The Silence

Sometimes, I find myself so busy that I forget what is important to me. There’s the old saying, “Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my sanity the most.” For me? I miss silence.

I love silence. Sometimes the silence is to much and I want noise, but right now, I am finding that I crave silence. With two kids in the middle of childhood, I feel I am the chauffeur of life. I spend about 2 hours a day driving kids places, usually ice rinks. We talk. I love this time because it is usually one on one time and I get to talk to the girls about everything. I listen to Pokemon ideas, I listen to problems with friends and crushes on boys. I hear about their problems and their joys.

But I rarely get silence. I took Monday off of work because Luna had a doctor appointment downtown. I walked the dog. I did some needlework. I gardened. I was in silence. It was glorious. I need the quiet more than I think I do.

I am finding that I also need to write. This helps to express my stresses and my fears. So I am going to try to do more, but it is difficult. Does anyone care what I say?

Running:
I started running a few years ago. I am still doing it. I am SLOW. I plod along, but I am slowly getting faster. I have signed up for 2 1/2 marathons (that’s 13.1 miles). One is in October and the other is in November. I also, foolishly, signed up to do the Challenge for the November one. That means Saturday, I run 10K, and the next day, 13.1 miles (21K). HA HA HA *flump*. But I get quiet if I don’t use my headphones. I might not for my next run. I have a relay 1/2 marathon in 2 weeks. I am doing the 7.25 mile (12K) leg. I did a training run this weekend that was slower than I wanted, mostly because my pace watch wasn’t working. I want to do this with an average pace of 12:30. I did it with an average pace of 12:54 (min/mile). The thing is, I really want to break the 3 hour mark for my next 1/2 marathon. My fastest time is 3:03:39. That’s close to a total pace of 14 min/miles. I know I can do this, but I really need to work it.

Why do I push so hard? I’m not sure. There’s a drive that is really making me want to move this. I am not sure why, but it’s there. I will NEVER EVER win a race. Just finishing is a win for me. Here I am, 44 years old, overweight, short, and running 1/2 marathons. All I can do is work on being faster.

So, I will work on it. And enjoy the silence.

technically

I am not supposed to write blog posts at work. It’s the nature of the work. What can I say?

I want to get back to writing. This is not easy as life has gotten crazier and crazier.

Soleil is 12 going on 13. She’s playing hockey more ferociously than we ever expected. She made a local girls’ elite hockey team for their minor team. We are all very excited.

Luna is 10 going on 11. She’s still skating. She just passed her Preliminary level moves in the field (edge skating test) and is working on a routine for the free skate test. What these means is that she needs to start landing her Axel and her doubles to start competing at a higher level.

I’m working on finding the right balance in life. Switching jobs has created something I never expected: A weekend. I can’t check email or phones for work stuff. This is awesome. I’ve been taking back my weekend and slowly being me again. Some of the break from writing was exactly for this. To be me.

I’ve continued to struggle with thyroid issues. I am not sure that will ever change.
I am filled with rage from the racial injustice we see in America.

We will move forward.

Anyway, I’m back. Rule #1: write a post a week.
xoxo
Nance