% of the people polled thought domestic violence was okay.

I decided to make this one of those moments which made me feel icky, but had to be dealt with. I asked my girls what that song was about when they started singing Rihanna’s part. Luna piped up with "A boy who is mean to his girl friend". Damn, perceptive little one. Soleil wasn’t sure cause "she likes the way it hurts" so is it okay?

We talked about how this,unfortunately happens when a person hurts a person they love on purpose. We talked about how it is never ok to hit someone you love. We talked about how in Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief, Percy’s mom is in an abusive relationship to protect Percy (her husband is so horrible that his stench prevents the gods from finding Percy).

We talked about how it usually is a boy hurting a girl, but sometimes, the girl will hurt the boy. That when police are called, most states require SOMEONE to be taken away because many times the hurt person is afraid to say something. That they still love the other person.

It was a tough discussion. I am glad neither of them realized that the last lyrics involve burning his lover to death. I don’t think I could go into that.

I don’t LIKE the lyrics. The song is haunting. I can’t tell if it is to bring out the notion that domestic violence is an issue or to try to explain how it happens or if some kids will think this is the norm. It is the last idea that bothers me.