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Typepad and computers are conspiring! February 23, 2007

Posted by spacemom in : Weblogs, Mom Phrases , 4 comments

Is it just me? Or can nobody leave comments? I’ve been TRYING to comment on blogs that I love and typepad keeps timing out. And then I wrote a really nice post and Zoom, the Internet gods ATE IT. I hope you liked it! It would have been better with ketchup!

Sigh, So remember this post? Yeah, well, I think my freak out is starting to go down. Jay and I had a discussion, and he even gave me a paper bag to hyperventilate into, and we decided to try our town’s after school program.
Then we also discussed our "real" plan for the future. We may just get another parking pass and shift schedules. If he goes to work early, I can stay with the kids and then once they are on the bus, I’ll drive in. Then he comes home early to pick them up from the bus and I drive home in time for dinner.

We’ll see how this plays out. It might work well, it might not. We will have to see.

So, seriously, nobody has suggestions for sewing? Seriously? Dudes, you disappoint me. Drop me an email if you don’t want to comment. I won’t tell!

So how many hours is okay? February 13, 2007

Posted by spacemom in : Weblogs, Kids, Mom Phrases , 5 comments

My good friend, The midlife Traveler, wrote an interesting post the other day, in which she opened herself up to criticism (sorry, MLT, you did). So, I thought about this. I am a part-time out of home worker. I have a 32 hour work week. My commute is 21 minutes (no traffic) to 1 hour (rush hour). Each way. I chose a daycare close to my work for several reasons,

  1. if there was an emergency, I could get there ASAP
  2. we could spend more time with our kids, talking on the ride there and home
  3. I didn’t like any daycares near our home!

The one thing that MLT said that made me think (and not get angry, because I know where she is coming from) is:

I’m still shocked by the reality that, in some households, allowing a
child the recommended number of hours of sleep would mean the parents
would literally not get to see their children when they got home from
work. 

Go ahead, shoot me for saying it: if your kid is away from you for 12
hours a day, 5 days a week, maybe you should have adopted a chihuahua.

NO FLAMING HER PLEASE…

This hits in a couple of ways:
First, our children are not good sleepers. They wake during the night (although luna is doing much better), and they don’t NEED as much sleep as the norm. Soleil usually sleeps from 10-7. That’s what, 9 hours of sleep? The guidelines say 10-13 hours a sleep for a child her age.

Second, we both work! So I started thinking about the time away from my girls.

Let’s take the "average" family. The parents work 8 hours a day. Let’s say they have a simple commute of 15 minutes. let’s assume a daycare situation. You take the kids to daycare. Take 5-15 minutes for the dropoff. Then go to work (15 minutes), work. Plus 30 minute lunch. then go to pick up the kids. That’s 9 hours right there.

Now, increase that commute to something more reasonable, 20-30 minutes, and you are away for about 9.5 hours. Okay, now what if you work a longer day? Say a 9 hour day, now you are away 10.5 hours a day from your kids.

How about the school situation? Some kids go to school early. Next year, the bus comes at 8:10am. We will be home close to 6. That’s 10 hours, just because I can’t control the time when school starts or ends.

This whole thing started me thinking about having children in general. We wanted children. Some was the basic programming gut instinct stuff, but some was for the experience. Jay wanted to life experience of raising children. Of helping a new person grow and learn. A bit egotistical, yes. Part of that human thing. As our children grow, we spend less and less time with them. We can still visit and talk, but there will be a point when the kids are out of the house. They are already their own people.

I can already see them learning, experiencing life in their own ways. School is yet another thing that will separate us, but I hope bring us together. Obviously, Jay and I have our own ideas on schools and helping our children in school, but I do hope to share our love of learning with them. Even when we aren’t there.

I guess this whole thing has me thinking about how we learn to work with our children in the context of a family. Even lovers aren’t together 24/7. Should we expect to be with our children that way?

THAT kind of parent January 25, 2007

Posted by spacemom in : Kids, Mom Phrases, In A Family Way , 4 comments

First, a quick update. Mom is home! Yea! She will need to get that kidney stone removed next week, but for now she is home and actually getting rest.

Now, for today’s topic: Parental Misgivings

I sometimes wonder about the girls. We had a "yoga night" at daycare on Tuesday. The girls were typical and ran and played and had fun. But I got worried. First, when the girls are together, they get more wild than when alone. We’ve spoken to their teachers and we’ve observed this ourselves. When the girls are alone, they act much differently than when they are playing together. They did some of the yoga, but mostly, they were seeing who could wrestle with whom better. When I tried to get them to stop, one of the teachers said it was ok. In my mind, I was shrinking away, embarrassed.

