In Dire Straits… November 18, 2007
Posted by spacemom in : Parenting 101 , 4 commentsWhoops, I was playing some Dire Straits… And playing "Money for Nothing"….. And then the line came on about "the Little Faggot"… Um, Should I let my kids listen this? And when they ask, How do I explain "faggot" and how these sorts of taunts are not ok…? Sigh, Parenting sucks sometimes…
Help November 12, 2007
Posted by spacemom in : Parenting 101 , 3 commentsI am trapped with two small children who think that "Barbie as the Island Princess" is da bomb.
I can’t handle the music any more..They can’t hold a tune (comes from their father)
Must get starbucks
What’s your style? November 6, 2007
Posted by spacemom in : Parenting 101 , 4 commentsChicagoMama had a great post about her parenting style. I liked this post and I promised to appropriate it. It is funny how CM and I differ! 
- I push politeness. I do my best, but I forget sometimes. I use Please and Thank you with my husband and children. I do my best to explain that we need manners. As far as I can tell, we have done pretty well on this front. I still have the "climbing on the furniture" issue… Sigh
- we encourage television. I know, we are horrible modern parents, right? But…but…both Jay and I learned a great deal from TV. We both watched shows that are now on discovery channel. We both retained factoids from shows like this. We would watch these and go to the library and learn more. The girls will watch a show and then play act it. I like to see this kind of imagination. Take an idea and expand on it. We discuss what we watch on TV. My most often repeated phrase during TV is "nope, we aren’t buying that". Sure, they get exposure to toys that they would otherwise not see, but I can’t prevent them from seeing the world forever. So let them see it now, with the explanations of what manipulation is.
- We sadly encourage free thought. I say sadly because it means that we get into minor power struggles. Teaching respect while teaching independence and standing for what you mean is a tough line to toe. But we are doing it. I want my girls to have the balls to stand up and say "This is wrong. I will not allow this to happen" while doing it with respect. This is so hard. Some days I just want them to listen and do what I ask….
- Lack of cleaning gene. I failed to get the cleaning gene. I failed to pass this on to my children. Last night, Soleil lost it when I pulled back her sheets… Why? Because she had made her bed! And she didn’t want to have to make it again (as in EVER) sigh… Luna’s room is just as bad
- toys? Ha! I try to eliminate some, but I don’t go as crazy as I could. We have 2 leap pad books and will have 2 leapsters in the house. The girls love these toys, as much as they love books. We don’t go crazy with educational toys, but we also don’t discourage them. I originally thought I would do without plastic toys, but I found that you can have a healthy mix.
- I was surprised to discover we don’t punish much. The two biggest things that we use are removal of TV privileges and quiet time. We will ask the offender to go to their room and calm down so we can talk. Not letting TV be watched is a huge issue for the girls. We don’t use time outs (we limit what we do use), we encourage discussion, we don’t hit.
- In the same vein, I encourage the girls to work it out. A common phrase in my house is "So? Why are you telling me what she did? Go tell her how you feel!" I make them discuss their feelings with each other. I refuse to be a referee. If I wanted to be a ref, I would sharpen my skates and apply to the local league.
- I believe strongly in the "try out and find the answer" parenting. As long as it isn’t going to hurt anyone, I allow for experimentation. So far, so good. We have the most interesting dinner discussions. And we have a great deal of "..and if this breaks, who’s fault is it?"
- Everything is fair game for discussion. Imagine the day that Jay went to Elie Wiesel’s talk. They now know that Wiesel spent time in a "camp" for Jews that was created by a man who was not nice. A man who wanted to run the world his way. A man who hated Jews just because they were Jewish. I am not going to explain Auschwitz with them today. But they have a right to learn about the evils of the world.
I think that sums up the space parenting…
“It must be a Thursday… October 25, 2007
Posted by spacemom in : Parenting 101 , 1 comment so farI never could get the hang of Thursdays"—
Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Universe
Actually, today is not so bad. I just sent out my gazillion emails to all of the observers I am supporting this next Chandra Observing Cycle. Whew, it is tough because some observers have 60+ observations associated with their program and I need to put a link to each observation in the emails. Instead of hitting the poor people with one for each observation, I tend to give them one email with all of the links in them.
