Category Archives: Mom Phrases

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, my kids are from Alpha Centuri

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There are days, you know those days, when you are ready to grab your passport, withdraw all of your cash and buy a one-way ticket to an isle where a Cabana boy named Juan can oil you down. Oh, and leave the kids behind while doing this. And what never fails on days like this, is that someone will make a comment about Soleil or Luna. Something along the lines of 

She’s so cute and she is so caring and considerate. She must just be pure pleasure to be with! 

The first thing I normally do when this happens is snap my head around, looking for the person that this crazed individual is talking to, because it can’t be me! Then I realize, oh, they ARE talking to me. How odd. I usually respond with something like "Oh she’s good in small doses" or something to that affect.

The second thing I do is analyze this conversation. I over think sometimes and this topic often makes me think. How do others view my kids? The truth is, they are extremely caring and considerate when we are not around. I have heard nothing but compliments from parents, teachers, daycare personnel on our daughters’ behavior. Somehow, this always surprises me. Perhaps it is because I am the one who has to deal with the kicking and screaming 3 year old. Or who has the 5 year old claim "I don’t like you, Mom!" as she turns her back on me. The screaming when things are working out between them. The crying and hitting. I am always amazed because I do see the harder parts of their personalities. I see the good sides too, but the bad sides I really see!

I guess those little gems hidden in parenting books "They will act worse with the parents because they trust them" are true. My girls can be perfect angels with other adults, but when I have them, forget about it. On those days that Juan is calling for me, I need to remember this:

    They really are well behaved kids. They really are caring. I just don’t get to see that part of them much because they are so comfortable with me.
 

 

Whimp out post of the day

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Here’s a snippet of a conversation the other day: Note: the girls and I all have nasty colds….

Me: "Ugh, I hate that we all have this virus!"
S: "which virus is it mom?" (the girl is OBSESSED with viruses..sick I tell you!)
Me: "this is the cold, it’s called the Rhino-virus"
S: laughing "I’m going to be a rhinoceros! Look! I’ll have 4 feet and a horn! You too Luna!"
Me: (laughing that she made a real joke)
L: "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I don’t want to be a rhinoceros! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

Ah yes, the joy of siblings! 

Eye don’t like this one at all!

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So Soleil has dacryocystitis. Poor girl was born with blocked tear ducts. If you don’t know where these are, put your fingers on the bridge of your nose, near your eyes. Move your fingers towards the corner of your eyes. Do you feel those bumps? Yeah, that’s where your tears drain into your nose (why you get a runny nose when you cry).

Soleil has infections in her eyes since day 1. A photo from 1 month old.

From 5 months old

And from the day after the probing at 13 months

We had her undergo a procedure known as probing. A small probe is inserted in the tear ducts to clear them. We were told the procedure would take 20 minutes. It took 45 and the doctor was surprised by how long it took.

Every winter, when Soleil gets a cold, one or both of her eyes get infected. We have always been told it was conjunctivitis, pink eye. But this time Soleil got an infected eye, the doctor was surprised when I told him that it was conjunctivitis. He said no. And he looked at her chart, felt her eyes and told me that it was dacryocystitis. She has NEVER been infectious. This is just the mucus from the cold backing up into her tear ducts and into her eyes. I had to explain this to the school nurse and the temple school.

What to do about this? Well, I cannot tell you the number of times I was told to "squirt some breast milk into her eyes!" Yeah, um, no thanks. Besides, this appears to be something physical… We have an appointment on Halloween to see the doctor who did the original probe. It is VERY RARE for a child of 5 to still have this (so raspberries to all of those people who told me I was a terrible mom to have the probing in the first place because "she would grow out of it") Here’s a link to some of the solutions. I worry that they will need to cut a new channel. I am really worried that they might have to break her nose to fix this. I

As a mom, I doubt my worry will ever end, but for now… I am worried.

Where’s my jacket?

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I am looking for my jacket. You know, the little white one that ties in the back?

I ended up volunteering to be a co-leader for Soleil’s Daisy Girl Scout troop. And since I am one of the few who were not afriad of computers, I am running the Yahoo group.

 Yeah, this is what I needed. More work. Way to go Nance!

 

Next up: learn how to smash one’s head into a wall while juggling kids, husband and a spacecraft

 

A pleasant night

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As far as I was concerned, last night was a perfectly pleasant night. I left work and went to the gym, got a great workout, but left Jason Bourne (Bourne Supremacy) in a dangerous spot.
I showered, felt cool and refreshed, got an iced mocha (I forgot the decaf part) and headed to get the girls. Since my gym has a location in the same complex as daycare, it was a very quick routine. We got in the car and decided on pancakes for dinner.

