Category Archives: Mom Phrases

I am really hating May and June this year.

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I remember the good old days, when I had two kids in daycare and dreamed about them going to school. What a fool I was!

I have so many things to deal with this month and next:

  • Luna has an ice skating competition mid-June. She now has to learn her routine with 3 extra lessons. Two of these lessons mean I am taking her away from school for 1 hour. I feel terrible about pulling her from school, but then I figure there are only 16 days left.. She’ll be fine, right? Right? (here’s where you tell me she’ll be FINE)
  • Soleil has her violin recital the first weekend of June. She is missing her next lesson because of Memorial Day. So we’ve rescheduled a lesson for next Wed. I’ll have to figure out my work schedule for that day.
  • We had our big Girl Scout encampment this month. And Luna’s troop had a Butterfly garden event.
  • Birthday parties. Luna’s is coming up. She ends school right before her birthday. And we have 4 parties that we either have gone to or will be going to before school ends.
  • Ice skating for Luna continues until June 21. Hockey clinic for Soleil continues until June 13, Soccer for both ends June 12, violin ends June 7(I hope) and piano somewhere around June 19.
  • The Pan Mass Challenge bike ride for kids is June 19.
  • We have tickets to a Red Sox game and Jimmy Buffet! The same week! Gah!
  • Teaching my kids that the phrase "What the heck!?" is only acceptable if little green aliens land in our yard and not acceptable to say when you are told it is dinner time.
  • Finally, the week school ends, we are cruising off to NC to visit my parents and to celebrate Luna’s 6th birthday. We need a little time away…

 

Coming soon…How to lose oneself while living the life you dreamed or "Now what?"

Square Peg- Round Hole

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As children we are encouraged to march to our own drummer. Be different! Don’t follow the herd! Be unique! Don’t be like everybody else.
As parents, we encourage our children to think outside of the box. In the case of Soleil, the box is in and entirely different room, but still, we encourage individuality in our children.

But…are people okay with being individuals?
Okay, Nance (you are saying in your head). What the hell are you talking about?

I am very unique. I am not the average person.
I am a woman who loves sports.
I don’t wear high heels and skirts much
I am not a good girly girl
I work in astronomy, but I don’t have a PhD or just a Bachelor’s degree, I have a Master’s Degree which has long been considered a failure of a PhD. (Those who fail to pass the qualifying exam get a Master’s Degree and are sent on their way.)
I am married to a Jewish man and raising Jewish children, but I am not Jewish. Hell, I think I am more atheist than anything else.
I like home decorating and home remodeling.
I like to paint my nails and get them dirty.
I am a girl Scout leader who is teaching to girls to respect the world and themselves, but to not be afraid to question and not be a sheep.

Most of the time, I enjoy being the odd ball. I work mostly with men. I was at a meeting yesterday with only one other woman about of 12 people. My team has never had another female on it and in most meetings, I am the only female.
I don’t mind lewd jokes and the only time I feel harassed is when I see blatant discrimination against women (one person at work is extremely harsh on female parents).

But yesterday, I was slammed with not fitting in. And I was terribly hurt. And it isn’t anyone’s fault, but just a rejection of me for not fitting in.

I was offered a position on the Board of Trustees at our Temple. I was very honored. I was told several people offered my name for nomination. And I thought "This is an opportunity to step up and give the interfaith families a voice!" I could express our concerns and the recent push by the Union of Reform Judaism’s push for conversion of interfaith spouses.

When this was offered, I did express concern that I am not Jewish. I have never felt that I should convert. It would be lying to convert. I am concerned about the Jewish community. I am concerned about Jewish history. My children are Jewish. They have Jewish blood in their veins, they are proud to be Jewish and they love what they are learning about their heritage.

I was told yesterday, that the offer to serve on the Board of Trustees was retracted. Only Jews may serve on that Board. I understand it. Really I do! It would be like an Italian serving a leadership role in the French-American society. I can’t pretend to be what I am not.

And to be perfectly honest? I was really hurt by this. I didn’t realize how much being myself and having a separate rhythm leaves me excluded. I can’t help bring forth my ideas, because I don’t fit in. I sometimes feel odd at "girls night out" event because I am not very girl. (There is high irony in that statement as I am writing this on a plane on the way to a women’s weekend away!) I have been called Dr. Spacemom by some people and when i correct them, they are surprised that I don’t fit what they think I am and who I am.

