The one about shit hitting the fan at work.

Yes, I am swearing. Shut up, my blog.

Okay, I have finally hit that magical point where shit hits the fan. I am in the process of arranging a 6 week medical leave for stress. Before you say “what bullshit, we’re all stressed”, let me explain.
Oh hell, too long, let me bullet point

  1. thyroid out of wack
  2. heartrate high
  3. breathing issues
  4. lack of sleep
  5. tremors and stomach pains on days I come into the office
  6. nightmares the weekend before I go on call

Basically, I have had three different doctors suggest that my physical issues are stress related. They may be. I finally hit a low point last week. I don’t even know what straw landed on the metaphorical camel’s back, but I realized I needed out.

I find my shoulders tense on the ride into work. By the time I sit at my desk, my stomach is in knots. I can’t stand the bull from my officemate. Last week, he couldn’t figure out why we couldn’t get email from account A when the mail server was out. I wanted to slam my head into a wall.

I have arranged an appointment to talk to an independent person to discuss my work situation. I can’t go into all of the detail, but I must say that since my former teammate left, our team has been dysfunctional, painful and stressful. There is no more fun in work.

I am working with my RN for depression. I need her to sign the paperwork so I can take 6 weeks off on medical leave. I will work through these issues with a new person. I need to find out what the right answer for me is. I need to step back. I need a breather, for I am burnt.

And this is fucking scary to do.

* And before you ask, no, there are no internal jobs to transfer to. Yes, I am looking for new jobs, no I am not qualified for some and yes, I am getting depressed about that.

8 thoughts on “The one about shit hitting the fan at work.

  1. Wish I had some answers for you! I’m sorry that things are piling on you the way that they are.

    Stress at work sucks – it’s as simple as that. And if there really isn’t any light at the end of the tunnel at the job, then you have to make your own light. I have been in a similar situation, but I knew that the person who was making my life hell would eventually find her way out of here & on to make someone else miserable, which she eventually did. Sounds like you don’t have that same event to look forward to. 🙁

    Leaving the job is definitely scary – even if it is just for a medical leave. But your overall health has to come first. Hopefully the RN will finish the paperwork and you can take a few steps back and concentrate on you! Perhaps things will somehow fall into line better in the interim.

    I’m also keeping my fingers crossed that some of the medical things will be easier to work with if some of the stress is lifted. I don’t envy you any of what you are going through, but I also know that sometimes the break is just needed, and if you have the opportunity to take it, then take it & make it worth it.

    Hugs …. JC

    • Thanks. I figure the reason I am so slow at running is the heartrate. The stupid thyroid…
      I have an appt with the RN on Thursday, so let’s hope we do the paperwork and be done for now…

  2. I’m sorry you are going through this.

    It takes a lot of courage to face yourself and admit that things aren’t working for you and to make a life-changing decision. This is one of those “put the face mask on you before your children” moments. You have to take care of yourself first & that goes against what many people want us to do. Don’t feel guilty.

    I hope you are able to sleep like the wind during your leave.

    • Thanks. It’s several little straws that have built up. I am keeping everything lined up so this will work, but I am still terrified. What if I need to quit? What if I find that being home is perfect and helps me? What if I feel WORSE?

      Sigh…

  3. I think you are making a wise decision. You have to take care of yourself first. I think you are on to something with the health issues corellating with stress.

    Do you like yoga at all? Yoko teaches a great power yoga class Tuesday/Thursday mornings. Maybe try it out while you are on leave. Bonnie Mc teaches yoga too but her class is more gentle/stretching. I need to get back to a more consistent yoga practice myself.

    • The Yoga is a great idea, Hillary. I haven’t had a chance to stop and think about WHAT I am going to do, other than meet with a specialist to stop and talk about what is getting me at work.

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