After collecting Jay from work, we had a great drive home. 128 was terrible (as it always is around Boston), but other than that, a smooth ride. Jay had even called United to make a note that Soleil’s name was cut short on her ticket (it only has So on the ticket…can’t change the name on a ticket, but they can make a note. I hope security doesn’t have a fit).

We let the girls play outside while Jay cooked and I packed the girls’ clothes. I overpacked. I always overpack the girls’ stuff. They have so many cute clothes to wear!
They asked to eat outside, so we said sure!

They ate on the kid table outside while Jay and I enjoyed a quiet, adult meal. Afterwards, they ran around until they called me, both with bright eyes and smiles. They had found a baby butterfly. I came out.

On the playset was a small caterpillar. He was moving all around and the girls were watching his every move.

“Isn’t he beautiful, Luna?” asked Soleil
“Yes, and he will be a butterfly someday!” smiled Luna
“He will build a chrysalis and turn into a butterfly!” squealed Soleil

Then it was time to come in and get ready to bed. I had a meeting at temple to go to, and I heard the rest of the night did not go so well.

But for me? the night was perfect.

Long road of Parenting

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Does it mean that I go to Dunkin’ Donuts too often when my almost 5 year old yells out "mom, I want a cinnamon raisin bagel and 2 honey-dipped munchkins" when I pull in the drive-through?

When the girls are fighting in the car, should I care?  One minute it is "She’s touching me" (really! I thought it was a joke) and the next minute they are singing the theme to Diego and holding hands. They actually held hands in the car for 20 minutes of the 30 minute ride in today.

Why does quality daycare cost so much? Soleil is leaving daycare in September to go to  Kindergarten. We are saving almost $1200 a month (removing the cost of after school care). Holy Carp!

It’s a good thing when your child wants to fish in Hawaii so she can give the fish to people who don’t have enough money to eat, right?

And when she wants to put her large stuffed bear and small stuffed bear together and pretend that they are Ursa Major and Ursa Minor (the Big and Little Dippers)? Is that strange or what?

Or when the almost 3 year old wants to pretend to fish in the car with a random piece of string she found? Should I worry? Or only when they come up with a barracuda because it was in Nemo?

Another trip down this road of parenting….

I’ll love you forever

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An open letter to my girls:

Yesterday, something terrible happened. Luckily, we were painting, hanging glass shelves, playing Wonder Pets, saving Baby Jaguar, and making cookies. We missed it. But the truth is, one day, you two will leave my side. You will be out in the world.

I can’t protect you. I wish I could. I can’t be there every time someone says something hurtful. I can’t be there when you make a mistake and need help picking up the pieces. I can be a phone call away to listen. And Dad and I can teach you all of the different ways we have learned to deal with such things, so you can deal with them too.

But I can’t protect you from these things. I can’t protect you from the evils out in the world. However, I will always be here to love you. No matter what. No matter how big of mistakes you make or what terrible things may happen to you, I will love you…

And that is something I can do

love,
Mom

Typepad and computers are conspiring!

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Is it just me? Or can nobody leave comments? I’ve been TRYING to comment on blogs that I love and typepad keeps timing out. And then I wrote a really nice post and Zoom, the Internet gods ATE IT. I hope you liked it! It would have been better with ketchup!

Sigh, So remember this post? Yeah, well, I think my freak out is starting to go down. Jay and I had a discussion, and he even gave me a paper bag to hyperventilate into, and we decided to try our town’s after school program.
Then we also discussed our "real" plan for the future. We may just get another parking pass and shift schedules. If he goes to work early, I can stay with the kids and then once they are on the bus, I’ll drive in. Then he comes home early to pick them up from the bus and I drive home in time for dinner.

We’ll see how this plays out. It might work well, it might not. We will have to see.

So, seriously, nobody has suggestions for sewing? Seriously? Dudes, you disappoint me. Drop me an email if you don’t want to comment. I won’t tell!

So how many hours is okay?

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My good friend, The midlife Traveler, wrote an interesting post the other day, in which she opened herself up to criticism (sorry, MLT, you did). So, I thought about this. I am a part-time out of home worker. I have a 32 hour work week. My commute is 21 minutes (no traffic) to 1 hour (rush hour). Each way. I chose a daycare close to my work for several reasons,

  1. if there was an emergency, I could get there ASAP
  2. we could spend more time with our kids, talking on the ride there and home
  3. I didn’t like any daycares near our home!

The one thing that MLT said that made me think (and not get angry, because I know where she is coming from) is:

I’m still shocked by the reality that, in some households, allowing a
child the recommended number of hours of sleep would mean the parents
would literally not get to see their children when they got home from
work. 

