Do you remember those long summer days when you spent all of your time outside? I would traipse through the woods with my friend Amy and we would come up with tons of things to do. We were pre-teens and having fun with life. The whole world was ahead of us and we knew what we would do when we grew up. I would become a world famous astronomer. She was going to be a marine biologist. We would be friends forever and live the good life.

I will admit that the summer days are not as long in New England as they were in Western New York. The woods have a very different feel here than where I grew up. I used to know what my life would be, but now that I am 40, I don’t know any more.

I never really knew what the life of a scientist meant. I never knew how hard this field could be. I never realized how slanted it is against women. I never realized that most men question their own abilities in the sciences too. I didn’t know that money to pay for the field comes from taxpayers who like the pretty pictures and amazing news articles. They like watching Brian Cox and Phil Plait and Neil DeGrasse Tyson, but they don’t like to spend money on science. Let’s do other things first.

As I approach mid-life (at least I am planning on living 90), I realize I am less sure of what I am going to do than I ever was. I am in the process of starting something new. I am trying to raise 2 strong girls, yet I read a story today that showed 100 women with and without their makeup and how “horrible” they looked. How do we accomplish all of these things?

I have mentioned on facebook, but not here, that I am preparing for a half-marathon. After all of my health issues in October, I am doing this. I am up to 7.2 miles. I need to get to 13.1 miles. That’s still pretty far. I know I might not complete the race, but I want to try. I am getting to a point where I understand that it is okay to fail. Really, truly, okay to fail. The fact that I can run for almost 2 hours straight is a huge statement.

What do I want to be when I grow up? I don’t know. I’ll let you know when I get there.