I will get over the hurt. I am not sure if I should fight for the right for a non-voting member of the Board of Trustees to be added for interfaith families.

So is it good to be the square peg in a world of round holes? Should we push our children to be individuals? What about the pain? Do we ever consider that?

I AM writing more!

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Yes, I know, it looks like I am not writing all that much, but really, I am writing more. We had a long weekend this week and when I say long, I mean OMG we just spent 2 weeks together as a family and I am not sure we will survive having to do this again for 4 days. We did a trip to the Museum of Science on Friday. Our town seems to think that having school on MLKJr. Weekend is a tragedy, so we get a half day on Thursday and a day off on Friday in addition to Monday. I had the kids go to the town rec center in the morning on Friday and then we met a friend at the Museum of Science in Boston. Fortunately, it was not a terrible madhouse. Most schools had classes in session. We were specifically there for the Harry Potter exhibit. My children have gotten into this in a serious way and it is quite frustrating to spent $23 a kid to go see the exhibit. It was nice and cool to see all of the costumes and props. It was well done, but…but… it doesn’t belong in a science museum. If they had bothered to explain HOW they make Wizard photographs. Or HOW they make Hagrid look so big, or, my personal favorite, how they film Harry riding a broom, then I could see a science connection. The Science of special effects. That’s all they needed to add in. They didn’t. It was a wonderful display of costumes and props and such.

We did have an exciting weekend, however, even with my lack of science love. Soleil had a hockey game bright and early at 6 am Saturday. Then Luna had her ice skating competition. She won first place out of two again! Way to go girl! Again we had some grumblings from Soleil because she never gets a medal for her stuff, but we are stressing the importance of being herself.

 

As a family, we actually do a great job, but we do need to start getting some of our crap together. For example, dinners. The girls are very picky. We started the "here, have PB&J if you don’t like what we are eating" and it happens often. I have decided that we, as a family, have to start expanding the dinner options. I want to list some of our favorite foods and create dinners that the girls will try if not eat. I want to have healthy options if they don’t like what we are having, but they have to be easy for the girls to get themselves.

And bedtime has been a nightmare. Ok, let’s not beat around the bush, sleep has been hell in our household since day 1. When Soleil first slept through the night for more than 1 night , it was when she was almost 3. She often won’t go to bed until she’s been snuggled several times. We need this to stop. I need my time, Jay needs together time… sigh…

So my goals are to start working on these issues. Move ahead slowly… slowly, but surely.

 

And just for your eye candy, check out these photos of Luna skating!

 

 

Soleil bought the flowers!

 

Flash Forward…spacemom edition

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So, 2010 has been a fun run already. It started on New Year’s Eve when we decided to go watch the fireworks in Boston. Boston has cleverly decided to run 2 firework shows; one at 7pm (midnight GMT) and one Midnight local time. We can take the kids down to the 7pm show and still get them in bed in time for us to get some semblance or normalcy. We took advantage of our work by parking at Harvard’s Science Center (our parking pass allows us to park in any Harvard pooled lot after 4pm) and took the T to Boston. We assigned each child a parent and got out at the massively crowded Park station. Since the fireworks and some of the big events were at the Boston Commons. 

Unfortunately, we got separated. Luna and Jay held back and left the T last while Soleil and I were pushed along the crowd. I stopped at one point to explain how the Green Line works as opposed to the Red Line (the Green line gets the power from a cable above the trolley and the Red Line uses the third rail), so I assumed that Jay had gone past us. We waited outside the station for a few minutes because once I started moving again in the station, we were swept up the stairs. Jay assumed that I wouldn’t leave the secure area so he and Luna did a few circuits in the station. I had left my cellphone at home, so I didn’t have a way to call him.