Go ahead, shoot me for saying it: if your kid is away from you for 12
hours a day, 5 days a week, maybe you should have adopted a chihuahua.

NO FLAMING HER PLEASE…

This hits in a couple of ways:
First, our children are not good sleepers. They wake during the night (although luna is doing much better), and they don’t NEED as much sleep as the norm. Soleil usually sleeps from 10-7. That’s what, 9 hours of sleep? The guidelines say 10-13 hours a sleep for a child her age.

Second, we both work! So I started thinking about the time away from my girls.

Let’s take the "average" family. The parents work 8 hours a day. Let’s say they have a simple commute of 15 minutes. let’s assume a daycare situation. You take the kids to daycare. Take 5-15 minutes for the dropoff. Then go to work (15 minutes), work. Plus 30 minute lunch. then go to pick up the kids. That’s 9 hours right there.

Now, increase that commute to something more reasonable, 20-30 minutes, and you are away for about 9.5 hours. Okay, now what if you work a longer day? Say a 9 hour day, now you are away 10.5 hours a day from your kids.

How about the school situation? Some kids go to school early. Next year, the bus comes at 8:10am. We will be home close to 6. That’s 10 hours, just because I can’t control the time when school starts or ends.

This whole thing started me thinking about having children in general. We wanted children. Some was the basic programming gut instinct stuff, but some was for the experience. Jay wanted to life experience of raising children. Of helping a new person grow and learn. A bit egotistical, yes. Part of that human thing. As our children grow, we spend less and less time with them. We can still visit and talk, but there will be a point when the kids are out of the house. They are already their own people.

I can already see them learning, experiencing life in their own ways. School is yet another thing that will separate us, but I hope bring us together. Obviously, Jay and I have our own ideas on schools and helping our children in school, but I do hope to share our love of learning with them. Even when we aren’t there.

I guess this whole thing has me thinking about how we learn to work with our children in the context of a family. Even lovers aren’t together 24/7. Should we expect to be with our children that way?

THAT kind of parent

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First, a quick update. Mom is home! Yea! She will need to get that kidney stone removed next week, but for now she is home and actually getting rest.

Now, for today’s topic: Parental Misgivings

I sometimes wonder about the girls. We had a "yoga night" at daycare on Tuesday. The girls were typical and ran and played and had fun. But I got worried. First, when the girls are together, they get more wild than when alone. We’ve spoken to their teachers and we’ve observed this ourselves. When the girls are alone, they act much differently than when they are playing together. They did some of the yoga, but mostly, they were seeing who could wrestle with whom better. When I tried to get them to stop, one of the teachers said it was ok. In my mind, I was shrinking away, embarrassed.

I wonder sometimes if we are "THAT" kind of parent. You know. The one that everyone says doesn’t discipline, that negotiates with their child, that doesn’t demand the child to obey…. In some senses, we are.

We definitely discipline. That’s not an issue. We don’t punish as much as stop the situation, discuss the consequences and deal. Example: The couch upstairs is one that the girls can jump on with three rules: 1) they ask me 2) no shoes, 3) stay on the cushions. When Soleil goes on the arm of the couch, she gets 1 warning and then she is not allowed on the couch anymore. Simple consequence. Not really a punishment, but a basic "here’s the rules, here’s why there are rules, if you don’t follow, you can’t jump"

Negotiate? Yes and no. Some things are negotiable. Dinner within reason, things to do during the day, with reason. We are a family and we work together. They don’t have an equal vote and sometimes, the kids need to just do and those times we explain "no, this one you need to do"

Doesn’t demand obedience. This is a tough one for me. I go back and forth on this one. I don’t demand obedience. I want to teach the girls that listening and helping is the right thing to do. We have MANY discussions on this. We discuss about situations where you MUST listen (the word STOP is a must-we only use it in unsafe situations), and situations where you can stop and discuss. I don’t want my kids to be in blind obedience to the ‘rules’ because I want them to be critical thinkers. But under age 6, this is difficult. They are not emotionally mature enough to be a good critical thinker. So we need a mix of obedience and questioning authority. This is a very fine line to walk and it is hard.

Last night, I had a rough time with Soleil. She didn’t listen to my requests and finally, I stopped her and got to her level and said "I’ve asked you twice to hang up your jacket in the closet, on the hook. You know that I ask this everynight. Please stop the game, go down and hang up your jacket. This is your responsibility as part of the family" And she did! And so did Luna.

What brought on this worry? This story and this sort of reaction.

I was on one blog (by a married, but without children person) and the comments she got on this story were amazing. How people without kids would handle it, how people with kids would NEVER have their child act this way…

Always things to ponder…