I wonder sometimes if we are "THAT" kind of parent. You know. The one that everyone says doesn’t discipline, that negotiates with their child, that doesn’t demand the child to obey…. In some senses, we are.

We definitely discipline. That’s not an issue. We don’t punish as much as stop the situation, discuss the consequences and deal. Example: The couch upstairs is one that the girls can jump on with three rules: 1) they ask me 2) no shoes, 3) stay on the cushions. When Soleil goes on the arm of the couch, she gets 1 warning and then she is not allowed on the couch anymore. Simple consequence. Not really a punishment, but a basic "here’s the rules, here’s why there are rules, if you don’t follow, you can’t jump"

Negotiate? Yes and no. Some things are negotiable. Dinner within reason, things to do during the day, with reason. We are a family and we work together. They don’t have an equal vote and sometimes, the kids need to just do and those times we explain "no, this one you need to do"

Doesn’t demand obedience. This is a tough one for me. I go back and forth on this one. I don’t demand obedience. I want to teach the girls that listening and helping is the right thing to do. We have MANY discussions on this. We discuss about situations where you MUST listen (the word STOP is a must-we only use it in unsafe situations), and situations where you can stop and discuss. I don’t want my kids to be in blind obedience to the ‘rules’ because I want them to be critical thinkers. But under age 6, this is difficult. They are not emotionally mature enough to be a good critical thinker. So we need a mix of obedience and questioning authority. This is a very fine line to walk and it is hard.

Last night, I had a rough time with Soleil. She didn’t listen to my requests and finally, I stopped her and got to her level and said "I’ve asked you twice to hang up your jacket in the closet, on the hook. You know that I ask this everynight. Please stop the game, go down and hang up your jacket. This is your responsibility as part of the family" And she did! And so did Luna.

What brought on this worry? This story and this sort of reaction.

I was on one blog (by a married, but without children person) and the comments she got on this story were amazing. How people without kids would handle it, how people with kids would NEVER have their child act this way…

Always things to ponder…

Shh…I’m hiding November 25, 2006

Posted by spacemom in : Life...otherwise, Kids, Mom Phrases , 5 comments

I am in my bedroom, hiding. The girls have been INSANE today, and yesterday and Thursday. I swear as G-d is my witness that this children are fucking insane.

Soleil lost it when we went for a walk because we weren’t allowing her grandparents to go see her best friend’s new house. WTF??? WTF???
Luna started screaming for no apparent reason. Lasted 10 minutes… Shit they found me….
back after I ass wipe someone…

The day started innocent enough. We had a night out, got the last two tickets to Casino Royale, VERY Good movie. Best Bond I have ever seen. Then to dinner.
I had a massage scheduled for this morning. I decided on a whim to get my hair cut. It came out the right length, but the woman dried all of the curls out. I look like Hillary. I can also see the multitude og grey hairs that normally hide. By 40, I may start to consider coloring my hair. That is vain… I know.
But the massage was heaven. 1 hour and 15 minutes of pure, heavenly bliss. The woman put on some wind instrument with birds and a flowing stream in the background. Then she proceeded to put my body into a wonder state of pure relaxation.

Then I came home… and hell started to reign on earth. The screams! The looks! The horror that Mommy gave someone a sippy instead of a regular cup. I ask someone to use potty so we don’t have to use the composting potties at the National Park service (the girls are scared of them). NO NO NO, I would rather have my bladder burst and urine soak my internal organs before I use a bathroom when you ask, Mommy…

The walk got about 20 yards before I had two girls asking me to carry them. Grandma was treated like chopped liver. I felt terrible for her and terrible for the girls. After much discussion, and my heart breaking as a saw a dad smack his daughter (about 3 or 4) for walking towards the river twice, I kept my calm and decided to return to the car. We did. Slowly, loudly, screaming bloody murder, but we did. I actually had one older gentleman give me a thumbs up when I said something very calmly to Soleil. I forget what I said, but I was seething inside and to have someone else just confirm that I was doing the right thing helped.

Luna was asleep in the car in 5 minutes, graham cracker still at her lips.
Soleil and I had a long talk at home about her behavior.

I need a drink. A stiff one.

On another note, mom is in a regular room now. She has multiple blood clots in her lungs. She’s on heprin and cumadin. She will be hospitalized for several days, but is being encouraged to move around as they are confident that the clots are only in her lungs and should stay there until dissolved.

Luna is screaming and forgetting to breathe. I better go deal….

Guilt, now painless! October 25, 2006

Posted by spacemom in : Mom Phrases , 1 comment so far

Friday night, I was watching TV with the kids when Luna snuggled up to me. She looked at me, making direct eye contact. I smiled. She smiled. She said
"mommy. You’re mean"
I raised my eyebrows. This is not something I haven’t heard before.
"Oh, why am I mean?"
Then she slammed me
"Cuz you go to work"

For a short moment, just a short moment, I was shocked. I had struggled with the working/staying home mom thing with Soleil, but not Luna. Then I realized it didn’t hurt to hear her say that. I replied.