I told Soleil not to worry and we went out, trying to see the ice sculptures, the skating pond and the fireworks, all the time looking for Jay. I tried to get Soleil to go to the statue on the hill because that is where we always go, but she was getting freaked by misplacing dad. We finally met up at the car and Jay asked me "why didn’t you borrow someones cell to call me?" It was a smack the forehead type of question and I had to admit the thought never hit me. I just figured we could do with out worrying. Can you remember when cell phones were not ubiquitous? When you would need to use a payphone? Sigh

The next day, my future was revealed to me in a very strange manner. A Girl Scout Dance party. It’s been a VERY rough year for my co-leader. So I’ve been doing alot for the troop this year with the hands on stuff and she has been doing the email organizational stuff (thank g-d because I suck at that). I had tried to get this dance party set up so the kids could go to someone else’s house. Sadly, their house took on water during Christmas week, so it was my house. We allowed the girls to bring CDs or ipods. Yes, 2 girls had iPods and I have to admit that Soleil and Luna both have simple MP3 players (although not Apple versions). We also got a few of the girls songs that they like on Jay’s computer. Remember, we are geeks, so we could hook up the iPods directly to the downstairs sound system and we can play iTunes through those speakers as well (which, you have to admit is kinda cool).  At first, no one was dancing. But slowly, slowly, they got drawn in. When we switched to Taylor Swift’s "You Belong with Me", all 11 girls, including Luna were dancing. Then to Miley Cyrus’ "Party in the  USA", we had all of the girls doing the actions to "put your hands up, they’re playing my song and the butterflies fly away. And I’m moving my head like yeah, and moving my hips like yeah" OMG, it was so funny. And scary. I thought of how my friends with 10-11 year olds are buying training bras and how these girls are 7 and 8. Soleil is one of the youngest with her summer birthday. Even her best friend in town is almost a full year older than her.

Life is no longer toddler stuff and little kid stuff. We have KIDS. Real KIDS. KIDS that listen to the radio and can talk on phones and want Cell Phones. Scary scary stuff. Life is moving forward.

Title goes here

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First, thank you for all the good thoughts and prayers for Maddy. She is home and recovering nicely!

My neighbor had a great job. He was working for a large financial firm as a middle manager. He had to get up early and come home late some nights, but he had a nice lifestyle. Then, the great Madoff collapse came and he was one of 3,000 laid off. Imagine going into work and having the pink slip. Lovely. Not a thing that is too uncommon these days.

So his wife switched from part time to full time. He was "stay at home dad". He started his new gig in March and now he is looking for a new job, except…he kind of likes the slower lifestyle. He likes being home. He made a comment to me that has stuck in my brain. "If you have kids, you really need to not work so you can have time for yourself and your kids." He is right.

It makes me think. I wish I could have more time. I wish we weren’t a go-go-go society.

How can we slow the world down? any ideas?

 

Making time

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This past weekend was wonderful. We had my friend Becky and her kids, S and E come visit. My girls were all over them! We played, we stayed up late, we bummed around the house, we went to the aquarium, we played at the beach, I think we did it all!

This is why I didn’t write! They were here until yesterday morning. That is when I could close up the mess at our house and start focusing on me again. Okay- Not REALLY. First, I need to focus that Soleil is turning 7 tomorrow! And we have a birthday party planned at our house Saturday. The theme, I kid you not, is "Science". So far, we have four experiments:

  1. Make Flubber from glue and borax: how a polymer changes into a matrix with basic chemistry
  2. Acids and bases: Using cabbage juice as a detector, show how common chemicals in the house have acidic or basic qualities.
  3. Which Lifesaver? Blind fold the child, Have them hold their nose while tasting a life saver candy. They won’t be able to determine the flavor! Have them unplug their nose and try it. How the senses are connected.
  4. Making some ice cream! Yum!: Using ice, salt, light cream and vanilla, have the children make their own ice cream. 

I am hoping to find a bottle to do the "egg in the bottle" trick and to do the vinegar and baking soda to inflate a balloon. That last one should be easy.

Then I am making a volcano cake (complete with exploding orange jello at the serving time) and we’ll have pizza as well.

I hope this works!

 

In other news, I skipped the gym Sat/Sun/Mon and Tues. Going today and hoping to make up for a very sloth self!

Let’s chat. Topic? Parenting. I’ll begin

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As you’ve been watching in pictures and other fun things, my life has been hectic. Since my depressive episode over the summer, I’ve been trying to destress, relax, talk calmly with the girls. You know, the impossible.

Last night was crazy. I stayed calm through it all, but it was hard.

Soleil left her after school care in a foul mood. The foulest I have seen her in a long time. It took several minutes to get her in the car. Then to get her to sit instead of turning around and pouting out the back window.

