Goodbye Susan, you will be so very missed.

Also: I did not mean to offend anyone on the religion, it is my person view based on my personal experiences being raised Christian, turning atheist and raising 2 Jewish girls.

I think it’s important to teach the difference between earned and granted respect. The relationship between you and your daughters sounds like a model for teaching earned respect: questions, discourse, reasoning. But a babysitter, who is only present for part of your kids’ lives, doesn’t have that same relationship. My personal take is that all adults are granted respect by my kids, period. Any issues they have with other adults they bring up with me and I will help them negotiate the interaction. Within our family we can argue and test boundaries, but outside our family the rule are going to be different and there will be aero tolerance for rudeness or disrespect. I want my kids to know that we parents choose the teachers, caregivers, coaches, doctors etc for them and have decided that they deserve respect, that is the starting point.

As for the “getting a reaction” aspect, I totally get that, but again I think that’s a behavior that needs boundaries. Honestly, leaving garbage on the floor is not a social experiment, it’s rude, period. Ther line in the sand between valid experimentation and bad behavior is tricky, and this certainly sounds like a teachable moment. Would she like someone to dump garbage in her room and see how she reacted? How would that feel? How does it feel to know that you hurt someone’s feelings? Plenty of room for discussion on that one.

Good luck, this parenting gig is tough.

As for the religion thing, what about the Old Testament smoting God? Doesn’t He strike down those who are behaving badly? Being judged in your own lifetime and all that?

I think children like to test, you said it yourself. They push buttons of those around them to see how far they can go. My girls do it too. There are days when I think I’m raising complete brats.

I’d say you suck as a parent if you didn’t care about their behavior and if the email from the sitter didn’t make you flinch. However, I know how it has affected you and therefore, I think you are a fantastic parent b/c you are concerned and looking for ways to make things better for everyone involved.

I find it funny that I disagree with your description of Judaism as i see it on a daily basis. Your described Jews do exist, but I have too much involvement with super-Orthodox Jews who believe there is only one way – their way. Do not question or you’ll be labelled a sinful, rebellious freethinker. They *are* expected to follow their leaders blindly. They cannot think for themselves at all. This isn’t where Judaism is supposed to be, at all, at all.

I’ll keep the respectful arguing concept in mind for when PD can talk back a bit more . I do find myself explaining *why* I’m saying no, even though he’s only two.

As for Luna, we talked tonight and I think it was a misunderstanding between her and her coach. You know when your own child is lying (usually) and she was totally confused about leaving the ice early. Sigh…But she does things in an aloof manner, so I can see the coach’s side. We’re going to meet with both coaches about things, to help Luna.

I am having coffee with our sitter next Monday so we can talk about things. The whole situation has been a little crazy where we haven’t had much time for reflection and discussion without kids. I think just sitting down and talking will help.

THis is my place to get it all out. Right now, that’s what I need to do.