I am trying hard to get back to the posting on a regular basis thing. It’s hard.

After being all out of sorts last week, I am feeling better. I did 2 runs this weekend. One was a 2 mile run! Woot! I have these two wild and crazy friends who are running a half marathon at Disney in Feb. I am debating joining them. There’s a 5 K in town on Thanksgiving, so I am going to try that.

As for the health issue? WHO THE FUCK KNOWS? Even before the anaphylaxis, I was starting to breath better. Since being pumped full of steroids? Yeah, I’m fine. Go figure. I see a pulmonary specialist in December.

Unfortunately, my attempt to lose 10lbs in 10 weeks will fail since the first 3 weeks I was immediately covered under health issues. Crap. I will keep working on it!

Sigh…. Yeah, this isn’t the best post, but let me work back up to posting.

If you haven’t heard about the Penn State sexual abuse case yet, you either live in rural Connecticut where they are still trying to get power back or you are in a media free zone. Go Google it if you haven’t heard.

Now that we are all on the same page, I need to share my disgust. 

1. Dear Penn State: Why? Why did you not fire this guy back when the first allegation was made? Or at least stopped him from being with kids? You knew in 1998 that he was, at best, showering with boys on campus and at worst, having anal sex with boys on campus. What parts of this did you think would end by telling him to not shower with kids?
2. Dear Mike McQueary: Really? at 28 you didn’t have the balls to do the right thing? Instead of calling the police, you chose to cover your own ass and tell Joe Pa. You should have stepped into the showers and stopped him. Taken the kid to the hospital. Gotten him help. Yet you waited. Many other kids suffered because of this. I am sorry you have to live with this decision the rest of your life.
3. Jerry Sandusky: Go rot in jail. I don’t care if you are hetero or homo sexual. YOU DON’T BRING YOUR SEX TO KIDS! PERIOD! I hope you believe in a god so you can suffer the rest of your life for what you did to kids.
4. Dear Penn State Student who rioted: How can you really act this way over football? FOOTBALL? Kids have been destroyed. And you turn it into a riot over football? Get over yourselves. I feel like an old bitchy lady, but seriously, BUCK UP and understand what your lovely university has done.
5. NCCA: Wow. You will take away championships for teams where players sell their stuff, but when a true crime is committed you say "Not Football". Shame on you. Shame.

To be honest, the worst part of this entire scandal is that the culture of sports took over the moral and civil obligation to take care of those in our society who can’t take care of themselves. As long as there are people who think there was nothing done wrong on Joe Paterno’s part, we have failed. He should have done more. He has a son. What if it was his kid.?
Why is there a defense of "He only knew about one"? Isn’t one child rape enough?

This is the article every single Penn State student who rioted should read. And then they might understand why we are disgusted.

I am neither out the door, nor completely at work right now. I haven’t got a new place to go. I am not ready to give up my salary, nor my contact with adults, but I am barely holding it together at work. I don’t feel right here anymore.

I can’t give too many details in a public post, but let’s just say burn-out can apply across the board. I need to get out of this position. I am planning to hawk the new RBT in January and that both feels really far away and really close.

We had a dinner party, surprise birthday party for Crazy H on Saturday. Wow. I didn’t know anyone at the party. It was as if she traded all of her friends in for new ones. That was very odd to me and kind of sad. A few years ago, she set a few bridges on fire. I was never clear if she actually burnt them, or saved them, but judging from the people at the dinner, I would say she burnt several. The bridge with me is damaged, but I am just careful not to go out too far. We decided to offer a Thanksgiving dinner as neither of us have family in the area and we don’t get the time off for travel. I hope that will be a nice day.

I started running this weekend. I hope to get out tonight and do more. My shins hurt like mad and my trainer explained what I was doing wrong. Now I need to fix it. I am getting together with my friends in Florida in Feb. Two are running the Disney half marathon and I have said I might do it to. So I am going to go from not running, to a 5K on Thanksgiving to a 13.1 miles in Feb. Um, sure?

I am still a medical enigma. After the anaphylaxis, I have no more breathing troubles. This is odd and crazy. I have pulmonary appointments in December and clotting appointments this week.

So, I wait in my funny place. Life is…what it is

Please forgive my radio silence. October was a crazy month and it has just flown right into November. My bullet style will be more like paragraph style, so again, please forgive me, oh FUCK IT, it’s my blog, I can update when I can.

• Health: Has been poor. I noticed 3-4 weeks ago that I was having some trouble breathing when I was exercising. I made a note of that and that my right leg had been sore. A week later, I was on the phone while walking the dog and sucking wind. That is not right. So I told Dr. Jay and he suggested that I go get a check up. My mom has a clotting disorder and she has had two pulmonary embolisms(PE). Yeah, let’s not do that. I went and saw a PA who ended up sending me to the ER to get checked for PE. At the time, it was frustrating and funny. The medical shorthand for shortness of breath is SOB and I found it hysterical that I was an SOB. The hospital’s blood test for clotting came back negative, so they sent me home despite my clear lack of air.  The next day, I set up a new primary care doctor and had a new appointment. Turns out the clotting test at the doctor’s office was positive, negative at the hospital and then positive again. Sigh At this point, I have had chest pains (more pulmonary rather than cardiac), an appointment with a hematologist (and a future appointment for a platelet study), a CT chest scan with contrast dye to rule out PE (yes! I was clear, so I am not going to die today), and I have 2 more appointments set up. Of course, I am allergic to contrast dye, so we did pre-emptive steroids. Doesn’t matter, I still went into anaphylatic shock. They called Dr. Jay and refused to tell him what was wrong except that they had to call code blue (thanks…), so he was terrified that I was dying from clotting. No, just a massive poison we put directly in my bloodstream. Sigh. To recap: no PE, still having trouble breathing and now totally wiped out from systemic anaphylatic shock.
• Job: Yeah, October sucked because I had a bad job review. Quote from my supervisor "Mistakes can’t happen". At this point? Yeah, mistakes must happen. I am still looking for a new position and continuing on the RBT. I need to confirm that I can go to the January meeting in Austin. I haven’t registered yet.
• Kids: Good and bad. We’ve had homework hell with Soleil and Luna tells us nothing about her school. Very frustrating. The sleep test came back that Luna has no sleep issues, so we are back to square one. This totally sucks because we don’t know what makes her brain tick. Why can’t she hear us sometimes? Does she have attention issues? Why is reading so hard for a kid who can do math like mad? I don’t know. Soleil was just at the doctor yesterday. We are starting testing for irritable bowel syndrome. Yes, my 9 year old may have IBS. Frick. Poor kiddo. We are looking into Celiac disease and a few other autoimmune issues as well.
• Life: I am worn down. We just spent from Saturday night until this morning without power. We have to clean out the entire freezer and fridge. We’ve already called insurance so we can get a cheque to cover the food loss. Luna started skating lessons 2X a week, so we hired an after school sitter. It was a rather quick and half-assed method of hiring, but I think we have the right person. She gets to be with the girls with POWER today! That should be fun.
• Writing: I will write more this month. I promise. But I need to figure out what is wrong with me. Why I am sick and how to get some sleep. Sigh.