"Well, then your class at daycare has lots of mean mommies"

Luna giggled, snuggled and went back to her TV.

It really didn’t bother me. I can balance my emotions about working and being a mom. Cool.

(What really scares the hell out of me is that Luna is 28 months old. How the HELL does she know that working is a source of guilt for moms?)

Mom Sucks today October 19, 2006

Posted by spacemom in : Mom Phrases , 3 comments

Let me start this post of with the following disclaimer.

In no way do I really think I am a terrible mom. I am having a shitty morning and I know things will get better. My children will not become mass murderers because of this morning and life will continue.

Okay- Now that we have that out of the way, DAMN, I am having a bad morning.

Soleil is in an egotistical phase. It is driving me nuts. I hate it I hate it I hate it. All she can think about is herself.
UGH!!! I am so frustrated by this.

Today is photo day at daycare. I carefully selected clothes last night that would coordinate for a sibling photo. We waited until after breakfast to dress the girls. Then Jay wanted a few photos of his own. They did not cooperate.

Finally, he got frustrated and walked away. I talked to him and then to Soleil. I asked her to try to sit nicely for one photo for Daddy. She said No. I don’t want to do that.  I asked if she could do this because it was nice for daddy. She didn’t want to. I got frustrated. I asked her why should people be nice to her if she isn’t nice to others? She ignored the question. So I told her that Lil, my stuffed animal, could not go to school today.

The tears! The screams! The crying and sobbing. I have nicely given up my favorite stuffed animal for her to play with. I had my backup auxiliary cat, Frieda, take care of Lil today.

On the ride in, we talked about helping mommy and daddy. Listening to mommy and daddy. Helping the family. Blah blah blah. Then Luna decided she didn’t want her seat belt on. OH My G-d! The screams! You would have thought we were torturing her by making her wear a seat belt in the car.

When we get to daycare, Luna wants Daddy. Nope, Mommy’s taking her in. Now it is "I don’t want my seat belt off!" UGH!
I ended up carrying her in with the "over my shoulder so you can’t hurt me" move. She did get down once and then she started to scratch my neck, she almost ripped my earring out, and she started pulling my hair. Sigh…

I feel like the worst mother in the world on days like this.

How am I raising such a fricking egotistical child? Why? Why? What am I doing wrong?
What is up with Luna? The freak!

Why am I dreaming of just leaving and not coming back?

I don’t care if the kids hate me, I just want them to be respectful adults at some point. UGH

Okay. enough whining. I have some data to cross-correlate.

Fat is PHAT July 25, 2006

Posted by spacemom in : Mom Phrases , add a comment

This is all the rage these days: Shape of a Mother

I was planning to post about religion today, but no, This is calling my attention.
(oops, boss man cometh-more later)

 

Now where was I? Yes, Who decides what a mother should look like? I have high standards for myself. I wish I had an athletic body. Strong muscles and a flat abdomen. I would have thin hips and high cheekbones. I would swing by the toddler classroom at daycare with the ease of a chic woman and be the envy of all other moms..

Ugh, earth to Nance? Yeah, right.

OK- I am 5′3". I went through 4 pregnancies (1 really short, 1 for 2 months, 2 full term). Gained weight with all.
Changed my body shape with all but the short one.

So, should my body shape define me as a mom?
No. I think that my body shape is my shape. If I am unhappy with it in some regards (like the rolls of fat), maybe I should do something about it (more sit ups less M&Ms).

 

 

 

The web page starts with:

"Becoming
a mother changes everything in your world - including your body. Here
we share images of our bodies during and after pregnancy so we can see
what real women look like."

Do real women need to look a certain way? I think this does help in the sense that some women will never know that others look similar after childbirth, but then, I wonder about some of the comments. For example, you see someone who returned to a mostly pre-pregnant shape and the commentors gush about how great she looks. Does that mean the others don’t look great?

Anyway, just thinking about this site. And then Karen of the NO, comment on Terita’s blog made me really think about how empty I felt during infertility and pregnancy. I was convinced most of Soleil’s pregnancy that she wouldn’t make it….

Just some thoughts on this issue….