Anywho, my week of single mom is almost done. Jay returns from Huntsville, Alabama where the 8 years of Chandra Science Meeting is ending. Good for me because I am about fried. The girls have actually been really helpful this week. Last night, Luna awoke at 1:30am and I brought her in bed with me. She spent the night grinding her teeth. It really upsets me that the girls get so stressed so young. What could be so hard in her life that she is grinding her teeth? Really? Maybe it is because mommy made her clean most of the blue dye out of her hair (Soleil kept telling everyone at the Halloween party last night that I had tie-died Luna’s hair. The thought of tie-dying hair just gave me giggles all of the time…). Maybe because mommy laughed and sighed when I saw that she spent nap-time at daycare coloring her tights purple. And that the marker had bleed through causing her legs to turn purple…. The teacher was mortified because she thought Luna was coloring a picture, not her legs! I told her not to worry, it will wash out. If not, eh we have a new design on tights!
I think I am really settling into the new routine of life. I am getting used to parties and school and searching backpacks… I found a book report from Soleil yesterday
"Daniel had 2 dolars. He went shoping. He bot a kite." Not bad, my love, not bad at all
I hope to do Fiction Friday this week. I really need to release something, I just don’t know what!
BTW- a great comet showed up yesterday. Check out spaceweather.com to see more info!
Where’s my sanity? October 16, 2007
Posted by spacemom in : Current Affairs, Parenting 101 , 4 commentsHmm, There is a theme lately….My sanity is gone. I think that is it!
Things, in general are going well at the Space House. We have made significant progress in several projects around the house. The railing for the downstairs stairwell is up and solid, so Jay’s Father can’t rip it out of the wall this time. The new light fixture over the main stairwell is up and filled with CFLs, so I don’t feel guilty about using it all of the time. Soleil’s new Elfa closet system is up and I love it!
I am still at a loss of what to do about school work. Soleil comes home with so much paper from school. I don’t want to recycle it all, I don’t want to keep it all. I don’t have time to scan it all for future generations. I just don’t know what to do? I also find little notes from the school mingling with her papers. Drives me batty! I often miss them and then miss the date. Just last night, I found the paper that the teacher sent home about teacher/parent conferences. It is due today. I filled it out at breakfast.
Luna did something that blew me away yesterday. She wrote her name! Yes! Her name is only 4 letters long, but she really did it! She wrote it out and got all of the letters correctly written, nothing backwards and in the right order. She has known how to spell her name, but to make the connection between the letters and writing it out? Not until yesterday!
I am trying to just enjoy where the kids are in life. Where Soleil is learning more and more to read. Where she calls up stairs when she is watching TV to ask for definitions. Where Luna is trying hard to learn how to read letters and make the sounds. I suspect she will be reading sooner than Soleil was, mostly because Soleil is teaching her too. I am enjoying watching them run and play, work out issues and just be. But it is hard. Parenting is so much harder than I thought. The time commitment is so huge. I mean, yeah, you know you are in this for the long run, but for the bathroom breaks too? OR overnights? Or never getting to sleep past 6:30am again in your life?
I just took a break from this post to talk to one of the scientists. She had breast cancer when Luna was 1, so I avoided her like the plague since Luna was often emitting green snot from various orifices. I just found out that she also had cancer of the fallopian tubes. This bites. I wish cancer would just go away. AWAY! Too many people have it, had it, etc. But we didn’t just talk about science and cancer. We talked about PEOPLE. How people who work together don’t KNOW each other. How that is hard. How stressed we all are. How women in particular are stressed in the workplace and in science in general.
And now my brain is on a different path….
Why my week has been rough October 14, 2007
Posted by spacemom in : She Blinded me with Science, Parenting 101 , 1 comment so farIn bullet form!