Turns out she had a fight with another girl about the game of Sorry. A huge fight. And instead of dealing, she got mad and the teacher put the game away and she broke her favorite (du jour) bead bracelet. And Jay tried to pick up all of the beads, but missed ONE sparkly purple one. This is important later.  We got her home and she rushed into her room, hiding under her covers. I calmly followed, asked permission to come up. She grunted and I took that as approval. Much screaming and kicking of the wall ensued as she described her problem. Then she needed to put her bracelet together (BUT DADDY WON’T LET ME!!!!!!) I got the beads from Jay and found that she had moved to under my bed. I put the beads on the carpet and walked away to check on Luna (who was in a pissing match with Jay. Lovely). When I came back, Soleil has sorted all of the beads under the bed and was screaming again. Apparently, she was missing 1 bead. The sparkly purple one. Mom, being the most awesome mother on the planet, found our bead collection and pulled out 5 beads…all the same size and all sparkly, and all the wrong shade of purple.  She was now hiding under her sister’s bed (they have a bunk and she gets the top). Sigh. I offered her three solutions. 1- she could wait until she got the purple sparkle bead from after school, 2- she could just use what she had (NO! IT RUINS MY PATTERN!!!!) , or 3- use these two sparkle beads that are a different shade but really really close (NO! IT HAS TO BE PERFECT!).

The final decision was to package it all up and wait for the next time she was at after school. Sigh. 10 more minutes and she let me carry her into the dining room for dinner. Whew!

Why do they not offer small owner’s manuals? Things that describe exactly what to do when you child becomes COMPLETELY PSYCHOTIC!  I used to think it was just my kids, but now I know it is all kids.

How do you handle these things? I wanted to throw things (and small children) into walls but I didn’t. I stayed calm.

To fight or not?

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Earlier this school year, Soleil had a problem. There was a girl on the bus who picked on Soleil for having "brown hair". She also picked on another girl for stealing her name (the girls had the same first name). It came to a head when Soleil let her after school teachers know that this girl punched her on the bus and then kicked her under the seat.

Momma bear came out and so did, "Wait, maybe my kid caused it" Mama. So I gently asked if this could have been Soleil’s instigation in any way. The answer was along the lines of  "I can’t tell you who did this or what happened exactly" while shaking her head "NO!"

I got the full details later from Soleil and suggested she stay away from the girl for now. After consulting with Jay, we discussed the incident with the principal and suggested some ideas of how to prevent this. We also made it clear we didn’t want to punish the other kid, we just wanted to prevent this from happening again.

Most of the situation has been resolved. We have to remind Soleil that not so long ago, she had trouble controlling her own emotions so she shouldn’t antagonize this girl.

While relating this story to a friend, she got mad that I didn’t tell Soleil to fight back. I argued that at 6 the world is still black and white. Shades of grey aren’t there yet. As she gets older, we’ll work on when it is okay to fight back (yes, I believe there is a point where you have to fight back) and when it isn’t.

Then today I read this article. Yeah- In that case? In 6th grade? If ANYONE hit her or a friend or even just another classmate for being Jewish? I expect some ass kicking to be done.
 

Rocket science?

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Today I looked out at the girls while they were playing on the playset. 

Luna was at the bottom of the slide.

She had just ridden her scooter DOWN THE SLIDE.

Her sister was ready to go. I yelled out that they needed to wear helmets if they were going to scooter down the slide.

 Seriously, are they related to us? (shaking head sadly…)

A normal day?

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This morning started as a normal day. The girls were grumping and fighting. At one point, there was a blood chilling scream. I was brushing my teeth at the time and ran out in the hallway just in time to see Soleil chasing her sister down the hallway with a tube of toothpaste. Lovely. Then there was the "But she started it" By both of them. In Stereo!

The day was great as they were separated. Then before dinner, Luna teased Soleil, so Soleil refused to help clean up Luna’s room and then they went to jump rope outside and I hear more screams as Luna is hitting her sister with the jump rope. And when I go to stop her, she decides that the rope is not good enough, let’s attack her with the handles.

Oy! We explained how this is BAD M’kay? BAD IDEA that leads to STITCHES and BLOOD and HOSPITALS.

Is this normal between siblings?