Overheard this morning, in the bathroom July 7, 2006

Posted by spacemom in : Mom Phrases , add a comment

Scene: Morning, Bathroom
Soleil: "No Luna! I am going Poop!"
Luna: "I go poop! I go poop in potty!"
Sound of toilet seat slamming down
Luna: "NO CLOSE! I CLOSE IT! I DO IT ! WAHHHHHHHHH"
Me: "Soleil, why did you close the toilet when you knew Luna needed to use it?"
Soleil: "For good luck!"
Me: turn away before laughing

(and no, my just turned 2 year old is not potty trained, she just thinks she is)

The post in which Nance babbles June 8, 2006

Posted by spacemom in : Fun with Crohn's Disease, Mom Phrases, I dream of sleep, Home wreckers , 3 comments

Here I am, 9:46 am, in my Jammies. I decided to work from home today because we should have a glass shower door installed. Note the should. The woman from the shower door place is supposed to call me back. The factory took almost 1 month to build a door that should have taken 1 week. Sigh.
Once the shower door is installed, I need to caulk around the wood baseboards and we are DONE in that bathroom minus the venting fan. Only took 21 months…. Sheesh.

Last night, we were watching a baseball game and Dr. Jay commented on the drug scandal in baseball. "I finally understand Jason Giambi’s intestinal issue" He believes it was steroid withdrawal. It makes sense given the pain that Dr. Jay is in and how Giambi’s pain was described. It was also reported that Giambi had a pituitary tumor. Steroids affect a feedback system that involves the pituitary. It is called the "something that I can’t remember" axis. I call it the "axis of evil". It is amazing to watch these players detox from steroids. What idiot would go on these things voluntarily?? Really? These things suck.

At 2:30am, I was awoken to the sounds of Luna climbing out of bed. Dr. Jay had gotten her at 1:30, so I offered to help her. She proceeded to throw a full blown tantrum because I wasn’t Daddy. I hate the tantrum phase. It lasted 15 minutes. I sat in the comfy chair, doing some calming yoga breathing while she lost it. Finally, she let me pick her up. She was asleep in 5 minutes, but I held her for 5 more just to snuggle. There have been some posts on sleep lately. I am working on it. Dr. Jay told me about an article on how Ferber is harmful to kids and how it should make me feel better that I can’t do the cry it out. I told him that I respect those who choose it. I just can’t do it. I guess I am odd that way. I don’t mind if you do things in raising your kid (except spanking and humiliation, I will speak against those), but I generally don’t push my POV.

Overheard in the spacehouse, "Luna, No more broccoli until you eat some pasta"
The things we say!

Time to shower and get myself going. I have two car dealerships to visit today and some coding to get done plus some testing. Oh, and I want to clean Soleil’s room. Ha!

What a day…. June 5, 2006

Posted by spacemom in : She Blinded me with Science, Mom Phrases, Home wreckers , 1 comment so far

It is Monday, I am sleepy and hungry.

It’s been a long day. The girls were crazy today. We spent the morning shopping at a hardware store. They give a free lollipop to the kids, so I can shop in peace. I needed a new light for the laundry/bath, I wanted to spray paint to test my  theory of repainting the playhouse and I got some spray paint for Soleil’s furniture (which was a hideous off white that was smoke stained). Ok, that’s not so bad. Then we went to the playground next to the hardware store.That was good. We survived that.
Then onto the drug store, where I needed a toothbrush for Luna (don’t ask, please)
We ended up going into a consignment shop and the kids played with the toys. I got  a nice set of DVDs and umbrella. Ok- still going well.
To the drugstore… Luna tried to walk out with 3 tubes of "Dora and Diego" toothpaste..

Then to Dunkin’ because we need our morning snack of bagel and coffee (I get the coffee, they get the bagel). Ok- slight whining over who gets the top of the bagel.

Back home, I install the light in the laundry (while they watch the Spongebob marathon…not my idea) and then we have lunch, play and then my work meeting. Oh yeah, did I forget to mention that I am on duty this week and the command load came out on Friday for review today. I reviewed it Friday, but I have to be in on the meeting today. So we are playing outside, watching ants crawl, driving the cozy coupe and discussing the spacecraft load. I hope nobody heard the kids during the meeting.

By the time the meeting was over, the kids were getting a little nutso. We played with our friends until Luna started to cry when you looked at her. Lovely…
She passed out in the car, but we survived long enough to get home and into the tub. I asked Dr. Jay to come home early. He did (by 5:20) and the kids played with him for a while.

I am mentally drained. Writing this out makes it nothing compared to some of E’s days with Macy, but for some reason I am extremely drained.

On two other notes:
Crazy H gave birth to her second daughter on Wednesday. I helped by taking her oldest in the middle in of the night. We did a great job and managed to deal well with 3 kids in our house in the morning…
They came over yesterday and basically crashed while we played with her oldest (23 months) and I held her little one.

We finished most of the upstairs bathroom. We should get the shower door on Thursday. I will post photos…