- On call for the spacecraft this week. Finished the week’s command load review on Friday of last week, with minor frustrations because we changed my machine on Thursday and I got a new operating system (Solaris 10)
- Command load approved on Tuesday
- Target of Opportunity comes in on Wednesday after Jay jokes that it is the only thing that can ruin the week.
- Replan on schedule runs into dinner on Wednesday. End up staying up until 11:40 to deal with the command loads and the clean up
- Since we only had a 12 hour turn around for the command load, spent Thursday replaning the last orbit of the load and into next week.
- Friday-Work at home, get ready for Girls Scout meeting. Lose one Girl, mom forgot to send her to meeting. Forgot to call after school program that Soleil wouldn’t be there.
- Girl Scout meeting goes okay, but my heart breaks because Soleil stands off to the side for the photo and NO Body picks her to make a "girl scout friend"
- Take another girl home so the mom can drop off her other daughter. Girl has socialization issues and calls Soleil a "nanynanyfoofooheadnanynanyfoofoohead" and "stupidhead" Soleil tells girl her feelings are hurt, girl says "GOOD!"
- Soleil tell me she wishes the girl was never born… Long discussion about how it’s okay to walk away and we try to help people, but if they really hurt us, we can walk away
- Tot Shabbot, record turnout, run out of food afterwords and Luna is freaked by the crowds
- Saturday, Birthday party. I show up AS IT IS ENDING! ACK! Parents are gracious and we play for 2 hours.
- At dinner, Soleil makes a PB&J sandwich. She eats the J side of the bread and then bursts into tears when she realized what she did.
- Try to go to bed early. Wake up at midnight and watch the end of the base ballgame. Ends at 1:33am, with the Indians winning (yeah!)
3 is so damn HARD October 10, 2007
Posted by spacemom in : Parenting 101 , 8 commentsI hate the age 3. Really. It’s tough on them. It’s tough on you. They want to do EVERYTHING their way. You? You just want to get them dressed in the morning without the drama of "I WANTED THE PINK TIGHTS!!!! WAAAAAAAA"
And the panties? Who the hell CARES if you wear the panties with Cinderella in front of Belle or the ones with Belle in front of Cinderella? HELLO? I just want that butt covered! Yesterday, Luna did not come to the bus stop with Soleil and I. She was happy to lay down in front of the door, in the front hallway screaming "I want to come!" although she had a pull-up on. And nothing else.
3 is when you learn that you do have input, but you have to work with others
3 is when you learn that you have an impact on your family
3 is when you learn how to do so many things for yourself, you just take forever to do it
3 is when you learn to stop screaming for everything you want and just start working with your family
I strongly suspect that many parents of 3 year olds wonder if this was worth it.
I know it is. I have a 5 year old. And she did go through the "I want to do it myself" stage. And we survived. But MAN does it suck when you are going through it!
Note to self: need more tequila….Go to a package store tonight!
Wacky Wednesday October 3, 2007
Posted by spacemom in : Parenting 101 , 1 comment so farEvery work morning, I try hard to organize my day on the ride in.
Wednesdays are the hardest. I usually have a team meeting on Wednesdays. This can take anywhere from 1-2 hours. I think today will be short. I like to try to work out during the week. I have been slacking with the travel in August, the mono, and with the new school routine. I am trying to get back to it. I did yesterday, but I am not sure I will fit it in today.
Wednesdays also involve a new dance. The public transportation dance. We have a large meeting once a month with the MIT (Massachusetts Institute of Technology) group on Wednesdays. Because of the timing, I am going to have to start taking the T (the subway) to the last station, and then take a bus to our town and walk the last 0.7 miles home. It’s not bad. I did it this past Wednesday. I was able to catch the bus in good time and for this trip, I met Soleil at the after school program. In the future, I am going to need to go later and walk home in the dark.
In one sense, I think I like the time to think. It is not quiet time to think, but it is time to think. But, the time involved is insane. To go 15 miles, I need 1.5 hours. That’s before the walk. That is a big chunk of time. I wish I could do this more often, but let’s be serious. I don’t have 2 hours to spend on my commute each way, each day. As it is, we spend 45 minutes on the commute each way (it is really only 20 minutes direct, but with traffic and a drop to daycare…it goes up to 45)
I sometimes wonder how people do it. And then I realize, we all have our wacky Wednesdays. At least one day of the week, if not more, are just plain crazy!
And we all get through it.
tick or tock? September 25, 2007
Posted by spacemom in : Parenting 101 , 5 commentsDo you hear the clock ticking during the day?
Do you wonder when you will get it all done?
I often do. Even more so now that Soleil and Luna are in two different places during the day. Soleil is back in our town, 11 miles from work (as the crow flies). Luna is in the next town from our work, 3 miles (as the crow flies). We struggle with the bus drop off, jump in car, get to daycare routine. We struggle with the return routine.
Today, I took my car into the Honda dealer to get serviced. The cute little wrench light came on to alert me it wanted to be serviced. Fortunately, they take service without appointments. Unfortunately, I forgot that Jay has a doctor’s appointment today and needs the car by 12:40. I waited about 2 minutes for the "Courtesy Shuttle" to take me to work. Then I said "Screw it" and walked. It’s only 15 minutes from the dealer to work. I figured it would take 5 minutes of waiting, 5 minutes of driving (assuming the traffic lights stopped us) and I would save 5 minutes and have a larger butt. So I walked. And it was nice. But it made me think about time.
How do you get everything done in the time you have? How do you impress upon your children that time is both important and not?
I don’t want our children to be slaves to the clock. Jay has a distinct memory of kids rushing to choir practice and getting into a car accident because the choir director would lock the door at 5:00pm and if you weren’t there, tough. I don’t want them to do that! But I also want them to respect time and work within it.
I am not sure how to do these things when I struggle myself.
I can’t find ME time. I can’t find time to correctly plan the target object for my code. I can’t find time to exercise. I can’t find time to meditate. I try to find time to play with the girls and I have a rule that I hug them every day. I try to say I love you to the three most important people in my life everyday.
But somehow, I often get stuck with the tick and tocks of life.
School Daze September 19, 2007
Posted by spacemom in : Spacemom, Parenting 101, Ghost in the (sewing)Machine , add a commentTomorrow is our first "Back to School" night for public schools. This is the first of MANY.
We will meet our over caffeinated principal, Mrs. Brown (I kid you NOT, this woman is way way too perky. Makes me want to give her some Quaalude) and then talk with Soleil’s teacher. Last night, Soleil recited two stories from school. The first involved shapes. We drew out the shapes and talked about them. We discussed the Trapezoid and how you can make one, and the rectangle and the square. We discussed how a square is a rectangle and a rectangle is a trapezoid. Then Jay pointed out that she’ll have to get pretty far into geometry before she can stump him on that. (true…so true). We drew hexagons, pentagons, octagons and then decided that a rectangle should be a quadragon. Luna got bored with this, but Soleil was fascinated.
Monday night, my back gave a loud relaxing crack in the middle of the night. Last night helped too, so I can now move. This is a bonus.I tried to sew the Chilly Willy jammie top, but only got far enough to do some work on the neck line and pin the pieces together. My back was hurting too much to continue. Sigh. Plus, I think I need to do one more piece of cutting. You see, I am matching the jammie top to the one that the blogger sent me. This is different from my pattern. The neck line is the big difference. So I might need to have a special collar in the back for this.Sigh… I need to look carefully at her shirt tonight before I go too far.
Luna has adjusted well to the changes in our lives. She loves walking to the bus stop every morning with Soleil and I. She likes to wave goodbye and ask when she can ride the bus. Then she goes on to discuss how she want to go to Kindergarten. She also loves having Jay and I both drop her off at daycare.
We are finding that we have entered the "transitional years". We have 2 of them. Luna will be at daycare for 2 more years. Soleil is in school. We have two places, about 10 miles and 30 minutes of driving, apart. Once Luna is in Kindergarten, we’re going to have to redo the whole plan. How to have one of us at home in the afternoons to get the girls. How to be able to be there while getting work done. How to travel between work and home with just one car? (why double pollute?) Sigh….
